The Unnofficial Bad WoW Jokes Thread. [Archive] - Unofficial World of Warcraft Forums

Jawelik

19-10-2004, 02:28 PM

Been meaning to do this for a while, and figured it might be good for a laugh. Make up a joke based on WoW, or rip of older jokes and stick wow characters in them. Like a preist and a shaman walk into a tavern... You know. Funniest joke wins a cookie. Mmmmm, cookie... (On that note, a while back we voted for the worldofwar.net's official cookie. Can anyone remember what it was? I think it was chocolate chip).

Anyway, beng as I started this thread, better put in my very own bad Wow joke. Though I hope we get some good ones, I could use a good laugh.

Q: What do you get when you put an Undead guy in a bath?

A: Soup. =P

The SilverDeath

19-10-2004, 02:47 PM

An orc, a barbarian and a blood thirsty savage entered a bar.... and that's just the first person!

xXxDraGoNxXx1123

19-10-2004, 04:37 PM

Bad jokes eh? I can do that.

Why didn't the undead cross the road with the chicken?

...he didn't have the guts. Harrrrrr!

:cheesy:

Xinhuan

19-10-2004, 05:31 PM

Here's a bad joke.. a really bad one:

Tauren: Moo. Are you Happy now?

:D

Squarebob Spongepants

19-10-2004, 05:44 PM

This one is even worse :p

What do undead Tauren say?

Boo.

:scared:

_______________________________

The game is ready for lunch.

WarThumb

19-10-2004, 05:53 PM

What's the difference between a pimple and a Priest?
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
..
.
.
A pimple at least waits until you're level 4 before coming on your face

Squarebob Spongepants

19-10-2004, 05:56 PM

The undead Tauren says:

Boo.

The ghost of the Rogue he just killed says:

Hey! That's MY line!

_______________________________

The game is ready for lunch.

WarThumb

19-10-2004, 05:58 PM

What do you call a Tauren with no legs at all?

Ground beef

Jawelik

19-10-2004, 06:05 PM

Two Tauren are standing in a padaock. One Tauren says "moo." The other snaps, "Bastard! I was gonna say that!"

WarThumb

19-10-2004, 06:09 PM

A Dwarf, a Human and a Gnome are in a bar having a drink when a great-looking female Gnome comes up to them and says, "Whoever can say liver and cheese in a sentence can have me."

So the Dwarf says, "I love liver and cheese." The female replies, "That's not good enough."

The Human says, "I hate liver and cheese." She says, "That's not creative enough."

Finally, the Male Gnome says, "Liver alone . . . cheese mine."

Jawelik

19-10-2004, 06:35 PM

Okay here's a pretty long one.

A human man had a problem with his... endowment... his organ... since birth. It was related to the size, but unlike many humans who feel they are too small, his was far too large! 25 inches to be precise. Constantly he would have women run screaming from his bedchamber. So one day he decided he'd had enough of this, and went on a long journey to find a solution to this sizable problem.

He went to many doctors, sorcerors, alchemists and shamans. Every expert imaginable who could possibly solve his problem. But sadly none could help him, with out resorting to dangerous and excruciatingly painful methods. The poor man was distraught and ready to give up on his quest, but desperate, he tried one last resort. To go to a foul Troll witch doctor he had heard of, that supposedly had powerful magic. Going to this troll, he paid him a generous amount of gold, the explained his size issues.

The witch doctor nodded. "Yah mon. Dere be a way to solve dis problam. You go to de bog, ten miles to de north. Find de lone female frog, chillin' on 'er lillypad. Den you ask 'er marry you. Every time de frog say no, you're problam get smallah an' smallah mon. Buy five whole inchas."

Sceptical, but willing to give it a go, the man went north to the bog. Just as the Troll had said, there was a lone female frog sitting quietly on her lillypad. So shrugging his shoulders he called out to it.

"Hey frog! Will you marry me?!"

She offered the man a cold brief glance, before turning away and snobbishly answering. "No!"

To the man's astonishment, it worked and his 25 incher instantly shrank down to a 20. That foul godless troll had actually told him the truth. Excited now that his long journey had come to an end, he again called out to the frog.

"Hey frog! Will you marry me?!"

Seeming a little more pissed off by the advance this time, the frog glared angrily at him. "No!!" Instantly tool shrank to 15 inches. The human was thrilled one more time, and it would be perfect! Ten inches would be great.

"Frog! Marry me!"

Standing up, she glowered at the human with a deadly glare, then started screaming at him. "HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO TELL YOU?!?! NO, NO, AND FOR THE LAST TIME..." :D

lordrolo

19-10-2004, 06:49 PM

A dwarf goes into a bar in Stormwind and orders four beers. He starts drinking them, one sip each at a time, and after about a half hour he's finished all four, pays, and leaves.

The next day he returns, doing the same thing. The bartender looks at him funny, but pours the four drinks and serves them. He drinks them the same way, until he finishes all four, pays, and leaves again.

The third day, when the dwarf returns, the barkeep can't take it anymore. "If you drink the beers one at a time, they'll all be cold and won't get flat at the end. Why do you want all four at the same time?"

The dwarf explains: I have a brother in Ironforge, one in Booty Bay, and one who lives on Theramore Isle. We can't get together as much as we want, so at the same time each day we all go to a bar and order a round. We drink 'em all and pretend we're all at a bar together".

The barkeeper nods and serves four beers. Nobody else disturbs the dwarf while he finishes off the four beers.

The next day the dwarf comes into the bar, but only orders three beers. Silence falls. Nobody at the bar can look the poor dwarf in the eye. Finally, the barkeeper walks over to try to console him. "I'm so sorry for your loss. Do you want to talk about it? tell us what happened to your fourth brother".

The dwarf looks confused for a moment, then bursts out laughing.

"It's not what you think!!! I just quit drinking today!"

lordrolo

19-10-2004, 06:51 PM

Q: How do Tauren hide in the forests?
A: they paint their balls red and hide in apple trees.

Q: Have you ever seen a Tauren hiding in an apple tree?
A: No, it works!!

Q: How did the gnome die?
A: Picking Apples

lordrolo

19-10-2004, 06:53 PM

What do you call a Tauren who's "shaking hands with his best friend"?

Beef Strokanoff

Jawelik

19-10-2004, 06:54 PM

"It's not what you think!!! I just quit drinking today!"

:lol: :lol: Nice one! :clap:

lordrolo

19-10-2004, 06:55 PM

what's a diplomatic way to say "Possibly in a few weeks, but more likely months and could be next year. Or never"?

"soon" or "in the days ahead"

lordrolo

19-10-2004, 06:59 PM

What do you get when you cross a gamer geek with a night elf female?

No idea, but **** would I like to find out!!!

lordrolo

19-10-2004, 07:06 PM

(Ironforge, AP): The worst accident in Warcraft aviation history occurred early this morning when a Flying Machine, Piloted by an unidentified Gnomish Aviator, crashed into the graveyard near Thelsamar. As of reporting time, over 300 bodies have been recovered from the crash site and we're still digging.

xXxDraGoNxXx1123

19-10-2004, 07:20 PM

Good jokes but... for crying out loud hit the edit button once in awhile! :lol:

Scipio

19-10-2004, 07:36 PM

Q: Why don't Tauren dance?
A: The others would just say "boo!"

A dwarf walks into a bar and orders 15 glasses of ale.
A human hearing him says: "You fool! Don't you know over 100 men die of alcohol every year?" "That's okay. I'm a Dwarf."

And now a long one:

Kalimdor Olympics opened!
By one of our correspondents
With great cheers, the Kalimdor Olympics were opened yesterday.
After the traditional ceremony, the activities started.
A favorite at Gnome-tossing was Bluff Hardhoof, who won the wood-covered-with-a-small-gold-layer-medal. Then the next sport took place. The spearthrowing event was won by Itrow Bigspear, who managed to cleave twenty-three (23) rough Dwarven beards. Thrall himself attended the Olympics, and when asked what he thought about it in a tavern, he replied; "It's fine and all, but it NEEDS MORE WENCHES!" Before continuing to get drunk and sing stupid songs.
Stay tuned for more exciting information as the Kalimdor Olympics continue!

