MUST READ!! Wives upset about videogames.

[SirBazturd]

:lol: My wife found this thread, it is worth a few chuckles!!!

I also put the link in if anyone wants to see the original.


[URL=http://bbs.babycenter.com/board/baby/postpartumsex/10518/thread/1875470]
"Cheating on me with a video game!!!"

Author: Novemberbaby79 Feb 24, 2005, 3:37 PM (PST)

Seriously, my dh is ALWAYS on the damned computer game. He comes home from work, pats the kids on the head, eats dinner, watches MAYBE 30 minutes of TV with me and then it's to the computer he goes. He hs not come to bed with me since I don't know when. I have begged, pleaded, told him how I shouldn't be lonely if I am married. Nothing works, he does not care how I feel. I have tried seduction and that does get me sex but in his office and then it's back to the game. I am so lonely and I am starting to want nothing more than to leave. I deserve BETTER. I am a SAHM and my dh is in the military. He is about to deploy again for a year (he missed our dd's birth) and he could play his game over there for a solid year, I don't think it's too much to ask that he atleast come to bed with me for the time that we do have. I guess I don't have any questions but need to vent. He thinks he is the greastest thing since sliced bread and that I should be happy because we have a nice home and he's a good provider but money is NOT the issue. My ex bf was a millionaire and I walked away from his money. I don't and never have wanted material things, I just don't want to be married and feel this lonely.

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Author: justcrazy Feb 25, 2005, 6:19 AM (PST)

What kind of online game does he play? Mine used to play Dark Ages of Camelot and it was annoying. He would get cranky once the game had him "hooked" and it is indeed where he met at least one of his girlfriends.

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Author: lorion3 Feb 25, 2005, 7:26 AM (PST)

Seriously, what is it with men and there games. Whether it be a video game or a sports game. It's all about priorities and putting your family first, especially your spouse. They say we just don't understand. Sad to say, it is them that do not understand. They do not understand that their priorities are really screwed up.
My husband is "cheating on me" with basketball. I know exactly how you feel.
I'll keep you in my prayers. Good luck.

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Author: Novemberbaby79 Feb 25, 2005, 7:53 AM (PST)

It's a game called World of Warcraft. You know he's 33, not 23, not 13 but 33! There is no excuse for this behavior. I am just tired, ya know. He thinks that since we have material things, I should be happy. I am leaving with the kids for a long weekend at my grandmas ranch. I need some fresh air and my grandma is my best friend so I am going to talk it over with her. I just e-mailed my dh and told him that we need marriage counseling because I just can't keep doing this. I beg, plead, cry, seduce, playfully tease him and nothing, nothing, nothing. I am a single parent, lonely wife enough with all of the demands of the military. I DESERVE a husband who wants me. Thanks for responding guys, I appreciate it.

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Author: justcrazy Feb 25, 2005, 11:49 AM (PST)

I totally relate! I mean TOTALLY! It's frustrating. My husband set up a website for his "game" and he had a guild. He formed a team online. I was going to school and had to take our newborn (two weeks at the time) with me because my husband did not want his game interfered with.

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Author: Kattnipp Feb 26, 2005, 8:16 AM (PST)

Here is a small suggestion. My husband used to play on the computer so much that I forgot he was there. So I decided if he wanted to act like he had no wife I would treat him like he had no wife. No I didn't go out and cheat on him. I stopped cooking and doing laundry for him. Sorry I am not a maid service. I didn't clean the computer room either. If he dropped his clothes somewhere rest asurred the clothes would still be there when he went to look for them. After a few weeks of this he got the hint and sat me down to see if there was something we could do about the situation. I said yup there is. So now we have dinner at the table Sunday to Thrusday. Friday and Saturday if he wants to play on the computer during meal times I don't agrue. I get 6 hours of my time a week doing what ever it I want. He can't complain. And he helps with the house work before logging in. It wasn't long till he realized how much time he has spent on the computer and now he generally waits until I am heading off to bed or watching something he isnt' interested in before playing his game. Good luck ladies and I know how hard it can be.

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Author: CATs mommy Apr 15, 2005, 7:46 PM (PDT)

Wow, can I ever relate to this one!! My husband is really more into video games than computer. He uses our spare bedroom where he has his TV, surround sound, and Playstation all set up. He retreats there every night and we maybe go to bed together once a week or less, when he decides he wants to have sex. He's always begging me just like a child for new games and pouts when I say we can't afford it. Every time I do something for me or my son (which is like never, and when I say something I mean a haircut or new shoes) he says, hey since you're getting that can I get this ______ (fill in the blank with toy, video game, DVD, take your pick, he's addicted to them all!!). It makes me crazy!!

[Lord_Shinnok]

women.....

[ArmageddalCake]

women.....

Personally, my girlfriend doesn't care. Granted I'll take going out with her over a game of WoW, but there have been many a conversation ended because of a need to play warcraft with the guys. She just sees it as some necessary male bonding time.

[toader]

Video game addiction is quite a serious issue, and shouldnt really be mocked.

I mean...someone of your age and postition Shinnok, its fine...play all you want.

But I personally know of two marriages of people about my age (25) that have already ended because of video game addiction.

I am personally married, and its something I struggle with as well. I dont think I spend as much time as the husbands's of the women who wrote those posts.....but sometimes I think I spend too much considering I am married.

Its something I constantly struggle with, its hard to find a balance.

And please...noone like DC come in here and say: "Just get your GF/Fiance/Wife to play with you...." That rarely works, and is only a solution like 2% of the times, most cases its just a bandaid on the problem....trust me.

Anyways....considering how addicting WoW is...I think I am balancing it out pretty well. Needless to say, I can rarely do any grouping activites that require a ton of time, because most often my gaming experience consists of maybe being online for an hour or two, then hopping off, spending some time, etc, then maybe hopping back on later. Oh well. :lol:


Sometimes though the gals can go a bit overboard with their hysterical rants and complaints about their husbands. Ever since Ive been around MMO games, Ive read forums from ladies like this. The worst way to go about it (ladies if anyones reading this) is to get mad at them and make them stop...they will be miserable and it will affect both of you negatively. The best solution ALWAYS seems to be work out a balanced schedule. Give the game player time where they can freely play without feeling guilty, but accordingly, make them schedule time to spend with their significant other or family. Balance and schedule is the key (along with not making the person feel guilty when they do play).

[Silverhand]

Video game addiction is quite a serious issue, and shouldnt really be mocked.

I mean...someone of your age and postition Shinnok, its fine...play all you want.

But I personally know of two marriages of people about my age (25) that have already ended because of video game addiction.

I am personally married, and its something I struggle with as well. I dont think I spend as much time as the husbands's of the women who wrote those posts.....but sometimes I think I spend too much considering I am married.

Its something I constantly struggle with, its hard to find a balance.

And please...noone like DC come in here and say: "Just get your GF/Fiance/Wife to play with you...." That rarely works, and is only a solution like 2% of the times, most cases its just a bandaid on the problem....trust me.

Anyways....considering how addicting WoW is...I think I am balancing it out pretty well. Needless to say, I can rarely do any grouping activites that require a ton of time, because most often my gaming experience consists of maybe being online for an hour or two, then hopping off, spending some time, etc, then maybe hopping back on later. Oh well. :lol:


Sometimes though the gals can go a bit overboard with their hysterical rants and complaints about their husbands. Ever since Ive been around MMO games, Ive read forums from ladies like this. The worst way to go about it (ladies if anyones reading this) is to get mad at them and make them stop...they will be miserable and it will affect both of you negatively. The best solution ALWAYS seems to be work out a balanced schedule. Give the game player time where they can freely play without feeling guilty, but accordingly, make them schedule time to spend with their significant other or family. Balance and schedule is the key (along with not making the person feel guilty when they do play).


Yall:

A few comments on this one but first some perspective. I'm 40+, have been married for 15 years and have 2 children. I have what I consider to be a pretty solid and loving relationship with my wife and we've done pretty well raising two great children...as a team. I've also been a consistent gamer for all of those 15 years. I love to game...always have...and would spend...if single...spend almost every non-work hour I have online or in game.

I've found that the most important element to my to-date successful marriage (excluding separate sinks in the bathroom...we won't live anywhere without two sinks in the master)...is priorities/sensitivity/balance...hard for me to separate these three as in real life they all seem to commingle. First up would be priorities. I have a very demanding job...generally go from 7 AM to 7 PM. Most of what's left has to go to the family...children first...until they're tucked in...that means dinner together...homework assistance...stories...etc. At our house, this is all finished around 9PM. On weekends, it has to be almost all about the family...that would be sports, scouts, movies, outings (zoo, picnic, museums, etc.). Anything left goes to games.