Xinhuan

20-10-2004, 03:53 AM

http://www.battle.net/forums/wow/thread.aspx?fn=wow-general&t=2109761&p=1#post2109761
------------------------------
psycho_sniper
how long is "sooooon"? | 10/20/2004 1:43:16 AM GMTDT

hi ordin, i was wondering whats ur guy's/girl's(for caydiem) definition of "SOON" is, i would apreaciate by just giving me one of these letters

A. couple of days
B. a week or so
C. a month
D. not at liberty to tell the public
E. thought it was coming out today, but it needs more work, so maybe tomorow

-----------------------
Caydiem, Blizzard Poster
Re: how long is "sooooon"? | 10/20/2004 1:43:58 AM GMTDT

F.

F. is defined as "when it's ready". :)
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
- Caydiem -
Assistant Community Manager, WoW

a_pax

20-10-2004, 04:12 AM

two Tauren are on a hill. a hot Tauren female passes by. Tauren #1 says "moo". Tauren #2 says "you took the words right out of my mouth"

Tauren (eating a hamburger):"hamburgers are made of what??!!!!!"

Tso Za Naoa

20-10-2004, 04:31 AM

What do you call a centaur that has no arms, no legs and lays on the front porch?

>>>Matt

Blackmoore

20-10-2004, 04:40 AM

Why do forks have four prongs?

Because it takes four orcs to make em'.

NazMorgall

20-10-2004, 09:27 AM

Why do the undead took tailoring as their professional?

One word: Stitches... Especially when the Abomination Guards dance too much.

theseus

20-10-2004, 09:44 AM

lol that last one was funny. hehe :)

Loboleal

20-10-2004, 10:11 AM

One dwarf asks other:
When you make love with your woman, she does it for love or for interest?
mmm... It must be for love because she takes very little interest in it
:D

Scipio

20-10-2004, 11:01 AM

Worst one yet:
Q:Two naga are swimming. One of them drows the other. How many are left?
A: Naga can't drown.

Vancleef had been surrounded by the police, but he managed to escape.
The chief asks an officer: "Didn't I tell you to place a guard at each exit?"
Says the officer: "But that's what I did!"
Chief: "Then how did he get away?"
Officer: "Through the entrance!"

Q: A tauren is standing in a river, surrounded by 20 Gnome Mages that specialise in Frost Magic. How will he get out?
A: Wet and cold.

Cenkrill

20-10-2004, 01:17 PM

Now for a classic.

Did you know undead females are dead sexy? (Laugh, I now you want to) :)

Jawelik

20-10-2004, 01:34 PM

A mighty Orc warrior walks into a tavern to order a drink, and he notices standing on the keys of a nearby piano was a Gnome. A very short Gnome, short for even for one of his kind. And immediately the Gnome starts running up and down the piano keys, dancing, cartwheeling and somersaulting, flawlessly landing on the correct keys time and time again. The music he produced was incredible. This little gnome was just brilliant!

So astonished, the orc walked up to the bartender and asked, "that little gnome is amazing, where did you get him?"

He looked at the Orc and smiled. "Oh I was given this fancy bottle as payment by one of my customers a while back. Upon polishing it, this genie popped out and offered me a single wish. I've had that little guy ever since. Makes me a fortune."

Very curious now the orc asked if he still has this magic bottle, and is excited when the bartender pulls it out from under the table and offers it to him. "Knock yourself out."

Eagerly he accepts the bottle and starts rubbing it, and just as the bartender had claimed, a genie popped out. The magical being stared at the orc and announced, "you have one wish! Make it now!"

Thinking for a few moments, he decided not to be too greedy and just ask for something he had needed for a while. "Okay, Genie. I wish for a nice new axe!"

"Granted!" he said, clapping his hands the vanishing in a puff of smoke. After the smoke cleared the orc found himself holding a nice new pair of slacks.

Angry now, he glared at the bartender. "What's going on?! I didn't ask for nice new slacks, I asked for a nice new axe!"

He smiled back before replying. "You think I asked for a ten inch pianist?"

inatey

20-10-2004, 01:59 PM

arround the corner :p

lordrolo

20-10-2004, 05:22 PM

Why is Thunder Bluff built on a cliff?
so they didn't have to build a sewage system.

So what do you get if you try to camp out next to Thunder Bluff?
a whole lot of bullsh!t.

What if you camp out under the Tauren government center?
Bureaucratic Bullsh!t.

red.13

21-10-2004, 01:31 AM

what's a diplomatic way to say "Possibly in a few weeks, but more likely months and could be next year. Or never"?

"soon" or "in the days ahead"

You ment around the corner :lol:

Talismaine

21-10-2004, 03:47 AM

Three Dwarves were lost in Silverpine Forest, when suddenly they were captured by a whole clan of Troll cannibals. The Troll Whitch Doctor told the prisoners that they could live if they pass a trial. The first step of the trial was to go
to the forest and get ten pieces of the same kind of fruit. So
all three Dwarves went separate ways to gather fruits.

The first Dwarf came back and said to the Witch Doctor, "I brought ten
apples." The Witch Doctor then explained the trial to him. It involved placing all of the fruit… somewhere… where fruit usualy doesn't go… infact, fruit usualy leaves from here…. And if the Dwarf showed any emotion, he would be killed.

The first apple went in... but on the second one he winced out
in pain, so he was killed.

The second Dwarf arrived and showed the Witch Doctor ten berries. When the
Witch Doctor explained the trial to the Dwarf, he thought to himself that this
should be easy. 1...2...3...4...5...6...7...8... and on the
ninth berry he burst out in laughter and was killed.

The first Dwarf and the second Dwarf met in the local graveyard. The first one
asked, "Why did you laugh, you almost got away with it?" The
second one replied, "I couldn't help it, I saw the third guy
coming with pineapples."

*buh-dum tch* ;)

Talismaine

21-10-2004, 03:59 AM

And a few bad ones about old people:

King Magni Bronzebeard went to the Ironforge Retirement section, and was having a publicity shoot with the elderly Dwarves around there. After a few hours, he started geting a little bored, so he started trying to put the older Dwarves off before he got caught in thier converstions. At one point, a nice old Dwarf lady walks by, and he says to her: "I bet you don't know who I am, do you?"

To this the old matron replies, "No, but I bet the gnome at the front desk could help you with that."

An old Night Elf is walking around his hotel room in Auberdine, on his way back to Darnassus after serving his stint in the War. He's tired and not quite in his right mind, showing a little bit of Shadow Bolt-shock. He hears a nock at his door, and goes to answer it.

A young(ish) Night Elf girl is dancing just out side of the doorway. She finishes, and then turns to the old man and says, "I'm here to give you super sex!"

The old man appers to think for a moment, and then says, "Well in that case, I guess I'd better go with the soup."

Ah, well, there goes another nomination down the drain. ;)

ZookCloak

21-10-2004, 04:12 AM

Hehe, most of these jokes i've seen elsewhere, and have simply been replaced with Warcraft names... :P

Blackmoore

21-10-2004, 05:08 AM

Hehe, most of these jokes i've seen elsewhere, and have simply been replaced with Warcraft names... :P
Why did the plainstrider cross the path?

To get to the other side.

:D

Runion

21-10-2004, 06:06 AM

One Night Elf walks up to the other
HA.

dlrocm

22-10-2004, 01:11 AM

What did Troll1 say to Troll2 before he got on his mount??

Hey, Troll2, get on your mount.

Zann the Defender

22-10-2004, 01:26 AM

Pranks of Warcraft:
Kodo Tipping
Sentry ward in local Sorority Shower
Water Elemental in the Out House
Senile Farmer, a few friends, and the polymorph spell
Tying a gnome to your Wolf's tail
Gnome Punting
Switiching The Wires in the Steam Tank around.
Laxitives in the Gryphon stables
Running around as a paladin trying to heal people in the Under City
Carving into the Treants of Darnassas
Troll in the lands of the High Elves
Dressing up as Illidan and killing all of the B.net kiddies that use his name
Serving "Ms. Taurens Chocolate Pie"

Jawelik

22-10-2004, 01:51 AM

One day a Human mage named Gilibon was walking out of Stormwind, when he noticed his good friend Karn the Paladin approaching. He was surprised however to notice Karn was riding towards him on what appeared to be a black panther. And of course, a human on a panther is a very odd sight in Azeroth.

So Gilibon goes up to his friend, shocked and asks, "Karn! Where in the world did you get that panther? Its beautiful!

Karn smiled and explained as he climbed off his new mount. "Well, its an interesting story. Yesterday as I was leaving Darnassus, a Night Elf woman rode up to me on this panther. Now this had to be the most beautiful female I have ever seen, Night Elf, Human or otherwise! She was absolutely exquisite!

Gilibon smiled as he pictured her in his head. "Really, my friend? Well what happened then?"