So what's left for me...basically...enough. On weekdays...after the children are in bed...I get to play for 1 - 2 hours...and my wife is fine with that...because she knows it's my hobby...and because I basically earn the time by fulfilling the husband/father part of my role. The key here...in my very humble opinion...don't get in the habit of letting her go to bed alone. It's OK to do that every once in awhile...she knows about partying for an instance...but doing it every night will come back and bite you in the *ss. Just as the children need theirs...your wife needs hers as well...your undiluted focus on her for at least some part of the day.

On weekends, I get up early...make coffee...and play for an hour before anyone else wakes up. Once the house starts to stir...the computer either goes off or gets passed to one of the children...my son plays and my daughter chats. I'll also play on Friday and Saturday nights after everyone has fallen off but not before my wife and I have had our time together.

Finally, don't forget dates. For the last 6 years, my wife and I have made it a habit to go out...alone...at least once a week...sometimes a movie but usually dinner (can't talk during movies). We've found that it makes a huge difference if dating continues beyond the wedding...seems silly but you can't imagine how many married couples seem to forget this. Busy days means you fall out of touch during the week...you need a night out to catch up (technical term...debrief) and reconnect.

And occasionally...like this last weekend...your wife and children are out of town...which means that you can play 18 hours a day...and come to work on Monday morning with red, tired eyes :clap:

Anyway...my two cents. I love to game but once you're married...or seriously dating...it has to be put in it's proper place. If your job, wife, girlfriend and/or children are not your primary outlet and the recipient(s) of the majority of your time/attention, you are in trouble and should get some help.


Best Regards,


Silverhand


PS: To Toader, DC and the rest of the guys...was good to meet you guys in game this weekend and thanks for all the help. I won't have many weekends like this but will be around. Let me know if I can ever be any help.

[Can0mark]

Its the fact that its a computergame. I think thats what annoys them. If they were addicted to a sportschannel, they wouldnt be happy but a lot less annoyed then they are now. They probably see games the thing 10-20 year olds play with their friends.

[Silverhand]

Its the fact that its a computergame. I think thats what annoys them. If they were addicted to a sportschannel, they wouldnt be happy but a lot less annoyed then they are now. They probably see games the thing 10-20 year olds play with their friends.


Can:

I can promise you that it's not about computer games...it's about time...and where you put it...6 hours of sports channel a day would be just as big a problem as 6 hours of gaming. Just read the post in the original string about the husband "cheating on her with basketball".


Best Regards,


Silverhand

[Lexan]

ok....probably we dont have many females in the guild? So I thought that a few would like to see a female opinion on this.

If gaming is your passion, get a gf/fiancee/wife that will understand that,...or even better, get one that plays! We are out there, waiting to be found...and no, many of us are fairly good looking women with a good sense of humor and a temible intuition for when to cast the next DoT/AoE spell. True, nobody likes being ignored, but these women from the article MUST HAVE KNOWN THIS FROM BEFORE!...Give me a break....are they going to tell me that they had just discovered their hubby's addiction to games??...bah, whiners. That is why the time spent as bf/gf is so important for the future of the relationship, so you can get to know each other.

In my case I have a happy relationship....it took TWO computers and TWO warcraft accounts, but now we can be happy.(Timesharing was not working as well as we originally thought). And yes, since we are both gamers we do count the time we play online together as "together" time.

So, my final opinion is.....I rather have someone cheat on me with a video game than with an actual woman....lol...at least I know where to find him!hehe.

[Silverhand]

ok....probably we dont have many females in the guild? So I thought that a few would like to see a female opinion on this.

If gaming is your passion, get a gf/fiancee/wife that will understand that,...or even better, get one that plays! We are out there, waiting to be found...and no, many of us are fairly good looking women with a good sense of humor and a temible intuition for when to cast the next DoT/AoE spell. True, nobody likes being ignored, but these women from the article MUST HAVE KNOWN THIS FROM BEFORE!...Give me a break....are they going to tell me that they had just discovered their hubby's addiction to games??...bah, whiners. That is why the time spent as bf/gf is so important for the future of the relationship, so you can get to know each other.

In my case I have a happy relationship....it took TWO computers and TWO warcraft accounts, but now we can be happy.(Timesharing was not working as well as we originally thought). And yes, since we are both gamers we do count the time we play online together as "together" time.

So, my final opinion is.....I rather have someone cheat on me with a video game than with an actual woman....lol...at least I know where to find him!hehe.


Lexan:

Enjoyed your post...had one thought I wanted to share...may not be true for all but was true for me. I take it from your post that you're not married...please correct me if I'm mistaken.

My wife and I dated for almost 3 years before we tied the knot. During that time, we worked together as well as played together. Looking back, it constantly AMAZES me...even within the context of an honest and engaged dating relationship...what you don't learn about your partner. I'm not talking about big things...I'm tallking about the little things...both practical and emotional...that you only get a feel for once you've been balancing the checkbook with...changing diapers with...waking up next to a person for awhile. Might be worth your while to keep that in mind ;)


Best Regards,


Silverhand

[XexisChrist]

Well to say most I had (Keyword: Had) this problem when I played DAoC and just being on computers. I enjoy computers really I do I' am actually in college right now studying to become a web desgner and computer hardware/software major. When I was 16 I used to stay awake for 48 hours and then skip GED classes in the process and sleep for 4 hours then hop back on the computer. Because of this my gf left my home with our child and moved in with her sister and felt horrible about leaving there. So she got her own place which is where I' am now. To make a long story short I didn't get payed at all this month. So i'm at her place right now skipping college so that my family can have a home to live in. She got to graduate High School and I didn't. :( But I get to go to college for free and get a diploma for free also it's a Government program. Back after she left and I started isolating just playing an MMORPG (DAoC) I had developed Schizo-Affective/Paranoid Schizophrenia With Manic depression and an advanced psychotic disorder/Panic attacks while I was addicted to marijuana also. I quit Marijuana 3 months ago and now I'm living off the government till I can get a business for myself running or find a good employer that will hire me with the disorder. =/

But we decided that if she gets a computer she wants to play with me. Also if our child wishes to play with one of us we can sacrifice what we have on the game and tend to her. The game can be around for when your not tending to others like family and spouses. My child loves Computers and shes only 2 years old and she plays on my laptop. Now my gf she started playing EQOAF(Everquest Online Adventures: Frontiers) when I owned it. She got into it and wants to play the game I play so our Aunts paying her a computer for graduation, so now we both can play in the same party then if our kid needs to be taken care of we tell the party members we need to stop a minute and we'll be back and if they are friendly like people have been on games I play they will let us go then they'll let us back in.

So please if you read this and your addicted to a game (Real Life: Sports, Virtual: Video Games) please pay attention to them and love them like a human being should and make time for yourself, just like the others stated everyone needs balance in their life so make balance.
Also you have only one life to live so live it wisely.

Peace :D ,
Jessey Morgan a.k.a. Xexis Christ

[Gremlin_XTJ]

I am a gamer, born and raised. Am I addicted to games? I would have to say: HELL YEAH!
But dont hate me because of it.
Its a way of escaping the harsh reality.
And if you ever feel like I am ignoring you dont be hurt or angry.
Just dress up as a night elf and /flirt with me. :lol:

[Valas Azuviir]

Video game widows.. Yeah.. Old news, least to me anyway.
Silverhand hit the head on nearly all the points I wanted to make already, so I need not type as much this time as I usually do. :biggrin:

Side note, did we get new smileys or am I tripping on something??

[det]

Actually I didn't get a chuckle out of that thread, it was pretty scary. Some games can get you so addicted that it puts a great stress on a relation.

However, there is the other side as well. While my wife is pretty tolerant and I try to keep gaming down to 2 hours a day (preferably after 22:00) a friend of mine is what I consider a "wife's dream come true".

Full time job, does the housework, gardening, plays with the kids.. etc etc, but if he just gets close to the PC at whatever time, hs wife is completely annoyed. She pretty much expects him to sit down with her in front of the telly in the evening and watch her idiotic soaps.


Side note, did we get new smileys or am I tripping on something??

Not new, just newly enabled again

[Natalyah]

I believe that video games are about balance. If you play the game and are in a commited relationship, whether you have a girlfriend, boyfriend, husband, or wife, then they should absolutely be made a priority in your life. However, there are some guys who are married or who have girlfriends who rarely get to play or are downright forbidden to play the game. I think it's important to let people do what they wish, within reason of course.

There are a couple of guys in my guild who are married and who play often, and there are those who are not. One of my guildies always jokes about how he occupies his wife with oodles and oodles of books so she can read while he plays. Another jokes about giving his wife lots of outdoor work to do on Sundays so he can play all day. I even have a married couple in my guild, which for them is the best of both worlds.

[Can0mark]

Can:

I can promise you that it's not about computer games...it's about time...and where you put it...6 hours of sports channel a day would be just as big a problem as 6 hours of gaming. Just read the post in the original string about the husband "cheating on her with basketball".


Best Regards,


Silverhand

Ofcourse not all of them, but I have heared a lot of women complain about the fact that computergames arent for people around the age of 30. Ofcourse 6 hours of sportschannel is also pretty bad. But what I wanted to say was that computergames annoys them. They are probably equally pissed about them being addicted to sports/tv/stamps? but a lot of women see computergames as something for kids.

[Dublo]

I'm gunna be a hardcore gamer until I die. If my wife dosent like that, she knows where the door is :happy34:

[mackaybre]

I don't think that If my wife dosent like that, she knows where the door is is a healthy attitude to have. As many others have also pointed out, relationships (among other things) take work, require compromise, They Require Sacrifice. Your life ought to be balanced. Every One of the people I know that are doing perfectly well with their marriage/relationship while playing WoW have what seems to me a balanced life. Too much gaming is quite detrimental, not only to relationships, but to your health, and mental wellbeing. Now, that said, "too much" is completely subjective, and i'm not going to start prescribing a maximum daily dosage. However, it would be a good idea for everyone to take a look at how they spend their time in general, and decide whether you're spending enough time on the things that are important to you.

If gaming sits above relationship maintenance/job/schooling, for instance, on your priorities list, you might have a problem you need to sit down and address. Especially try to think Why you prefer gaming over these other matters. Maybe there's something else going on that you just don't want to deal with, and thus, something that you should be addressing instead of playing games.

Scheduling helps a Lot. It makes sure you know what you want out of everything you do, and that you make time for everything you want to do. Try keeping track of how much time you spend doing any given thing. 8 h at school, 4-8 hours at work, 2h studying, whatever. Look for balance, and limit your time spent on some activities if necessary to acheive balance.

Bottom line, if there's a problem that someone you care about is having, Regardless of whether you think it is a problem or not, They certainly feel it needs to be addressed. And you ought to help to resolve the problem.

[LunarSolaris]

I totally agree with Toader, Silverhand, and XexisChrist are saying about balance. It's the true key to a successful relationship.

Balance applies to everything - whether it be watching TV, sports, Bowling, golfing, or video games... and it's not just a MALE problem either (but it tends to be a male problem more than a female problem).

If a person commits themself to a relationship... and ESPECIALLY if children are involved, then it's their resposibility to put that relationship and the children in the front of their lives. This doesn't mean that video games need to disappear, but it does mean that they need to balance it out so that the wife and children are not neglected. I made that mistake to some extent while I was married playing Diablo 2. It didn't destroy my marriage, but I can say that it certainly hurt it somewhat.

I am very grateful to be in a long-term relationship with a person that understands that I'm a gamer now. She is a very understanding person and plays herslf, so that's great. We both make sure to take time away and call those "unplugged" nights - and they're important. We do things like go see a movie an go out to dinner - or sometimes go to the casino or shopping, etc. The point is that we spend time together on the game, but also together doing other things as well.

As it stands right now, I probably play WoW too much. On the plus side I'm concientious of this and specifically take time out of the game to pursue "real life" things.

This is an important topic I think because even in a larger scale picture, balance is important. If something starts usurping life in general, it's a problem.

[Eiger]

Yall:

A few comments on this one but first some perspective. I'm 40+, have been married for 15 years and have 2 children. I have what I consider to be a pretty solid and loving relationship with my wife and we've done pretty well raising two great children...as a team. I've also been a consistent gamer for all of those 15 years. I love to game...always have...and would spend...if single...spend almost every non-work hour I have online or in game.

I've found that the most important element to my to-date successful marriage (excluding separate sinks in the bathroom...we won't live anywhere without two sinks in the master)...is priorities/sensitivity/balance...hard for me to separate these three as in real life they all seem to commingle. First up would be priorities. I have a very demanding job...generally go from 7 AM to 7 PM. Most of what's left has to go to the family...children first...until they're tucked in...that means dinner together...homework assistance...stories...etc. At our house, this is all finished around 9PM. On weekends, it has to be almost all about the family...that would be sports, scouts, movies, outings (zoo, picnic, museums, etc.). Anything left goes to games.

So what's left for me...basically...enough. On weekdays...after the children are in bed...I get to play for 1 - 2 hours...and my wife is fine with that...because she knows it's my hobby...and because I basically earn the time by fulfilling the husband/father part of my role. The key here...in my very humble opinion...don't get in the habit of letting her go to bed alone. It's OK to do that every once in awhile...she knows about partying for an instance...but doing it every night will come back and bite you in the *ss. Just as the children need theirs...your wife needs hers as well...your undiluted focus on her for at least some part of the day.

On weekends, I get up early...make coffee...and play for an hour before anyone else wakes up. Once the house starts to stir...the computer either goes off or gets passed to one of the children...my son plays and my daughter chats. I'll also play on Friday and Saturday nights after everyone has fallen off but not before my wife and I have had our time together.

Finally, don't forget dates. For the last 6 years, my wife and I have made it a habit to go out...alone...at least once a week...sometimes a movie but usually dinner (can't talk during movies). We've found that it makes a huge difference if dating continues beyond the wedding...seems silly but you can't imagine how many married couples seem to forget this. Busy days means you fall out of touch during the week...you need a night out to catch up (technical term...debrief) and reconnect.

And occasionally...like this last weekend...your wife and children are out of town...which means that you can play 18 hours a day...and come to work on Monday morning with red, tired eyes :clap:

Anyway...my two cents. I love to game but once you're married...or seriously dating...it has to be put in it's proper place. If your job, wife, girlfriend and/or children are not your primary outlet and the recipient(s) of the majority of your time/attention, you are in trouble and should get some help.


Best Regards,


Silverhand


PS: To Toader, DC and the rest of the guys...was good to meet you guys in game this weekend and thanks for all the help. I won't have many weekends like this but will be around. Let me know if I can ever be any help.

You're a very wise man Silverhand. You've got it right. That's what I do - I play on my lunchbreaks and when my wife is at work - working separate schedules gives me plenty of time to play - once chores are done. Once she's home, she's my total focus.

[Sphinx]

Very good words of wisdom - WoW is the most addictive game I've ever played and reading the posts here helps put it into perspective with RL.

I certainly like the once a week dating idea Silverhand. :thumbsup:

I'm quite good in that I get the chores done and dusted before I log in but I find logging off the hardest - must get character back to an inn.

Also leaving players high and dry in an instance is the other pull that prevents me from leaving the game when I should be doing other things. :scratch:

[Jinglehopper]

Took me forever to find this link at work and I'm not even sure if it's relevant.

Worst Case of MMO Addiction I've Ever Heard Of. (http://www.sptimes.com/News/010301/Hillsborough/Father_guilty_in_deat.shtml)

I used to think that addiction to games was a joke but I too have found myself slipping into it's warm embrace. I am devoting more and more time to WOW. I've stopped hanging out with some friends because of it and I've called into work a few times knowing i'd be able to play. (although one time a few months ago I called in on a tuesday and was pissed when I realised it was patch day!)

Anyway, I agree with every sentiment in this thread about balance. I think it's important, not only to keep your wife happy, but to keep yourself from becoming too engaged in a potentially dangerous addiction.

[Celious]

roflllllllllllll!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Lewisham]

If your wife/husband/girlfriend/boyfriend is not the most important thing in your life, and you cannot see that (not necessartily *act* on it), then you are with the wrong person. Addiction to anything makes things hard, but at no point should you lose sight of that. It seems that the OP cut + paste wives mostly were with men that don't deserve them. It was only the guy that turned around (albeit because she stopped cleaning for him) the still loved/needed her.

I play WoW a fair bit, as well as other games. It worries my girlfriend that she has to "share" me, but whenever we talk about it properly, she says that she knows I have to have a hobby and that is what I enjoy, so to carry on. She always comes first in my eyes. Whatever she wants to do wins. Making her happy is my first priorty, and her hapiness makes me happier than slaying Onyxia ever could. When she enjoys her downtime out with her girls or at work and I'm home early; that's when you play. I tried doing it when I was with her, but I felt so guilty I really couldn't handle it anymore.

I'm not saying everyone is like this, addiction to video games is as potent as any other. But if you truly love the person you are with, you can come back whenever you choose, it won't be an effort that you won't want to put in.

Chris

[Pogo]

Video game addiction is quite a serious issue, and shouldnt really be mocked.

I mean...someone of your age and postition Shinnok, its fine...play all you want.

But I personally know of two marriages of people about my age (25) that have already ended because of video game addiction.

I am personally married, and its something I struggle with as well. I dont think I spend as much time as the husbands's of the women who wrote those posts.....but sometimes I think I spend too much considering I am married.

Its something I constantly struggle with, its hard to find a balance.

And please...noone like DC come in here and say: "Just get your GF/Fiance/Wife to play with you...." That rarely works, and is only a solution like 2% of the times, most cases its just a bandaid on the problem....trust me.