"Well this lovely Night Elf climbed off her panther, proceeded to rip off all of her clothing and lay down on the grass before me with legs opened wide." Karn shrugged as he finished his story. "Then she said to me, 'take whatever you want'."

SpAm_BuStA

22-10-2004, 01:51 AM

how many gnomes does it take to paint a house?

it depends how hard you throw em=P

SpAm_BuStA

22-10-2004, 01:55 AM

rofl jawelik, stupid paladin.........

Dain-Bramaged

22-10-2004, 03:38 AM

Ok I got one its funny as hell heres how it goes:

One day this Orc warrior gets his eye gouged out by a rabid gnome,terrfied of eye patches the orc decides for the rest of his life he has to get a wooden eye. This of course made the other orcs, trolls and tauren make fun of him, for a long long time. Now one night while visiting Brill, there is a dance at the local bar, the orc sees this really attractive Undead female and realises that she has a disfigured face(like most of them), the orc immediately gets the idea that since she shares a physical defect much like himself he should try to get her to dance with him. The orc asks her if she wants to dance and she exclaims, "would I!?" and the orc says "don't call me wood eye **** face"

XxNoObXx

22-10-2004, 04:39 AM

ixidore

22-10-2004, 04:54 AM

ya i cought that screeny. i almost made it my background, but i went with the UD mounts.

Jawelik

22-10-2004, 05:16 AM

lmfao the jokes are so funny :lol: yall are all creative heh... but come on now guys think of more tauren jokes than him saying moo/boo :yawn:

did yall see the group screenshot where the horde had overalls on with pitch forks now that was funny

Tauren joke, huh? Well I guess I can take requests. And this is another long one, because... well... I'm long winded. Anyway...

A young Tauren, whos father was the chief of his tribe, sat before his father one day and asked him a question. "Father? How did you name my brother, sister and I?"

The mighty Tauren chieftain looked at his son and thought about it for a moment. "Well son. When your mother came to me those many years ago, and told me she was pregnant with your older brother, I stepped out from my totem house with my eyes closed. And when I opened them, the very first thing I saw was a Thunder Cloud. So your brother was named Thunder Cloud."

"Then a number of years later, your mother came to me again. Told me she was now pregnant with your older sister. So again I stepped outside with my eyes closed, and when I opened them what I saw was a rippling Brook. So I named your sister Rippling Brook."

Ready to continue his story, a thought suddenly struck him and he turned to ask his son a question of his own. "But tell me. Why do you ask me this, Two Dogs F**cking?" :D

Jawelik

22-10-2004, 05:22 AM

Come on guys and girls! Surely you can all come up with some more WoW jokes. There have been a couple of killers so far, but I'd love to see lots more! Maybe later when we have a few more we can all vote for best joke. Winner gets a cookie! :thumbsup:

ShotgunSurgeon

22-10-2004, 06:38 AM

How do you fit 50 gnomes in a phone booth?

Blender

How do you get them out?

Straw

What's the difference between a truck load of pingpong balls and a truck load of dwarves?

You can't unload pingpong balls with a pitchfork
:lady:

Scytale

22-10-2004, 09:37 AM

This one is even worse :p

What do undead Tauren say?

Boo.

:scared:

_______________________________

The game is ready for lunch.
funniest joke ever its freakin hilarious, a genious!!! seriuosly i rooled on the floor while laughing at loud

Jawelik

22-10-2004, 09:51 AM

funniest joke ever its freakin hilarious, a genious!!! seriuosly i rooled on the floor while laughing at loud

I warn you my freind, if you were not being sarcastic just now, I will flame you mercilessly! :evil:

lordrolo

22-10-2004, 10:07 AM

Talismaine's post made me think of this ...

a Human, Gnome, and Dwarf trio of explorers gets captured by a tribe of Trolls in Stranglethorn vale where, tied to posts and surrounded by the whole tribe, the Witch Doctor confronts them.

He explains to all three: You have been found guilty of violating our territory and must be punished. However, according to our ancient laws, you have the right to choose your punishment!! (he walks up to the human). For tresspassing, your choice of punishment is either Death ... or Ooga-Booga!

The human doesn't even have to consider. What could be worse than dying in this forsaken wilderness?? "I choose Ooga-Booga".

Immediately, he is cut down from the post and tied face-down to the ground. Ten exceptionally large troll warriors step forth and gang-**** him for an hour. Finally, whimpering and bleeding, he is cast into the river and allowed to get away.

Now the Gnome is up. Horrified by what he has seen, he still doesn't want to die and now knows that he can, indeed, get away, He chooses Ooga-Booga as well. He suffers the same humiliating fate as the human, and an hour later he is thrown in the river and gets away.

The proud Dwarf has been listening to screams of pain for two hours now. He looks the witch doctor in the eye and says, I would rather die than be so humiliated. I choose Death!!

"Well spoken, brave warrior!" The witch doctor replies, then raises his voice so the whole tribe can hear. "I hereby sentence you to death --- by Ooga-Booga!!!"

Jawelik

22-10-2004, 10:34 AM

sphockey04

22-10-2004, 10:51 AM

what's worse than a dead gnome in a trash can?

a dead gnome in 10 trash cans :lol:

lordrolo

22-10-2004, 11:37 AM

What did the undead guy say to the hooker?
"keep the tip"

Why do orcs make the best gardeners?
because they all have green thumbs!

what do you call 10 gnomes buried up to their necks in sand?
not enough sand

what can a two-ton Tauren use for a chair?
anything he wants!!

lordrolo

22-10-2004, 02:10 PM

A tauren and a gnome were taking a dump in the woods. The tauren glanced at the gnome, and, overcome with curiosity, had to ask:

"Your beard goes down to your feet. Is doing this stuff in the woods ever a problem for you? Don't you ever get **** stuck to your beard?"

"nope. Never happened to me before" answered the gnome.

So the Tauren picked up the gnome and wiped his *** with him.

lordrolo

22-10-2004, 02:20 PM

a hunter was wandering around Westfall when he was captured by Defias Bandits. They inform him that they have to kill him, since he's seen their hideout, but they'll grant him a last request before they excecute him at dawn.

"all I want before I die is a little time with my pet wolf" he says. "he's all the family I have and I want to say goodbye to him".

Touched by the request, the bandits accept. When the wolf comes near, he the hunter wispers in his ear, "now go run off to Stormwind and get my posse. They should be able to bail me out of this!".

The wolf runs off in the direction of Stormwind. Amazingly enough, a few minutes before the hunter is to be excecuted the wolf returns, leading an even dozen stormwind prostitues. Delighted, the bandits agree to party hearty and reward the hunter with another day of life.

Relieved, the hunter talks to his wolf again:

"okay, I'm running out of time here so I need you to get this right. Run back to stormwind and bring my POSSE!!"

lordrolo

22-10-2004, 02:31 PM

A gnome walks into a bar, looking rather distraught. "Any hunters in here with an enormous, 15-foot bear waiting outside?"

A dwarf at the bar looks up. "Yea", he says. "That's Scratchy waiting outside, he doesn't like to go into bars. Why, did he try to swipe at you?"

"No no no" replied the Gnome. "Thing is, I'm sorry to have to tell you this, but my mechanical squirrel just killed it".

"That can't be right!!!" exclaimed the dwarf. "Scratchy is 15 feet long and could just step on some squirrel!! I refuse to believe some squirrel killed my bear!!!"

"Fine, don't believe me" said the gnome. "Just go outside and look. There's a 15-foot dead bear outside with my squirrel stuck in his throat!"

lordrolo

22-10-2004, 03:36 PM

a Dwarf Priest was wandering the beach when, upon looking out over the ocean, he saw a gnome splashing and appearently almost drowning. He started to rush out to help, but then noticed two humans on the beach had already gotten a rope out to the gnome and were pulling him in.

"I'd just like to commend you two" the Priest said. "It's all too rare these days to see people helping each other out in a time of need. Bless the both of you!"

as the Priest was walking away, one of the humans turned to the other.

"Guess he's never been shark fishing"

Scipio

22-10-2004, 04:13 PM

A Gnome is looking for his new invention, a "watch".
His Human friend asks; "Where did you lose it?"
"Over there," the Gnome says. "Then why are you looking for it here?"
"It was still running."

A Female Night Elf, a Gnome and a Troll are bragging.
The Night Elf says: "I'm the prettiest!"
The Gnome says: "I'm the smallest!"
The Troll says: "I'm the ugliest!"
Then an Orc walks up to them and says; "If you want to know for sure, go in this house and ask the magic mirror if it's true."
The Night Elf goes in and comes out after about 15 minutes, and says; "It's true, I AM the prettiest!"
The Gnome goes in and comes out after about 20 minutes, and says; "It's true, I AM the smallest!"
The Troll goes in and comes out after 5 seconds, and says; "What are you talking about, that mirror is broken!"

Defias ship sinks
A Defias ship loaded with yo-yo's sunk.....
453 times.

GreenFaun

22-10-2004, 04:19 PM

Lordrolo, you are awesome. I bow down to you.

How many gnomes does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Come on, they wouldn't fit, they're not THAT small. They'll screw just about anywhere else though.

Scipio

22-10-2004, 04:24 PM

Q: When can you kill a Dwarf?

A: When he says your wife's hair smells good.

Squarebob Spongepants

22-10-2004, 04:34 PM

A gnome rogue, a human priest, a nightelf druid and a dwarven warrior arrive outside their new house.

The priest: "Bloody hell! Is this the new house?"
The druid: "I think it's beautiful."
The rogue: "Nah, it just makes a change from the old one, that's all."
The warrior: "Aye. It hasn't been razed to the ground yet."
The priest: "Well, I think it looks like a gigantic outhouse."
The druid: "Aw, be fair. Look, it's got a letter box. That's gonna be really useful, man."
The priest: "What for?"
The druid: "Eh... Looking out of when people knock."
The rogue: "It's nice to have a front door."
The warrior: "We had a front door in the last house."
The priest: "Yes, but it was nailed to the ceiling in the living room."
The rogue: "It had to be done."
The warrior: "Aye. I had to. I was drunk."

A gold star to whoever figures out which sitcom I've bastardized :uhhuh:

_______________________________

The game is ready for lunch.

GreenFaun

22-10-2004, 05:19 PM

A gold star to whoever figures out which sitcom I've bastardized :uhhuh:

Dude, Young Ones rocked so hard!

Some of these bricks explode! BRILLIANT!

Squarebob Spongepants

22-10-2004, 05:25 PM

Gold star to GreenFaun :thumbsup:

_______________________________

The game is ready for lunch.

Scorch_Hellfire

22-10-2004, 06:44 PM

what's worse than a dead gnome in a trash can?

a dead gnome in 10 trash cans :lol:

oh so we're doing dead baby joke rip-offs then... ok...

what's blue and flies around the room?

a gnome with a punctured lung

whats pink,red, and silver and runs into walls?

a gnome with forks stuck in its eyes

whats pink and red and sits in a corner?

a gnome playing with a razor blade

whats green and yellow and sits in a corner?

the same gnome three weeks later

whats pink and red and gets shorter by the minute?

a gnome rubbing its head on a cheese grater

whats more disgusting than a pile of dead gnomes

the other gnome eating its way to the top

whats worse than ten gnomes stapled to one tree

one gnome stapled to ten trees

how do you make a dead gnome float

take your foot off its head

thank you, thank you... ill be here all week... :lol:

officer

23-10-2004, 05:26 PM

The first Dwarf came back and said to the Witch Doctor, "I brought ten
apples." The Witch Doctor then explained the trial to him. It involved placing all of the fruit… somewhere… where fruit usualy doesn't go… infact, fruit usualy leaves from here…. And if the Dwarf showed any emotion, he would be killed.

The first apple went in... but on the second one he winced out
in pain, so he was killed.

i dont get where he was asked to but them, i have an idea, but im not sure?

a_pax

23-10-2004, 06:19 PM

what's the diffrence between a trash can full of dead gnomes and a porsh(very nice car)(in case i miss spelled it)?

i dont have a porsh in my garage

DarknessCrusader

23-10-2004, 07:09 PM

Two humans walk into a bar... the orc ducked.

lordrolo

23-10-2004, 09:08 PM

an elderly night elf couple were vacationing in Ironforge. They checked into their hotel, and in the morning walked out to see the scenery.

a few hours later, they returned, obviously greatly distressed. The hotel clerk asked them what was wrong.

The husband shook his fist and complained, "this whole region is populated by indecent savages! we had hardly walked down out of the city when we saw a gnome by the road, having sex with a boar!!!"

his wife sobbed, "and then on the return trip, we saw a one-legged gnome leaning on a tree masturbating in broad daylight!!"

"aaw, come on now" said the clerk, trying to comfort the distraught couple. "The poor bugger only had one leg, you can't expect him to catch a boar, can you??"

SpAm_BuStA

24-10-2004, 02:26 AM

how do you make a gnome cry twice?

rub you bloddy dick on its blanket

Jawelik

24-10-2004, 03:13 AM

how do you make a gnome cry twice?

rub you bloddy dick on its blanket

... Sicko... No, I apologise for that, actually... That would be a horrible insult to sickos!

Nostradamus92

24-10-2004, 03:28 AM

Undead girl to the Undead guy after intercourse: "I simply cant get enough of you d*ck!"
Undead guy: "Go ahead! Keep it!"

:winner: I AM VICTORIOUS!!!

kabe

24-10-2004, 03:49 AM

an undead party(mage,warrior,rouge,warlock,priest)
are in nite fang, waiting for the right time to attack a set of wolfs.
warlock says," ok who did it"
rouge says, " wasnt me"
priest says, " dont look at me"
warrior says, " it's hard to tell with all this armor on,but im sure i didnt do it "

as every one turns to the mage he looks back at all of them,
with a sarcastic tone in his voice he says, " you dumb-a$$s "
" YOU'RE UNDEAD "

the 4 all at once " oh yeah "

:yep:
lol i made that up just now, tired of seeing nothing but dworf and gnome jokes, boreing.... :sleep:

ixidore

24-10-2004, 04:05 AM

ok...just imagine with me that boomarangs are in warcraft...i know they're not, but ill tell the joke ne way.

what do you call a boomarang that when you throw it, it doesnt come back?

a stick.

Jawelik

24-10-2004, 05:28 AM

Two gnomes go into a bar one evening, and one of them picks up a very open minded, very beautiful and very drunk night elf female. He, his friend and the frisky night elf then went to her place in Darnassus. He then accompanied her into her bedchamber while his friend waited in the next room.

It was then that he heard his freind crying to the female, "I can't do it! I just can't do it!"

The next morning he asked his lucky friend what had happend.

He sadly shook his head in reply. "I just couldn't do it!"

"Performance problems, huh? Couldn't get it up?"

That earned him a scowl. "No!" he snapped. "I couldn't get on the stupid bed!"

DarkMaster

24-10-2004, 05:38 AM

i dont get where he was asked to but them, i have an idea, but im not sure?

Think about it. Where does fruit come out of but not usually go into. If you still aren’t sure bend over and think some more. Now imagine the Dwarf sticking those little berries up there and seeing the final Dwarf coming with Pineapples (imaging trying to shove that up your ... :eek: ).
I ROFL on this one!

Usul

25-10-2004, 12:57 PM

here it goes a really bad one....

What are a bunch of undead jumping from thunderbluff cliffs up to ?
.
.
.
.
.
.
playing tetris

Malki

25-10-2004, 01:48 PM

An orc, a troll and a tauren are wandering through Dustwallow Marsh when they are captured by the guards of Theramore Isle.

They are marched in front of the Captain of the Guard, who tells them "You'll each receive 20 lashes of the whip before you're thrown out of our lands. You may have one wish granted to ease your suffering while you are punished."

The orc steps forward and requests that a pillow be tied to his back while he is whipped. After 10 lashes, the pillow breaks, and the orc is forced to endure 10 painful lashes.

The troll is up next. Grinning smugly, he asks for TWO pillows to be strapped to his back, and escapes without the whip finding his skin.

The tauren is up last. "What's your wish to ease your suffering, tauren?" asks the Captain of the Guard.

"Strap the troll to my back", replies the tauren

Jawelik

25-10-2004, 01:49 PM

A troll and an Undead are both eating a clown. The Troll turns to the undead and asks, "does this taste funny to you?"

Jawelik

25-10-2004, 02:10 PM

A human warrior was captured by a vicious tribe of trolls. Upon being bought to their chief, he tells the human that if he can pass three tasks of great difficulty, he would be released. Failure would result in a slow and painful execution. The warrior agreed.

So the chief told him the three tasks. First on a nearby stump there was a large flaggon of Pandaren ale. The strongest of alcohol in all of Azeroth. He was expected to drink the whole thing.