Anyways....considering how addicting WoW is...I think I am balancing it out pretty well. Needless to say, I can rarely do any grouping activites that require a ton of time, because most often my gaming experience consists of maybe being online for an hour or two, then hopping off, spending some time, etc, then maybe hopping back on later. Oh well. :lol:


Sometimes though the gals can go a bit overboard with their hysterical rants and complaints about their husbands. Ever since Ive been around MMO games, Ive read forums from ladies like this. The worst way to go about it (ladies if anyones reading this) is to get mad at them and make them stop...they will be miserable and it will affect both of you negatively. The best solution ALWAYS seems to be work out a balanced schedule. Give the game player time where they can freely play without feeling guilty, but accordingly, make them schedule time to spend with their significant other or family. Balance and schedule is the key (along with not making the person feel guilty when they do play).

If you spend all your spare time playing WoW then you are an addict, but if you spend all your time playing chess then you are a master. Those people that have an obsessive personality disorder don't need a video game to do self destructive behaviors, it could be an alcohol or meth vehicle.

For adults, it's more like 60-75% of married people both play the game if its an MMO. I know this because I am married, we have several married couple friends where both spouses play, and my EQ guild was all adults over 22 and almost all of the married couples played together. 2% is misinformation.

I agree with your assessment of balance.

[DrunkCajun]

If you spend all your spare time playing WoW then you are an addict, but if you spend all your time playing chess then you are a master.

How many chessmasters do you know of with a normal family, wife and kids?

At any rate, I agree with a lot of what's already been said. I play a lot, but I do put my fiancee first. I generally make an effort to take care of the things that need to be taken care of before I play, or play a bit and stop to take care of things. While my fiancee does play, she doesn't play nearly as much as I do, so it puts my playing in perspective.

At any rate, when the video game begins to take over to such an extent that you're justifying playing over everything else, you have a problem. It may be addiction, it more likely is a problem with your priorities. Frankly, while some people have addictiver personalities, I think we're far too quick to jump to label something a disease in this day and age. Was memorizing baseball statistics obsessively considered a disease 30 years ago? It can take just as much time and be just as disruptive to a relationship.

At any rate, balance is the key, as is being in tune to the tolerance and patience of your S/O and paying attention to it. Some people are more tolerant than others, and knowing where those limitations are and not crossing them are key. In the end you have to realize that there will always be thousands of players out there with more time on their hands who will be better than you, level faster than you, be richer than you, etc. You can't be competitive at one of these games and still live a normal life.

Resign yourself to appreciating the game, enjoying yourself, and having fun with friends, and realize that life is much more important. WoW will be gone in a few years. You don't want to wake up and realize that your relationships and family went away long before.

[LunarSolaris]

Considering the nature of this game (or any other MMORPG for that matter), this is a topic that would easily deserve a sticky.

One thing I think tends to be different than perhaps D2 was, is that there appear to be less "kiddies" on the game (meaning, those that got to play for free and un-checked as in D2 days). The raised maturity level means that there are more that are capable of engaging in an intelligent conversation about a serious topic (which this one easily is).

My g/f get's back home tonight after 4 days working in Seattle. Tonight is going to be an "unplugged" night so that we can hang out together.

[toader]

Considering the nature of this game (or any other MMORPG for that matter), this is a topic that would easily deserve a sticky.
This topic yes...this thread (including first couple posts) no. :happy34:

[Trixstar]

I managed to see the darkside before entering it...

I noticed I was spending alot of time on WoW and less time with my partner - and I came up with a solution...

I bought her a computer and a copy of WoW and got her hooked, power leveled her up to my Character and now we adventure and quest together :)

[ScytheNoire]

interestingly enough, i was part of the other side, where the woman was addicted to online activities and i was fed up with it. she was addicted to City of Heroes (which i had introduced her to), along with IMing, mostly people from CoH. she neglected to do anything else, and, was missing work, including quiting her job so she could spend more time gaming and IMing.

of course, it ended up ending our relationship, i kicked her to the curb, bought a house, and moved.

so men aren't the only ones that fall into this problem, and i think it's VERY sexist for any one to make a statement that it is a male problem, which these seem to be, saying that men are the problem. woman are just as likely to end up with an online addiction, and, from my experience, i know many more woman with an online addiction when compared to men. men just don't need the social aspect as much as woman, they require it much, much more.

so maybe i should go start a site for men who are fed up with woman with online addictions.

[Lexan]

Lexan:

Enjoyed your post...had one thought I wanted to share...may not be true for all but was true for me. I take it from your post that you're not married...please correct me if I'm mistaken.




ROFL...... 4+year relationship+two children+mortgage+tons of bills...Does that count for something??LOL, I know I can't make generalizations but there are couples like Strych and I somewhere in the US. I do believe that sharing similar hobbies/likes and such can help a relationship greatly. To those of you dating, a fair warning...many females will let you believe that your gaming habits are fine with her, but in many cases she will be badmouthing you to her g/fs. Be very careful....specially during PMS season.

[AmishMafia]

Its all about setting days and time aside for one another. My girlfriend and I spend Mondays and Wednesday nights watching TV. Friday night is date night (usually). Tuesday and Thursday I have free reign, along with anytime she is doing stuff with friends. She comes first, but my spare time, my down time goes towards what relaxes me which is gaming. I have already told her I like to have 1-2 hours of downtime to myself to do my own thing each day, and she feels the same way, so for us its all gravy the way things turn out.

However when she calls me on a Tuesday or Thursday night while I am playing, I am not giving her my full attention and she doesn't like that, so I usually tell her, can I call you once I am done, and that she is fine with.

[Anyee]

Back in the day, I would stay up all night on forums and playing D2 while my then-gf slept in the other room. I promised myself when we broke up that I'd never waste that kind of time again.

Next girlfriend dug the games and liked watching me play. The difference was, I would always prefer her to the games. And if I were on the computer and she desired otherwise, she let me know...and I always followed through. I remember one time when I was whining about the forum awards, she made a comment that pretty much obliterated any desire for anything but her.

So sometimes, I wonder if the game-playing isn't a passive-aggressive way of demonstrating disaffection with the relationship.

[toader]

So sometimes, I wonder if the game-playing isn't a passive-aggressive way of demonstrating disaffection with the relationship.Interesting thought, but without giving detailed reasons, Ill just say I disagree, and call it a coincidence. Its an addiction (or it can be) and like other addictions, it doesnt keep you from loving someone, just keeps you from expressing it properly. (if that makes sense)

p.s. when did you get back Anyee? I thought you got ban-smacked by freeters?

[Vorlin]

Good read, I laughed out loud at all of those women! Now before I get flamed off the board, here's some perspective of me. 29, unix systems administrator for 9 years, very successful and have a very good work ethic. Have been on computers for the past 20 years and have been online for the past 17 years.

Let's be a bit more fair about video games. It's more about an addiction to something rather than the medium is itself, by that I mean computer. I personally play more than 40 hours of video games a week, currently in WOW, Splinter Cell: Chaos Theory (played/beat SC, and SC: Pandora Tomorrow), Darwinia (sequel to Uplink by Introversion), Stronghold 2 (first one was a real learning curve!), Prince of Persia: Warrior Within (first was great). I play mostly strategy and fps/action, but I've played just about every realtime strategy I can find and almost no turn-based.

I spend my money that's saved accordingly on whatever hardware I've decided to buy, whether it's the the then-new ATI X800 Pro (too little difference in stats versus the Platinum and was 200 bucks less) or that extra stick of 512 MB PC3200 DDR memory to top my machine to 1.5gb of ram. I don't ask permission, never have, never will. Gaming will always be with me until the day I die.

Now, I sound like a pretty selfish guy, right? Yes, I do. Now here's redemption. Been exclusively dating my gf for two years now and this year, we're probably getting engaged. Between the two of us, we almost clear 100k a year. Our relationship hasn't suffered one iota due to my gaming. We have different schedules, both time and day-wise, with me working Sunday through Thursday 3pm to midnight and she works Monday through Friday, 8am to 4:30pm. I game my @$$ off from the minute I get home till about 5am, always writing her an email. Fridays, I game a bit after cleaning the whole place, doing laundry, etc (very utilitarian), and then go to her place for that night and most of Saturday. She's never had to worry (well, not many times, hehe) about me giving up time with her for time on the computer. Last non-computer purchase for her was me buying her (impulsively hehe, you know how women look when they see something they want) was a $120.00 pearl bracelet. It's nowhere just about me. And it's not just about her when she wants to channel-surf for three hours. It's about us and what we decide to do. We're getting into a new place, 3br/2ba 1300 sq. footage, and have it all laid out.

Too many women I've known complain that they never get time because of something like sports, tv, etc...but it's also the other way around. Everyone has something they love to do, whether it's productive or not. When I'm not gaming, I read voraciously. When she's not watching tv (which I don't do at all), she's sewing/cross-stitching.

Moderation isn't key in this at all as I don't moderate my week gaming in the slightest. I just know when to put aside one thing to do something else or spend quality time with her. Another good thing was, she wanted to try a CSI: Miami game so I bought it. It's a good game and we have fun working the cases while we wait for CSI2!

People choose to make things work and they can choose how they react to things. One of the quotes from the women in the OP was "and pouts when I say we can't afford it"...wtf is that? No one single person in a relationship should have "control" over an entire thing like finances. So many women (and I hate to sound jaded or hateful) are hypocritical in this aspect because between the honeydew lists (hehe) and financial control and having just about everything they want (family, nice SUV/van, jewelry/etc), where's the even line? With me and my gf, it's all about equality. She wanted a replacement combo TV so I got her a $300 one with vcr and a dvd player...and she said "and I can't say no to your next major purchase" (and laughed). In fact, the last time I tried to stay in bed with her, she was falling asleep pushing me out while mumbling "go raid". What a gal!

As for "cheating"...it was the last gf I had, 3 years running, who played an MMORPG called Pristin Tales, met a guy online, talked to him for 3 months (didn't know), called him repeatedly, he called her repeatedly, and she ended up throwing away a good 3 year relationship for someone she never even met. I think the street goes both ways.

[ScytheNoire]

As for "cheating"...it was the last gf I had, 3 years running, who played an MMORPG called Pristin Tales, met a guy online, talked to him for 3 months (didn't know), called him repeatedly, he called her repeatedly, and she ended up throwing away a good 3 year relationship for someone she never even met. I think the street goes both ways.

AMEN!

woman are not all innocent victims. in fact, most are not innocent or victims, but rather the cause of their own problems. "why is he so abusive?" umm, well, why did you hook up with a drunk crackhead?

my favorite womanism, when women, often divorced, tell their kids how bad their father is. yet, these women choose to be with these men who are supposed jerks. trust me, i have 2/3 sisters who married jerks, who were not the marrying type of men, yet, they then complain about it later. why do women think they can change who or what a man is? drunk crackhead is always going to be a drunk crackhead.

so if you enjoy MMORPG gaming, find a woman who also enjoys it, or, at the very least, can accept you have enjoyment out of things she doesn't understand or enjoy herself. people need to stop thinking they can change people and look for people who have what they need to enjoy life. stop trying to make up commonalities where they don't exist, and stop thinking you can change party-boy into a responsible adult.

[HyperTeXt]

hello everyone just registerd today :) heres my oppinion

Women are all victims ... not always ... well im 16 and my mum is addicted to games it's the opposite way around instead of women been neglected its the guys this time not to mention the kids they need attention ...

my mum doesnt have any time anyone one else in the family as soon as she gets up she is straight on the computer loading up WoW when anyone of us try to talk to her it's like talking to a brick wall nothing gets through, my step dad gets the worse of it she is starting to ignore him ...

she hardly does anything around the house, if it wasnt for me the place would be extreamly dusty the rubbish would never get taken out ... its so annoying

[Naolin]

Women are all victims ... well im 16 and my mum is addicted to games it's the opposite way around instead of women been neglected its the guys this time

my mum doesnt have any time for me or anyone one else in the family when anyone of us try to talk to her it's like talking to a brick wall nothing gets through, my step dad gets the worse of it she is starting to ignore him ..

she hardly does anything around the house, if it wasnt for me the place would be extreamly dusty the rubbish would never get taken out ... its so annoying

It's all about setting priorities. Seems you mom has those wrong and that's bad (like you said)
Games are fun yes, but they shouldn't go before important things like work, school, family and friends.
I know I'm addicted to games in my free time I play games, but that's after I took care of work, school and all other things. I never heard my girlfriend complain and when I ask her she doesn't mind either, I guess I got it right :p

[HyperTeXt]

i agree, currently i attend college and i am on a high level course and sometimes i need to use the internet to find certain information to complete my work for the next day and yep you guessed it

"sorry love i'm playing my game, ill let you on in an hour" heh then the hour turnes into 3 hours then into 10 hours then into an all nighter ....

[Vorlin]

Man, that's pretty bad, hypertext...I hope realization kicks in and she comes off that. I openly say I'm addicted to gaming as a whole, but I can at least say "Yeah, let's go out" or "Hey, what're YOU doing?" hehe...she has her time, I have mine, and then there's our time.

ScytheNoire, you're right. I have no idea why women/girls insist on getting involved with someone who's apparently not going to change and/or may have some really bad habits. The "bad boy" routine is so passe now, hehe.

[SirBazturd]

Just checked back in on this one, looks to be going well. :happy65:

[Pinkbuns]

wow, a very interesting read! not sure why I never posted in these forums before but i already like them better than the official boards (less fluff mind you).

I was a bit scared when I realized just how addicting this game can be. I'm not in a relationship at the 'mo but I know I'm neglecting my friends and family because of WoW. When I go home for the weekends from college I park myself right in front of the computer (thank goodness I don't have this game at school!) and barely say a word to my family. I deal w/ it much better than I used to but I still very much appreciate this thread, reminds you of what you can loose etc. Props to those who can shuffle both relationships and gaming.

[snipaz]

Hahaha, crack up! :surprise: i had one simple solution for my misses moaning at me about WoW........i got her hooked too! :) showed her that she could be a slinky warrior night elf woman thing and she's off, hook line and sinker!!.....level 12 in 2 days .......gunna have to get her her own comp soon coz shes taking up MY game time on HER toon!!.....now that sucks!, i also heard onnce about a woman who got so pissed with her husband being Desert combat all the time she became a moderator on the server he played on and the forums he used!! so watch it ya'll! :wink2:

[SirBazturd]

Never expected this much response. Nice. :bigclap:

[Noriah]

You know what these women need to do? Learn to play the game WITH their husbands. My husband and I play WoW together and have a LOT of fun with it. But then again, I got him into WoW and not the other way around. We also played EQ together before that, and Diablo II before that.

That said, I think that these men also need to balance where their interests don't coincide with their wives' interests. Successful marriage is something that requires investment from both sides. (I've been married nearly 17 years so I think I have a little inside information on that). The marriage has to be a priority, and if video games interfere, then that should be addressed. But don't blame the game. Blame the person playing the game.

Not every woman likes to play video games, although I know a LOT of other women who have balked at it, pooh-poohed video games entirely, then reluctantly started playing and, if anything, became more addicted than their husbands.

My husband also enjoys watching football during pro season, so I learned the rules of the game and started watching with him. Now, every Sunday during the season, we go out for beer and wings to watch the game (the NY Giants -- they suck but we're still fans). I think most women don't like football because, having never played it in school, they don't understand the rules and don't know what is going on. A good spouse at least learns to understand his/her spouse's interests, if not share them entirely, at least get enough of an understanding to hold a decent conversation about it. My husband doesn't really get into genealogy, my other big hobby, but he listens whenever I talk about it and has developed enough knowledge to be able to ask good questions and encourage me.

I had to laugh at the "not 13, not 23, but 33!" line (might not be quoted exactly). I am 38, and my husband is 43. Growing up is only a state of mind.

...Noriah

[Volja]

True, nobody likes being ignored, but these women from the article MUST HAVE KNOWN THIS FROM BEFORE!...Give me a break....are they going to tell me that they had just discovered their hubby's addiction to games

I think its feasible that the husband in question could of been a casual game player before WoW came along. Alot of my friends that i have got into WoW barely used to touch their playstastions.. now their higher level than me. But.. thats not really the issue, just saying, it can happen.

My gf doesn't mind me playing which is great but i think theres something that can be taking from these, i often find myself just wanting to play WoW, im addicted, sometimes i have to just stop myself and watch tv or read. I think about the amount of time i spend on WoW and really, for what? To put into another context, its amazing how frustrated i feel when i can't play for 2 hours, and if my account was ever too be banned i would be furious. Surely this isn't normal behaviour towards a videogame?

Then again, perhaps it is, like how some people become extremely attacked to an inane object, this could seem ilogical but could mean everything to somebody.

Hmm, sorry for the ramble.

[Vorlin]

My game-playing hasn't affected my relationship with my soon-to-be fiance but there have been times when she's wanted to do things game-wise as well. I got that covered by getting her the XBox she wanted and now she's over in the living room trashing cars in Forza Racing and she's already beat the tetris-like game in Mortal Kombat: Deception. On the computers (she has a laptop), we've played CSI: Miami and a few other games where we both can work the same game/level.

And she bought me this (http://www.thinkgeek.com/computing/input/7727/) last week! WOOT! :happy14: :happy65:

[KlorG]

My wife used to get bothered by me playing Desert Combat and such. Well, my friend was all into WoW, so he gave me his trial. I started playing it a little, wife was bothered again until she came in the office and watched me play for a while. Now, fast forward a week or two later, I have lvl 30 mage and she has a lvl 19 mage and a lvl 17 warlock.