Secondly there was a mean, angry and particularly starving lioness trapped in a pit in the middle of the troll's villiage. She had a thorn in her paw, and the human had to pull it out.

Finally, in a tent was the chieftain's hideous nymfomaniac daughter, the most insatiable female in the land. His final task was to satisfy her.

So deciding to get the three awful tasks over with as quickly as possible, he picked up the flaggon of ale, popped the cork and promptly gulped down every last drop. Needless to say, the powerful concoction effected him almost immediately.

Dropping the empty flaggon, the human staggered drunkenly towards the lioness' pit, and upon arriving at it tripped over and fell in head first. Hideous screams from the human, and roaring from the lion erupted, as the trolls watched a large dust cloud forming within the pit as the lioness attacked her victim. Then there was silence.

A number of minutes later the tribe was shocked, and admittedly impressed when the human, covered in deep bleeding scratch marks, hauled himself from the pit. Then half limping, half staggering he went up to the chief and slurred triumphantly...

"Well that'sh two of your tasksh done! Now where'sh that lion?"

Knight of Ni

25-10-2004, 06:42 PM

Fist One:

A Dwarf walks out a bar.

Second one:

-How many pints does it take to get a Dwarf drunk?
-Just find one who is sober and we'll start counting!

Third one:

A human, a night elf and a dwarf are out adventuring in Stranglethorn when they are captured by a tribe of trolls. The chieftain tells them, "We're gonna boil ya alive, skin ya and make a canoo out of yo skin! Ya can have one last wish each!"

Fist, the human asks for a knife. He gets it, and screaming "For the Alliance!" he cuts his own throat so he will not be boiled alive.

Then, the night elf asks for a knife. She gets it, and screaming "For Kalimdor!" she also cuts her own throat so she will not be boiled alive.

Finally, the dwarf asks for a fork. The trolls find this rather strange, but agree to his lasts wish. When he gets it, he screams "Screw your canoo!" and stabs himself all over with it.

aartamen

25-10-2004, 06:46 PM

First of all it was a drum not a canoo, secondly it was a fork not a knife.

Knight of Ni

25-10-2004, 11:49 PM

First of all it was a drum not a canoo, secondly it was a fork not a knife.You can easily make a drum out of skin with holes in it, and I did say a fork! Seriously, there are about a hundred versions of every joke in the universe. It's impossible to say which is right one.

lordrolo

28-10-2004, 02:30 PM

A tauren who had just completed Druid College returned to his clan, camped somewhere in Mulgore.

Upon his return, the Chief asked him to demonstrate some of his newfound powers.

"I will demonstrate my ability to speak with animals." he said. "I can talk to your dog, for example".

"Dog doesn't talk" responded the chief.

nevertheless, the young druid kneeled down and whispered with the dog for a moment. He then stood up and said, "Spot says sorry about your leather gloves, he chewed them up this morning."

The chief shook his head. "You could have heard about that from anyone. Try something else."

"Very well" responded the druid. "I'll chat with your Kodo".

"Kodo doesn't talk" said the chief.

The druid wispered with the Kodo for a bit, then said, "he says he loves working with you, but he really doesn't like staying in the pen at night. Try letting him sleep out in the open."

"you just made that up" said the chief.

Frustrated, the young druid snapped, "fine. its obvious you won't believe me no matter what I say. I should just go out to the hills and talk to some of the boars that are running around".

"NO!!" interrupted the chief, suddenly visibly panicked. "Boars LIE!!!"

lordrolo

28-10-2004, 02:44 PM

It is a little-known fact that the Dwarf Queen, wife of King Magni Bronzebeard, is incredibly hot. This is because the jealous king hides her away as much as possible to prevent horny dwarves from lusting after her. (According to beta testers, the Male/Female ration among dwarves is approximately 20 to 1).

Before going into battle, when Khaz Modan was invaded during Warcraft 2, he decided to take extra precautions. He had an adamantite chastity belt constructed and fixed to the queen, and he left the only key in posession of his trusted guard captain.

He led the dwarves into battle, confident that his most precious treasure at home was well guarded. Imagine his surprise when his guard captain rode into the field camp.

"Your Majesty!" he shouted. "You have given me the wrong key!!"

LuxAeterna

28-10-2004, 03:00 PM

whats the difference between a roadkill and a dead gnome on a road?

Theres break marks in front of the roadkill.

Jawelik

28-10-2004, 09:49 PM

One evening an unusual trio of crooks escaped from Stormwind prison. A gnome, a dwarf and a Human. Chased into the dark forest by the city guards, they found themselves cornered at a cliff. But thinking quickly the gnome found three sacks and told his friends to hide in them and lay still.

The three of them climbed into the sacks, and in time a large group of Stormwind guards showed up. The captain looked at the sacks, then walked up to the one with the gnome in it and kicked it hard.

Wincing with pain, the gnome thought quickly and cried out, "MEOW!!! MEOW!!!"

The captain then just shrugged his shoulders, and said to his men. "Just a cat." Then he kicked the sack with the Dwarf in it, he took the gnome's idea and cried out.

"WOOF!!! WOOF!!!"

Again the Captain just shrugged. "Just a dog." Finally he walked up to the last sack with the human in it and kicked it hard.

Panicking the human cried out, "POTATOES, POTATOES!!!"

Granis

28-10-2004, 09:50 PM

World of WarCraft is a Hellluva Drug!

Manwe

29-10-2004, 05:02 AM

1) In the joke as I originally heard it, the lawyer writes a complaint letter, the doctor kills himself, and the engineer does the fork thing - so maybe a Gnome would work better?

2) Those Undead Males must need some serious Viagra. :)

lordrolo

30-10-2004, 03:25 PM

a Gnome walks into a bar in Ironforge, looking really depressed. He orders a glass of Pandaren Whiskey and slugs it down in one gulp. The bartender asks him what's wrong. The gnome replies, "I just found out my brother is queer".

a few days later, the same gnome walks into the same bar and orders TWO glasses of Pandaren Whiskey. Curious, the bartender asks him what's wrong this time.
"I just found out BOTH my bothers are queer, and they're lovers". He downs both glasses.

couple days later, the gnome walks in and orders THREE whiskies. Astonished, the bartender asks him, "Isn't ANYBODY in your family straight??"

"Sure" replies the gnome. "Me and my sister".

Talismaine

01-11-2004, 05:52 AM

Alright, here's another:

During what is now know as the "Rexxar Campaign," the Grand Admiral Proudmoore had to take over Theramore Isle. Before he could land his troops, though, he first had to break through Theramore's navy. So, he sent out his most trusty Captain.

As the two armadas were amassing in the middle of the ocean, the two commanders were looking at each other through their telescopes, as they waited abord their flagships.

The Captain of Proudmoore's fleet is looking across at the other one, and then he turns to his aid, and says, "Bring me my red jacket, so that if I might be shot by an errant arrow during todays battle, my men will not see my blood, and so will not know that their leader is hit, and they will continue fighting on bravely to victory." The aid rushes off.

The defencive captain is looking through his teliscope, and sees the aid return with the coat. Ah, so he es uzing ze red jaquette trick zen, is he, he thinks in a surprisingly French accent. He thinks for a while, and then turns around to his aid and says, "Brringa me, my brrowna pants!"

Khal'jur

01-11-2004, 05:56 AM

What's the difference between a useful gnome and bigfoot?

Bigfoots been spotted.

( i know, i know, rip off of chris rock )

UnDeRsTaTeMeNt

01-11-2004, 07:56 AM

Jawelik

01-11-2004, 08:32 AM

That one about Admiral Proudmoore reminded me of a joke. Around the same time as the last joke, Admiral Proudmoore landed on Kalimdor with a large force. He was then startled by a voice that called out to him from some nearby bushes.

"Hey Human! One orc. Two humans!"

Realising this voice belonged to one of the foul orcs, and confident in the superiority of his own race, the Admiral took the orc's challenge. Calling out for two of his best soldiers, he pointed to the bushes. "You two. Go in there and slay that orc!"

Obediently the two soldiers rushed into the bushes and out of sight. Then the sound of a loud but all too brief battle erupted. Followed by the death cries of two humans... Then silence...

"Hey human!" the voice grunted again. "1 orc. 10 humans!"

Growling, the Admiral again took the orcs challenge, and gathered 10 very eager volunteers, all impatient to avenge their two fallen comrades.

"Go in there and destroy that beast!"

Again the men charged into the bushes out of sight. The sounds of battle again erupted, and lasted a little longer this time. But just the same as before it ended with the deathcries of the human soldiers. Then again there was silence.