Our biggest problem now is we both want to play in the evenings and our days off. Now, I am trying to convince her that I need to build another machine and get another account so we both can play together. :)

[bloodswoon]

Hehe, my gf loves world of warcraft, and regularly kicks me off to have a go. women.....

[Asteroide]

It seems women can get upset by many different hobbies - but hey, is that so strange? Women are most often reared to be a social cohesive, so that's what they do: they 'coheve'
Men, on the other hand, are reared to be excellent (which is easier to be in one thing than in many - remember: men can't do multi-tasking - to keep the stereotypes coming) or at least to think they are.
How do these typical though not universal roles fit? Not perfectly - but with give and take most of us make do.

[sarangani]

I know lots of women who play WoW, I am one - but as a single woman I don't have anyone to answer to. I guess that is dangerous really, as I do have an addictive personality and I find myself spending whole chunks of a weekend playing constantly. I live with my sister and she often moans that she can't talk to me if I am in the middle of a fight.

I know a couple who play, the woman is worse than the guy and it causes big arguments between them - partly they fight over the PC and partly because she has a lot of friends online that she flirts with - she even got online married to someone else in the guild! I fear for their future.

I have to admit, if I was with someone that I really wanted to be with, although I would not stop gaming I would put them first. If they were the right person for you, it shouldn't even be an issue. When I was with my ex husband, I used to spend more time on the computer than doing anything else - it made me happier than being with him. Now, it wasn't the internet that split us up - that was merely my escape mechanism from an already unhappy relationship. There were already deeply underlying problems with the relationship and I was unhappy with it and not facing up to that. So while I was guilty of spending far too much time on the computer, our relationship would have broken down anyway.

Conflict caused by online gaming, in my opinion, is merely a symptom of greater problems within the relationship.

[SirBazturd]

I now have 3 women in my guild. Not sure if they are wives or not :scratch:

[meta6]

yea i can relate..my gf and I had a little talk because i would play wow a lot when she was around and this just wasent working(for both of us) we agreed that I would only play when she is not around or when we are doing seperate things (her watching tv etc, me on the comp = WoW :p) this was getting bad and since this is the woman that I love aswell as the woman that cooks/cleans/../ for me i decided it was not worth fighting over and I'v converted to stricly casual play :P

[Trendkill]

ok....probably we dont have many females in the guild? So I thought that a few would like to see a female opinion on this.

If gaming is your passion, get a gf/fiancee/wife that will understand that,...or even better, get one that plays! We are out there, waiting to be found...and no, many of us are fairly good looking women with a good sense of humor and a temible intuition for when to cast the next DoT/AoE spell. True, nobody likes being ignored, but these women from the article MUST HAVE KNOWN THIS FROM BEFORE!...Give me a break....are they going to tell me that they had just discovered their hubby's addiction to games??...bah, whiners. That is why the time spent as bf/gf is so important for the future of the relationship, so you can get to know each other.

In my case I have a happy relationship....it took TWO computers and TWO warcraft accounts, but now we can be happy.(Timesharing was not working as well as we originally thought). And yes, since we are both gamers we do count the time we play online together as "together" time.

So, my final opinion is.....I rather have someone cheat on me with a video game than with an actual woman....lol...at least I know where to find him!hehe.


ya know that sounds like me and my girlfriend. we are about to buy her a laptop so she can play wow with me at the same time. otherwise she hogs my imac for 3 hours playing. i started off playing it, then she joined in as well.

and its true, there are gamer chics out there guys.. as cad comic says, you just need to get out of your rooms and find them :) and shes a hottie with a great personality.. so it isnt that bad ;)

but i tihnk it all comes down to moderation. if your playing WoW daily for mroe than 3 hours.. you need to cut down. in fact, ive cut down to playing for maybe an hour a day. i work 10:30-6:30, come home, go see my girlfriend to about 10 or 11.. from there, the rest of the night is mine upto 1-2am.. but i try to balance it between practising guitar, studying for a networking qualification and WoW.

When we move in together in december, it will even be easier. ..

i just think its pathetic when someone takes priority of WoW over their wife. at the end of the day, you can log out and save your game. you cant log out of your relationship

[Loganix]

Brilliant Post

My Wife hated it when I would Play FFXI, you couldn't do anything there without a group and being in a group is a lot harder to walk away from than soloing... hence I now Play WOW. I love Soloing, I have too. I have a Wife, A soon to be teen, and a newborn.... I know where my Priorities are, my character may be logged one for 4 to 6 hours a day, but I can guarentee that He is only moving 2 or 3 hours... I will get up and walk away when needed (i.e.) change diapers, feed baby, play with baby, help with home work, assess wifes latest scrap book (this is great, it consumes a lot of her time leaving me alone with baby, and baby loves the colors on the screen), we cook together, clean together, mini teen plays soccer and I assistant coach and she dances, and I have become addicted to Baby's R Us (wish they had toys like that when I was a kid) I also a have a slew of other hobbies (Wood Working shop with everything except Lathe and Radial Arm Saw, garage with out Cherry Picker and air compressor, but everything else to work on vehicles, manual everything except laptop with diagnostics, then there is DnD, Magic, Rifts, Hunting, and of course I do the part time college thing usually 2 classes a semester) Ontop of it all I am Engineer in the military... With all that said, I agree with most of what is said here, but I don't call it balance, I call it time management... I wouldn't call myself Adicted, I am just a collector with Insomnia

[Pietoro]

Me and my husband play WoW... we're one of the lucky few couples, I guess. :p

Actually, all the girls in our guild are married and play WoW with their spouses. So... maybe some of those other gals need to give it a try, they might like it!

[Fel Exodus]

This is not all that weird, but one my friend's girlfriend is a very cool type of girl. And what my friend did is make her play WoW.

What happened after is...

The Girl totally forgot about my friend because she was addicted to WoW more then the guy. LOL. this is not a lie, its damn true.

:bigclap: :bigclap:

What a turn-around

[Muitnep]

Me and my husband play WoW... we're one of the lucky few couples, I guess. :p

Actually, all the girls in our guild are married and play WoW with their spouses. So... maybe some of those other gals need to give it a try, they might like it!

The problem Pietoro, is that most girls see computers/consoles as some sort of evil machine that is bent on crushing their souls....

Personally, I don't understand their natural fear of technology, but non-the-less it seems to be present in most of the girls I've met. Personally, my GF of 4 years hates video games. It's not that she hate's computers (she ownes 2, a desk and a lap) she is just anti-video games. She'll watch me play GTA and laugh at my pc antic's for an hour or so, but offer her the controller and she pushes it away like a poisonious snake. - I don't get it it at all, but I love her so meh.

about 5 month ago WOW entered my life (yes I consider it like that) and it was like wow, this is the bomb. I play the game when I'm not at work (having her 4 hours away helps) but i've noticed recently that when I visit her/she visits me, I am gruding the time we spend, constanting thinking, lvl 41, 42, 43......

Honestly, this can't be healthy.

now, not to freak anyone out (yeah right), but as a reporter for news outlet associated with the AP I would love to do a story about video game addiction... personally I believe it's real and it's something the press (and thus society) has not really addressed or realized.

The generation of those who were born and raised with comps/consoles is just coming of age (not counting apple 2 E's and Atari's srry) and the reprocussions of the digital revolution are just being felt. Could video addiction be one of them?
With the advent of VR either just around the corner of upon us, could be we become a civilization of grown up 14-year-olds disconnected with reality? (please do not flame just this last question)
We (20 somethings) are the first generation that has grown up entirely digital. Blame video games for violence, sex, loose morals if you will (personally I diagree) but what other unknown impacts will the video game revolution have on our society?

(srry to steal this thread, but IT IS a damn interesting jumping off point, wives/signifigant others complaining about video game addiction)

~peace
Muitnep
video game addict
AA for video games?

[Dr3vil]

Take note that none of these women stop to wonder why they married these neglectful, self and monetarily-absorbed sob's in the first place. Hell, many of them are married to military men who, with all due respect, are professionally neglectful.

If you don't like it, change it. People almost never change their behavior without consequences.

[bluemeanie]

are this factual? i mean do women really have these sort of prob? :chinny:

[Starfire]

I think what many women in the 25+ age bracket fail to see is that computer games represent a challenge, which perhaps men are almost predisposed to relish. Ok, so you could argue that doing the dishes is a challenge, but it doesn't take much thought and it's not wrapped-up in a world where you receive recognition from others for your achievements, etc. That's what a large number of 'anti-computer game' women fail to grasp, I think. Computer games are no longer Pac-man, but because the world of cosmetics and hair removal devices doesn't affiliate itself too closely with computer games, they've often never bothered to look much further.