"Hey human! 1 orc! 50 HUMANS!!!"

Furious, the Admiral decided to take no more chances and called upon his 15th battallion, a hundred of his finest troops, and again pointed into the bushes. "CHAAAARRRRRRGGGEEE!!!" he roared at the top of his lungs.

Charging in the army vanished into the dense bushes. Knights on horseback, sorceresses and priests, footmen, even dwarven riflemen and mortar teams made up this mighty force.

The sounds of a massive battle came from within the bushes, the earth shook, trees fell and large parts of the landscape exploded. There were gunshots, clashing of blades, fleshy thuds, and a veritable chorus of death cries. But soon, once again, there was silence.

Then without warning, one of his men came limping out of the bushes, with a frantic look on his face. He was bleeding profusely, an arm had been chopped off, and he looked ready to die. But before passing out, he cried out to the Admiral.

"Sir, sir! Its a trick!! There's 2 of them!!"

Tso Za Naoa

01-11-2004, 11:04 AM

One day a Dwarf Paladin, a Night Elf Priest and a Human Warrior decided that the time was right to deal out some justice to some horde rear ends. And what better place to do that than the Horde Central, Kalimdor. They figured the best way to get there was to fly, so they hunted down a freelance goblin Zeppelin.

With transportation and plan secured, they set out from the shores of Teldrassil. Upon landfall they notice a significant amount of horde activity in Darkshore, making a landing something somewhat terminal. Wisely they decided to head inland a bit further, perhaps Felwood.

On their way over the mountains overlooking Darkshore, they are viciously attacked by a large band of Orcs, forcing the goblin pilot to make a hasty retreat. The goblin saved them all from a rather unpleasant death, but the unarmored Zeppelin took significant damage dispite the pilot's best efforts. Losing altitude quickly the Goblin informed the group that if they don't lose a lot of ballast immediately they would find out real quick how forgiving the ground is from this high up. Under a quick consensus, they grabbed hold of the support ropes and cut loose the undercarriage.

Though four of them dangling from ropes, things were not going to improve, they were still falling at a likely fatal rate. So the Goblin informs the group once again that something had to go, lest they find out how forgiving the ground and the horde are. So with nothing to drop except eachother, one of them has to make the ultimate sacrafice.

The Dwarf Paladin scrapes up his courage and announces that it is his duty to protect his allies. "For the honor and glory of Ironforge!" he yells proudly and lets go of his rope, falling to his death

The odds are looking better now, and a crash landing, if somewhat hard, would be survivable. Unfortunately the Goblin determined that would drop them right in the middle of Darkshore, which was currently occupied by plenty of the vengeful horde. If they were to have any hope of survival, they would have to reach the ocean. So the Goblin informed the Elf and the Human of the grim news.

The Elf Priest explained to the other two that he has dedicated all his existance to preserving life, and he was not going to let another go because of his hesitation. So the Priest pulls himself together and exclaims, "May the World Tree live for eternity". The humble Elf lets go and drops to his end.

The Goblin recalculates their trajectory and finds that they will reach just outside the Kalimdor shores. "We are going to make it!" the goblin says joyfully. Overcome with excitement the warrior chears, "YAY!" and claps his hands enthusiastically.

Scytale

01-11-2004, 02:01 PM

A dwarf asked a midget what he was doing;
- What are you doing?
-I'm playing world of warcraft! the midget answered
-wow !

Scytale

01-11-2004, 02:05 PM

jawelik I didnt get yours!

lordrolo

01-11-2004, 03:17 PM

An explorer was preparing to travel through the Tanaris desert. Since the trip was probably going to take a while, he asked a local goblin Camel merchant if the camel could go without water for three weeks.

"No Problem" says the Goblin. "All you need is to get him to drink three weeks worth of water". He leads the camel to a large water tank, where it drinks for a while, then stops.

"Hmm" says the gobbo. "I'm not certain that's enough for three weeks. We'd better make sure."

The goblin grabs two bricks from a nearby pile, sneaks behind the camel, and smashes them together around the camel's nuts. The camel shrieks, and chugs down about forty gallons of water in one gulp.

"My Lord!" goggled the astonished explorer. "Doesn't that hurt??"

"Not if you know what your doing" replied the goblin. "You have to make sure you don't get your thumbs caught between the bricks."

lordrolo

01-11-2004, 03:24 PM

A human and an elf were sitting in a bar, talking about sex. The Elf was bragging about how good Elves were at it.

"In Teldrassil, I have learned 99 different ways to please my partner. We practice day and night, and I'm pretty well convinced we've tried everything that's possible."

"Wow" said the human, impressed. "I've only ever done the one thing. I take my woman and ..."

"Oh my!!" interrupted the elf. "I think you've found number 100!!"

lordrolo

01-11-2004, 03:34 PM

"My wife is a cheating liar!" said one orc to the other in a bar.

"How do you know?" asked his friend?

"She was out all last night, and when she came home, she told me she'd been at her sister's place."

"Well, it could be true" replied the friend.

"No it can't! I spent the night with her sister!!"

lordrolo

04-11-2004, 05:50 PM

two male gnomes walk into the Church of the Light in Stormwind and ask to speak to the Mother Superior.

When they are ushered into her office, they ask her, "Excuse me, but do you know if there are any Gnomish Nuns here in this church?"

"No", explains the Mother Superior. "We'd be happy to accept them but for some reason gnomes just never seem to want a life with the church".

"Hmm. Do you know if there are any gnomish nuns, anywhere?"

"As far as I know" replied the Mother Superior, "There are no Gnomish nuns anywhere in the Church of the Light".

"Thank you" Said the gnome, then turned to his companion. "I told you you must have f**ked a penguin!"

cantrel

19-12-2006, 10:40 AM

A warlock walks up to the gates of the the Undercity, and shouts "I CHALLENGE THE ENTIRE CITY TO A DUEL TO THE DEATH!!!" The queen of the city happens to be passing by and hears this, she is irrate at the impudence of this warlock and dispatches 2 of her best fighters to go outside and kill him. The warlock steps back into a thick fog, the two fighters follow him in and much shouting and screaming is heard. 1 minute later the warlock laughs, riotously. Now the queen is pissed, they were her two best warriors, she sends out 20 guards to kill that mongrel. Again, the warlock steps into the fog and the troops follow, again, much screaming and yelling followed by that insane laughter from the warlock. Truly Irate she sends out 200 troops to put him down. Once again, screams, yelling and the laughter. In a frenzy she calls forth the rest of the cities defenders 2000 of the best of the Undercity. Into the fog they go....Screams, yelling, and one lone troop comes running out of the fog and shouts before he dies "It's a trick, there's TWO WARLOCKS!!!!!!"

Guess it would pay to read the post's, First order goes to Jawelick!

cantrel

19-12-2006, 10:51 AM

a Gnome walks into a bar in Ironforge, looking really depressed. He orders a glass of Pandaren Whiskey and slugs it down in one gulp. The bartender asks him what's wrong. The gnome replies, "I just found out my brother is queer".

a few days later, the same gnome walks into the same bar and orders TWO glasses of Pandaren Whiskey. Curious, the bartender asks him what's wrong this time.
"I just found out BOTH my bothers are queer, and they're lovers". He downs both glasses.

couple days later, the gnome walks in and orders THREE whiskies. Astonished, the bartender asks him, "Isn't ANYBODY in your family like girls??"

"Sure" replies the gnome. "my sister".

needed revision

Mincemaker

19-12-2006, 03:05 PM

Here's a bunch my guildies and I share:

Why didn't the Paladin cross the road?
His Hearthstone's on cooldown.

*************

How many Paladins does it take to screw a lightbulb?
Impossible! They would all bubble hearth!

*****************

How many Rogues does it take to gank a Paladin?
2! 1 to gank him in the field, another to gank him in Ironforge.

*****************

Typical goblin thought processes:
1. How to sneak these bombs past the city guards?
2. How to make a profit selling these bombs?
3. How to blow up the guards if the scheme fails?
4. How to blow up the city if number 3. fails to solve the problem?
*********************

A dwarven guard in Ironforge apprehended a goblin.
"You are under arrest for a murder attempt on a gnome!" he yelled. The goblin, indignant, yelled back, "What prove do you have to accuse me of this crime?"

The guard cleared his throat and then said, "The gnome's mechano-strider.....exploded."

And there was silence.

******************

Why can't goblins and gnomes get along?
Because the gnomes will design something and the goblins will blow it up.

And self-reproducing machines can't beat self-reproducing bombs.

******************

They are all lame, yes, but we in our guild are lame people.

MadVlad

19-12-2006, 04:11 PM

Did you know gnomes make the best shoes?

The hard part is getting your feet in their tiny little mouths.

icutyoubad

19-12-2006, 10:17 PM

A human, a dwarf and a gnome all die and are in the graveyard. All being too lazy to run to their corpses, they each decide to hit up the spirit for a rez. The spirit tells them, "You must each tell me how you died, so that I can decide on how long you must stay a ghost. Human, you first."

So the human says, "Ok, imagine this. I know my wife is cheating on me, but I don't have any proof, so I decide to come home from questing early one day to catch her in the act. I walk up to our room at the inn and see steam coming from the bath room, but she is fully clothed and dry on the bed. So I go into the steamy bath room and see a tub full of hot water. I look out the window and sure enough there is this guy--" he jerks his thumb at the dwarf "--hanging on to the window ledge. I stomped on his fingers and he fell, but the gods must have loved him because he landed in the bushes and lived. So I drage the tub over, tip it out the window and it lands on him and kills him. Unfortunately, I lost my balance and fell as well, and died."

The spirit smirks and looks at the dwarf. "Your turn."

The Dwarf says, "Ok, imagine this. I'm on the balcony of my inn room trying to get in some weapon practice with my new plus nineteen stamina axe. Well, one swing goes wild, throws me off balance and I fall off the balcony. I managed to catch myself on a window sill when this idiot--" he jerks his thumb at the human "--stomps on my fingers. I let go, but the gods must have loved me because I landed in the bushes and lived. Then idiot here tosses a tub full of water out the window and kills me."

The spirit chuckles and looks at the gnome. "And what happened to you?"

The gnome says, "Ok, imagine this. I'm naked and hiding in a tub full of water..."

Celedra

20-12-2006, 03:28 AM

lol^^ i liked that :P

Felix Niebuhr

20-12-2006, 03:29 AM

Being a mage is just like being Irish: Drinkin then fightin then drinkin then fightin then drinkin then...

UndeadRogue

20-12-2006, 10:07 AM

Four elves are standing in line at the gates of heaven. Saint Peter asks the first if she has ever sinned.

"Well, once I looked at an orc his dingalong," she said.

"Put some of this holy water on your eyes and you may enter heaven," Peter told her.

He then asked the second elf if she had ever sinned.

"Well, once I held an ocrs dingalong in my hand," she replied. "Put your hand in this holy water and you may enter heaven," he said.

Just then the fourth elf pushed ahead of the third elf.

"Why did you push ahead in line?" asked Peter.

"Because I want to gargle with it before she sits in it!" replied the elf.

phyrephly

20-12-2006, 10:14 AM

Jerree

20-12-2006, 02:40 PM

A gnome, night elf, dwarf, and human are all sitting together in a bar trying to think of ways to bring honor to their cities. The human, thinking long an hard says, "Why don't we jump off the great lift for our cities and honor them with our sacrifice..."

The rest think this is a great idea and off they go. When they reach the lift the Human says he'll go first since it was his idea, so he steps up to the edge and yells, "FOR STORMWIND!!!" He then jumps to his death.

The Night Elf decides he will go next and steps up to the edge yelling, "FOR DARNASSUS!!!" He then jumps to his death.

The Dwarf, working up his courage asks the Gnome to tell him how far down the fall is. The Gnome walks up to the edge and looks down when suddenly the Dwarf yells, "FOR IRONFORGE!!!" and kicks the Gnome off.

:grin:

Sundestroyer

20-12-2006, 09:38 PM

One day I was strolling through Mulgore when I ran across a Tauren who farms so much his epic mount is a tractor.

Foonyak

20-12-2006, 09:46 PM

Imagine that; a cow driving a tractor. Just think about it for...2...1...:laugh:

djiss

20-12-2006, 09:48 PM

Never ever put the Tauren behind the plough....

icutyoubad

20-12-2006, 10:23 PM

A dwarf from Ironforge is in Stormwind for the first time. He walks into a taver that has a sign above the door that reads: FREE ALE! FREE ALE FOR LIFE FOR ANYONE WHO CAN PASS THE TEST! Being a Dwarf, the prospect of free ale for life is a good one. He goes inside and asks the bar man, "What's the test?"

"Well," the bar man says, "first you have to drink that whole gallon of underbrewed ale, the WHOLE thing at once. Second, that hunter over there has a pet alligator out back with a sore tooth. You have to remove it with your bare hands. Last, there is a female night elf upstairs who has never had an orgasm. You gotta fix that for her."

At first the dwarf says, "Much as I like free ale, that seems too much. I won't do it."

As the night draws on, however, the dwarf approaches the bar man and says, "All righ', where's tha ale!!?"

He grabs the gallon of ale and downs in without taking a breath. Tears stream from his eyes and drip to the floor from his beard. He staggers out back and soon all the people in the tavern hear the most frightening roaring and thumping, then silence. The dwarf stumbles back into the tavern with bloody scratches all over his body and says, "All righ'! Where's tha nigh' elf with tha sore tooth!!?"

Sundestroyer

21-12-2006, 07:31 PM

Here is a thought. What happens when the Unstoppable Force hits the Immovable Object?

And another. Why can't Tauren females summon milk for party members?

Foonyak

21-12-2006, 07:36 PM

Here is a thought. What happens when the Unstoppable Force hits the Immovable Object?

And another. Why can't Tauren females summon milk for party members?

1. The Inescapable Destruction

2. Defective Udders?

djiss

21-12-2006, 07:39 PM

Here is a thought. What happens when the Unstoppable Force hits the Immovable Object?

NEVER ever do that!
the server will collapse like if you were trying to divid a number by 0.

Foonyak

21-12-2006, 08:34 PM

Why did the paladin move to Brill?

He thought he was turning undead!!!

icutyoubad

21-12-2006, 09:20 PM

Haha ^^ I especially like the bold font for the punchline.

Sundestroyer

21-12-2006, 09:52 PM

2 Night Elves were on the outskirts of Darnassus having intercourse, when a small Draenei craft landed near them. Letting their curiosity get the better of them, they approached the craft just as 2 Draenei stepped down from it. They quickly introduced themselves to one another, and then surprisingly the Draenei mentioned they were watching the Night Elves for quite some time. "We have been watching you, and were wondering if that is how all Night Elves have intercourse?" The Night Elves answered.."Well, yes." Then the Draenei had an idea brewing between them. "Won't you try having intercourse with us then?" Shocked, the Night Elves were besides themselves. After a quick discussion, they decided that it wouldn't hurt any...so the Male Draenei went off with the female Night Elf, and the Female Draenei went off with the male Night Elf.

As soon as they were alone, the male Draenei and female Night Elf started getting into it, hot and heavy. The Draenei then asked..."So, how do you like it so far?" The female Night Elf answered.."It's ok....but I'm used to something longer. "No problem" says the Draenei as he twists his left ear. The size of his tool increases by many inches. "WOW, THAT was INCREDIBLE." Says the Night Elf..."But now it's proportionatly thin." Once again, the Draenei says..."No problem", and twists his right ear. The thickness increased substantially. "By Elune, that is AMAZING" the Night Elf exclaimed. They continued for several hours until it was late, and the Draenei couple had to leave.

After bidding farewell to their newfound friends, the 2 Night Elves sat down and discussed their experiences. The male Night Elf asked.."So, how was it for you?" The female replied..."Oh my...not even Azshara herself could have ever experienced something so incredable.....it was the best I've ever had." Then she asks..."How about you? How did things go with the Draenei female?" He answers..."Well, it was ok...but she damn near ripped my ears off."

puppettmaster

04-03-2007, 05:17 AM

It hadn't, for which there's a very good reason

Pdog

04-03-2007, 01:34 PM

Q: Why would a dwarf female have a Mohawk and goatee?

A: Brazillian Wax!

christynemarie

13-06-2007, 06:05 PM

Q: Why did the night elf male exclusively date only dwarven and Gnomish women?

A: Because he was nuts over them!

(This is a visual joke people :wink2:)

CorinthianSC

13-06-2007, 11:40 PM

Havn't read the whole thread, so sorry if this is a repeat:

Two Tauren and a Naga fall off a cliff.

Ba-dum Hiss

:D

::crickets::

rottentomato

13-06-2007, 11:58 PM

ummm...

CHUCK NORRIS!!