To women, I think sports are less of a problem because they are perceived as being more 'manly'. Even just watching sport is more manly than playing computer games. At least the intention to be physically competitve and brutal is there. All women want a man who provides and their most primal instincts tell them that a man who can provide is big, strong and rugged, even though that probably hasn't been the case since the stoneage. In other words, a man who can crunch skulls, not crunch numbers.

Ok, so an intelligent woman may recognise that a man with intellect or vast wealth is an excllent breadwinner/provider/father/etc, but these 'simple' ladies who whinge that their army-boy husband is addicted to WoW are really complaining for a different reason. They married GI Joe because they were taught that an earthy macho-man (a la the Pepsi adverts) will make all their dreams come true. Someone whose chosen career was to blow other peoples heads off with various forms of weaponary (IRL) was going to make a superb father by modern standards. As if a pair of big strong arms will protect them from anything life may throw at them - disease, the tax man, mortgage repayments. Etc, etc, etc. But when they discover the guy they thought was a meathead actually has some brains and likes a bit of intellectual stimulation, they crap themselves. No longer wanting to be planted in front of the TV to watch mindless soap-operas, they want an interactive challenge. That's what I think these women hate.

I feel they typically associate computer-games with the stereotypical teenage nerd. Some women love this kinda guy, kooky and interesting. These sort of women DO NOT. They wanted to marry the guy that beat the crap outta these kids at break time, when they were at school together. Now they want their money back because they think life has sold them a faulty product - a husband with a brain!

Just my thoughts anyway... I hope they're not perceived as being too harsh.

Starfire :howdy:

[Josiewales]

Guys this is a no brainer - simply get the wife playing as well like I did. when we play together we get to share all the good drops!

[owlx]

I have to say, my wife is pretty understanding when it comes to gaming. AHe knows it's not just about playing a silly game with a bunch of kids. It's something my best friend of almost 15 years share. It helps that we have different work schedules and no kids, atm. I don't go overboard, because I realize it is just a game. I make sure I take care of the things that need to be done, mow the lawn, pick up after myself, fold laundry, etc.

Do yourselves a favor, bust you arse to get done the things you know you should. Tuck you wife/gf in at night and spend some time with her if she gives you that look..............you know the one that says "you're spending to much time with your game." Even if it you don't feel you have, she does, and her perception is her reality. You can't explain it away no matter how hard you try. Just accept the fact that you will have to change your gaming status to casual, if you want to have a healty relationship with your wife/gf.

[Eskodas]

My gaming time is before the wife get's home, while she's watching the soaps, and after she's gone to bed. Everything else is quality time, and I'm unlikely to find a game that beats the missus ;)

[satarina]

k, i've read through most of this thread, and i have to add my opinion... i am 34 years old, married to a wonderful man, and mommy to two great kids. and my husband and i both play WoW. in fact, i hit lvl 60 before he did. i'm a stay at home mom, which has a lot to do with it. :) playing with my hubby rocks - we've been gaming together from the beginning. in fact, we met at a tabletop RPG.

a lot of good points have been made in this thread, with Silverhand leading the way. balance is the thing, look for the happy medium. i know that i have yet to hit any instance above strat, and i resist offers of PuG's to do high end stuff, because i don't want to commit to something then have to drop out because my 2 year old wants lunch or my 7 year old is sick. as i tried to explain to a low lvl char that was bugging me to help them in SM, this is a GAME - my kids are my kids. family is more important, and if you don't agree with that, you don't deserve a family.

as far as addiction to any game goes, i think it's safe to say that if a computer game is causing marital problems, it's not really the game doing it. it's just brought a deeper problem to the surface. if your s/o can't stop playing a game, or get away from the tv, or stop doing whatever it is that eats up their time and causes them to ignore you, then there are bigger issues that you need to confront.

if your s/o truly cares about you and the commitment they've made to you, then talking to them about playing too much should work. my hubby and i have been happily married for 8 years. last week, he came home from work and logged on first thing, which isn't a big deal. but when i needed him to change a diaper while i was working on dinner, he told me he was in Uldaman with a group. i got a little annoyed, but when i asked him to just tell me before grouping like that in case i needed his help with something, he apologized sincerely and it hasn't happened again. he just didn't think before telling them he'd go.

well, that's my input. i know i've rambled a bit, but really, i think gaming gets a bad rep because of a relatively small group of people. you can't blame the game when someone won't stop playing - no one is forcing them to sit there.

[sherrjo]

nice topic and it's strange to read that one guys addiction is another's healthy gaming.

My wife hates me on the PC even when I'm reading e-mails. We dated for a few years and then got married but I didn't have a PC then but I did have a playstation but didn't spend nearly as much time on it.

I do feel guilty and know within as I'm sure most gamers do when I should have stopped but kept on playing (one more quest then i'm quitting, just have to get 20 more items then run to AH etc) the WOW list is endless.

I used to play FPS games and we agreed that I would meet with friends twice a week and play competitive matches. I'll be quitting WOW for this once COD 2 comes out in Europe. I rarely go to bed with the wife because she goes before I get tired. She's a very light sleeper, she does constantly moan that I never go to bed with her but when I do she moans that I'm fidgeting too much or that I'm reading too late etc.... (separate beds would help but she sees that as an end of marriage) I don't agree it would mean i'd be more inclinded to retire to bed at the same time.

Anyway she goes early 11pm and most nights 11-1 I play online. It's not the game but the conversations I crave. I never play single player games and haven't completed a SP game since the playstation many years ago.

My wife is a telly addict although she'll deny that as well. When she wants me off the PC I agree but on condition that we don't watch any TV (she doesn't want to participate in my hobby so why should i be bored with hers). So at least when I do stay away from PC I'm not forced to watch mind numbing (non interactive TV).

I am addicted to gaming and it's a constant battle not to do to much of it or stay up too late 3am get up at 7am (4 hours leaves me drained.)

So I'll probably read this forum topic once WoW is in it's box and COD 2 is here and I can go back to gaming with my FPS buddies twice a week.

I think WoW would be better for us addictive gamers if they could include some things for those that want to jump in and out of the game. (ie it shouldn't take 4 hours to do some instances) and perhaps haveing eposodic instances would be better)

I.E. you can choose where to enter the instance (so if you choose only 1 boss you'd only have the option of fighting that boss) and you could choose 1 to 4 depending on your time available.

Also time limits on BG again 20 40 60 or 80 mins and the winner is most kills.

Just some of the reasons why FPS is more suited to my addiction and my relationship than WoW.

Whenever she get's to lippy i say i'm going to join a football (soccer) team which trains 2 nights per week and plays on Saturdays (+ has a few beers after). This to her is worse than gaming ;)


This post is a bit all over the place but I'm writing my thoughts which are always like that.

I spend large amounts of time with my wife. She'll never like my gaming and i'll never give up my only hobby so we agree to compromise all the time every week. She won't see my side of things and doesn't see that she wastes more time watching TV than I do on the PC. Watching TV not speaking and watching the imaginery life of an actor is in no way as good as playing and interacting with my inaginery character in WoW. I've tried explaining the pros and cons of TV versus PC but she doesn't get it at all lol.

Her agruement is we can watch a documentary then discuss it together which is nice but we could also do the same after an instance run or talk about the people we meet in WoW but she doesn't get it. Perhaps it's for the best she is the Ying to my Yang if she was addicted to WoW who would remind me there is a RL out there or that i've forgotten to feed the dog ;)

[mesonm]

it's not really the game doing it. it's just brought a deeper problem to the surface. if your s/o can't stop playing a game, or get away from the tv, or stop doing whatever it is that eats up their time and causes them to ignore you, then there are bigger issues that you need to confront.

if your s/o truly cares about you and the commitment they've made to you, then talking to them about playing too much should work. my hubby and i have been happily married for 8 years. last week, he came home from work and logged on first thing, which isn't a big deal. but when i needed him to change a diaper while i was working on dinner, he told me he was in Uldaman with a group.

heh...I think it is wonderful that you and your hubby share WOW...

Before my story...I'd like to say that the two statements above appear opposite...You first talk about the game taking up too much time as a thing that should be relatively easy to correct through discussion, then then tell us that your hubby couldn't break away (two min afk?) to change a diaper...heh I can apprecaite that it hasn't happened again...(Thanksfully, my kids aren't in diapers...heh)


I have a lovely wife of 18 years (yes, I'm an old fart) and I play WAYYYYYY too much. But, my wife puts up with my playing...unsure why, but she does...One of my sons plays also...

We also have had the issue of being in an instance when things around the house need tending to...and we talk about those things before and after the instance run...making sure we all know each others plans, etc.

We are working on one or more solutions to me and my son playing too much, including putting aside time to chat and otherwise be together and doing things, taking walks, making sure we are all at the dinner table, etc. My wife picks up movies, and we make sure to watch them together...etc.

And, she is letting me take my son to Blizzcon!!

[Sydeney]

I have tried desperately to get my fella interested in WoW, failing that I tried getting him interested in football, I even suggested booze... nothing doing.