:hide:

Ceera

14-06-2007, 12:07 AM

This thread is 2 years old!!!

Do you have a habit of bringing them back from the dead - and if so, what old threads are worth reading?

Zendarin

14-06-2007, 12:56 AM

This thread may be 2 years old - but if you have never read it b4 it still ROCKS :grin:

Ok - so here is my contribution. LONG:

A troll and an orc are hunting in the forest one day when they happen upon the Queen of the Faeries.

“Oh please, kind sirs, spare my life and I will grant you each 3 wishes” the Faerie Queen says.

The orc and the troll talk it over and decide this is a pretty good deal so they spare the Queen’s life. The orc goes first and says “I want a 1000 gold”. The Faerie Queen waves her wand and in a flash gold coins start falling from the sky as the orc dances with glee.

The troll thinks a moment and brandishing his sword he says “Me want a shiny new poker”. The Queen pales a bit as the troll waves his sword and in a puff of smoke a gleaming and well balanced broadsword appears.

The orc looks at the troll and says “You are one stupid troll aren’t you? You could have wished for a lot of money like me and bought a DOZEN of those swords. You have to wish for something you can’t get on your own – like this”. Turning to the fairy he says “I wish ALL the other orcs in the woods were females”. The Faerie Queens waves her wand again and there is a flash of light. Off in the distance they hear the sound of female orcs giggling.

The troll glares at the orc for a moment and then turns to the Faerie and say “Me wants a magic flyin rug”. POOF a flying carpet appears hovering a few inches off the ground.

The orc looks at the troll and says “You just don’t get it do you? You can BUY magic carpets. You are not only the stupidest troll in the whole world yer parents must have been the second stupidest”. Turning to the Faerie Queen the orc looks thoughtful and says “Hmmm… you know what? For my 3rd and final wish I wish all the orcs in the whole WORLD, except for me, were girls”. “DONE” says the Faerie Queen clapping her hands with a blinding flash of light.

Now the troll is really angry and turns to the Queen and says “Me wishes dis orc wuz gay” and he hops on his flying carpet and flys away.

:grin:

Shellar

14-06-2007, 03:35 PM

Here is a thought. What happens when the Unstoppable Force hits the Immovable Object?
http://www.thecenterpiece.org/storage/unstoppableforce.gif

snowieken

14-06-2007, 07:30 PM

goatman

18-06-2007, 10:39 AM

here is my hand at a bad wow joke

how do you know you play to much world of warcraft?
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your girlfriends panties are considered a rare drop
:laughing:

undeadgnome

18-06-2007, 10:47 AM

Here's a crappy one:

A priest said I'm afraid of spiders A mage said I'm afraid of sheep, Then the warlock said the only thing to fear is fear itself, and casted fear on them, and sent them into the lava.

dain bramaged

07-07-2007, 08:33 PM

a tauren walks into a bar and the bartender asks: "Why the long face?"

Blakbow

08-07-2007, 12:46 AM

3 rogues, an undead, a troll, and an orc, are skulking around a small dwarven excavation site.
Troll: *whispering* I count 6 riflemen, and twice as many workers with pickaxes.
Undead: *Whispering* We need to go around to that side, where they keep their blasting powder, and set it to blow. then we can sneak in and take them out from behind while they're distracted.
Orc: WHY ARE YOU GUYS WHISPERING?! THEY CAN'T SEE US!

Fishbeard

08-07-2007, 01:45 AM

Nessingway and Nessingway Jr are lying in their tent after a hard days hunting
Nessingway looks up and says to his son , "what do you see son?" and his son replies , Well i see hundres and thousands of stars and beyond that are probably hundreds of planets and beyond that lie the unknow mysteries of space . Nessingway ashamed at his sons foolishness asks " Yes....and what does that mean" and Nessingway Jr replies " Well i suppose in theory that means that there are endless possibilties for intelligent life out there..right?"
Nessingway now angry "NO YOU BLOODY FOOL IT MEANS SOMEONE HAS STOLEN THE TENT!! "

asianhippie

04-10-2007, 02:24 PM

A human went to live with the hordes, but no one would talk to him, so he asks an orc why wouldn't anyone speak to him. The orc told him it's because he hasnt been initiated yet. To be initiated he has to get drunk and sleep with a female blood elf, and he has to slay a scourge. So the man asks to be initiated. On the night he got very drunk and went into the chamber. He came out the next day and goes "where's that blood i have to slay?"

asianhippie

04-10-2007, 03:55 PM

According to the prophecies if anyone survives a fall from the top of Dark Temple he will be granted a wish. However, it doesn't always come out the way you want it to. So 3 brave warriors traveled to the top of Dark Temple, a tauren, a troll and an orc. The tauren decides to jump first, when he landed he said "i want a swift windrider" and he turned into a windrider. Then the troll jumps down and says "I want money, lots of it" so he turns into heaps of gold. Tt last the orc jumps, unfortunatly he lands on his knee and goes "S**T!!!!!".

we can all image what happend to him =P

asianhippie

05-10-2007, 01:29 PM

Wintrow

05-10-2007, 03:05 PM

one day a troll mother takes all his sons to the priest. the priest asked why she had name her olderest son leaf, she replyed "a leaf fell on his head when he was born." the priest asked why she had named her second son flower. she replyed "a flower fall on his head when he was born." just before the priest was gona proceed to ask the same question with her third son, her son who has been siting at the corn the whole time makes a very retard noisy "humhnhhuahauuf", he mother goes "shut up fridge!!"

Not very wow-like... you should've added more of a jamaican accent. And perhaps pick a main NPC from wow as priest.

And replace fridge with something that actually exists ingame...

Other than that: funny :smiley:

Pyramidas

05-10-2007, 03:24 PM

A human and a dwarf walk into a bar. The human says to the dwarf "you're lucky your so short. That hurt like hell!"

silverpie

07-10-2007, 04:22 AM

Why are there no restaurants in Thunder Bluff?

The waiters keep quitting when they find out they'll be tipped...

spadron

07-10-2007, 06:38 PM

A hunter wakes up early and decides to give his bear some excercise in Hillsbrad. He gets to the graveyard and is walking through it when he sees the Spirit Guide.

"Morning!" says the Spirit Guide
"No" replies the hunter, "I'm just walking my bear"

Rozebud

17-01-2008, 02:04 PM

What's the worst thing about playing a Paladin?
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Having to tell your parents that you're gay

Sureshot

07-03-2008, 05:48 PM

I got 2 - But there not actually that bad :P

Q1. What do you call it when its heavily raining in Thunder Bluff?
A1. Taurential rain

Q2. How many rogues does it take to kill a paladin?
A2. 2, one to attack and the other waits at innkeeper. /hate bubble hearth

elsegundo

08-03-2008, 01:49 AM

What do newbs and rogues have in common???

they both pick locks.

wowlovermillion

12-09-2008, 10:05 PM

Drunk for 10.000 years. Banished from my own toilet. And now u dare eneter my ass. U ARE NOT PREPARED!:evil:

Erinne

13-09-2008, 04:35 PM

What do newbs and rogues have in common???

they both pick locks.
You win the internet.

Anyway, I've got one:
Two rogues are standing on the Aldor rise, waiting for the lift. One says to the other, "Hey, did you know that in the last patch, they nerfed fall damage so now you can jump from here without dying?"
The second rogue, of course, doesn't believe it at first, but the first rogue jumps off, and a minute later rides back in the lift, alive and unharmed.
Amazed, the second one decides to try jumping as well, only to fall to his death below.
A passing Aldor guard, having seen the whole incident, says to the first rogue, "Man, you engineers sure can be a nasty bunch!"

Tance

17-10-2008, 11:00 AM

A Tauren warrior, a Blood Elf priest and a Forsaken warlock are captured by the Alliance during a raid. All are sentenced to the “march of death.” They are taken to Tanaris, striped down to a lion cloth and told that they must make their way across the desert to Gadgetzan. If they die, so be it, if they lived, the ordeal of the trek would be their punishment. As a last request, each is given a choice of one food item to carry.

“I’ll take a watermelon” says the Tauren, “I can drink it’s juices and then eat it to sustain me through the journey.”

“I’ll take a coconut,” scoffs the Blood Elf, “It’s lighter than a watermelon and will sustain me just the same.”

The Forsaken looks for a moment at the other two and then turns to the guards and says: “Can I have just a fork?”

For more fail jokes, pictures and vids, visit WoWFailblog.com (http://www.wowfailblog.com)