He hates WoW, he hates the time I spend on WoW (we live together).

I introduced him to Amazon.co.uk and finally we're sorted... who needs communication anyway.

Still cant understand why he can't see how I gain so much enjoyment from it :scratch:

[masteramante]

They married GI Joe because they were taught that an earthy macho-man (a la the Pepsi adverts) will make all their dreams come true.

LOFL

I can't really talk about married guys lol -- but this might help the other BFs out there.

i'm 20, and my gf always grumbles about me being absorbed looking at a freakin monitor. during summer the problem was that i had all day with nothing to do except these two possibilities:

level my rogue
level my relationship

and, supposedly (according to my gf), i never managed to give the second one enough time. come on!! i had /played 2 years on my relationship... what else did she want?

jokes apart, i only managed to stop her grumbling/mumbling/screaming/fighting by playing less and spending more time with her. since I used to play guitar when she was not around, and play WoW when she was, I decided to switch them and, surprisingly, that was fine...

my gf prefferred watching me play the guitar than watching me level my char :/ as most have said here before, women associate games with small boys (mine does at least).

so i guess the solution is: if you're doing something else when she's not around, do it when she is. then when she's gone play WoW ;).

Note: for some reason she has recently started following my rogue's life, where he is, what he's doing, and why........... women...

[wifeOfwowPlayer]

HI I am married to a wow player. I highly respect the fact that he loves this game. I wish I had something that I enjoyed this much. Well actuallly I have my children to keep me busy and happy. My husband plays for atleast 7 hours a day after he gets off work on weekdays. He plays between 12 and 14 hours a day on Sat. and SUn. We have been married for 6 years and both are 26 years of age. We have a 6 year old and a 8 month old baby. Needless to say I do everything, and I am always alone and waiting for him. I have been patient and kind, I have been angry and the biggest B*#$!H you could imagine. Nothing works! Hes a great guy. Works hard. Moes the lawn. LOL WHat should I do. I cant take it anymore! If any of you guys have any ideas plese let me know. I want our kids to have a daddy most importantly. I cant convince him to make time for us.

[Brighde]

I didn't even know this thread was here until it popped up to the forum headline. I have been married. Currently however I am a nun. When people fund out that a nun plays an online game (I used to play UO all the time...until I found Wow) they seem surprised. I kept it a secret in the convent until one day Mother Superior came in to the convent office late one night and looked over my shoulder...oops...I thought that was the end of my gaming. It turns out that she was very understanding. I do my duties. I go to work and come home (40 hours a week just like everyone else).

It turns out, however, that before Mother Superior was a nun she and her co-workers were all "Myst" addicts and used to have competitions. Much to my surprise she simply told me that she didn't play the game because she would become addicted...ooops...to late for me...

She has been very understanding. Yes, she went through the whole unplug the computer phase for awhile. Until the day came when other people on line, and in my guild found out I am a nun...and would pull me aside and say, "Sister can I talk to you?" There has been more than on time when I have been the "virtual nun"...someone to turn to with a problem when you can't bring yourself to talk to anyone else about it...or can't find anyone else to talk about it in the middle of the night.

Sign me,

Brighde, virtual dwarf, real nun

:innocent:

[Maxxim]

HI I am married to a wow player. I highly respect the fact that he loves this game. I wish I had something that I enjoyed this much. Well actuallly I have my children to keep me busy and happy. My husband plays for atleast 7 hours a day after he gets off work on weekdays. He plays between 12 and 14 hours a day on Sat. and SUn. We have been married for 6 years and both are 26 years of age. We have a 6 year old and a 8 month old baby. Needless to say I do everything, and I am always alone and waiting for him. I have been patient and kind, I have been angry and the biggest B*#$!H you could imagine. Nothing works! Hes a great guy. Works hard. Moes the lawn. LOL WHat should I do. I cant take it anymore! If any of you guys have any ideas plese let me know. I want our kids to have a daddy most importantly. I cant convince him to make time for us.

I know how you feel. My wife and I had many conversations (or, arguments) before we figured out how I could have fun playing WoW while she and our son still got the attention they deserved. It's hard. But as much as I love playing WoW, they come first and always will.

It's likely he feels the same way, but just doesn't see how he's causing a problem. How long has he been playing?

There's not really any easy suggestion as to how you can go about this. You pretty much have to get him alone, tell him the problem, demand a solution, and don't back off until you have one (or at least a reasonable start to one), no matter how bad the fight gets. There will definitely be a fight.

If he hasn't been playing that long, I bet it won't be THAT hard to get him to cut back in the interest of his family. If he's been playing since the game came out, and he is still playing this much at the expense of his family, then in all honesty you probably have to give him an ultimatum and be prepared to go through with it if the need arises.

[Moonmist]

Couples that play together, stay together.

Why would you invest your life in someone who doesn't share hobbies or interests with you? That's ridiculous. It's not WoW's fault you chose to marry a man who happens to like video games. Buy a copy for yourself and join him, ffs.

Or, go find something to do that interests you as much as games interest him. All these women getting pissed off that their hubbies have a hobby piss me off. Be your own person. Let him be his own person. Share what you can, understand when you can't. It's not that hard...

[wifeOfwowPlayer]

I know how you feel. My wife and I had many conversations (or, arguments) before we figured out how I could have fun playing WoW while she and our son still got the attention they deserved. It's hard. But as much as I love playing WoW, they come first and always will.

It's likely he feels the same way, but just doesn't see how he's causing a problem. How long has he been playing?

There's not really any easy suggestion as to how you can go about this. You pretty much have to get him alone, tell him the problem, demand a solution, and don't back off until you have one (or at least a reasonable start to one), no matter how bad the fight gets. There will definitely be a fight.

If he hasn't been playing that long, I bet it won't be THAT hard to get him to cut back in the interest of his family. If he's been playing since the game came out, and he is still playing this much at the expense of his family, then in all honesty you probably have to give him an ultimatum and be prepared to go through with it if the need arises.
He was playing 2k4 for a couple of years and we had the same problems but he didnt play as much as he does now. He just started about a month ago playing wow. I guess role playing games involve more time. I've learned to compromise but now it seems hes not. Thanks for your advice.

[Maxxim]

Couples that play together, stay together.

Why would you invest your life in someone who doesn't share hobbies or interests with you? That's ridiculous. It's not WoW's fault you chose to marry a man who happens to like video games. Buy a copy for yourself and join him, ffs.

Or, go find something to do that interests you as much as games interest him. All these women getting pissed off that their hubbies have a hobby piss me off. Be your own person. Let him be his own person. Share what you can, understand when you can't. It's not that hard...

Sorry to be rude Moonmist, but that's really an asinine response. So, she should just accept that her husband is pretty much absent for most of their day, and go find something to make her just as absent? Great! Maybe they can afford to keep their kids in daycare for 12 hours a day so they aren't bothered with them either! Then they are all free to do whatever they want without the hindrance of family getting in the way.

Excuses like "let him be his own person" are just weak cop-outs. Playing WoW isn't "being who you are," it's "doing what you like to do." There's a not-so-subtle difference there. Everyone should be who they are. Adults often can't do what they like to do because of their kids, spouses, or other important responsibilities.

If I could, I'd play WoW nonstop some days. But then I'd be skipping work, ignoring my wife and kids, and letting my house go to hell. But hey, I'd be my own person, so it must be okay...

[wifeOfwowPlayer]

Couples that play together, stay together.

Why would you invest your life in someone who doesn't share hobbies or interests with you? That's ridiculous. It's not WoW's fault you chose to marry a man who happens to like video games. Buy a copy for yourself and join him, ffs.

Or, go find something to do that interests you as much as games interest him. All these women getting pissed off that their hubbies have a hobby piss me off. Be your own person. Let him be his own person. Share what you can, understand when you can't. It's not that hard...

Ok that reply pisses me off. We did enjoy the same things when we decided to get married. I am not blaming any game for anything, I am not one of those *****y women who nag nag nag. I try and be understanding. I dont say a damn thing to him. He sits on this game all day and all night. You know its hard when our 6 year old daughter wonders why daddy doesnt want to be with us. My husband has responsibilitys that he is choosing not to be apart of. And yeah I would LOVE to be able to play also, but someone has to a parent and keep a household.

Thanks

[Lewisham]

Couples that play together, stay together.

Why would you invest your life in someone who doesn't share hobbies or interests with you? That's ridiculous. It's not WoW's fault you chose to marry a man who happens to like video games. Buy a copy for yourself and join him, ffs.

Have you ever been in a serious relationship? It really sounds like you haven't, that's a truly immature outlook. Trying to bend people to be like you doesn't work (and shouldn't be necessary), and just because you don't have the same hobbies doesn't make you incompatible.

I'm in love with my girlfriend because of what she is, not what she does. I am so happy that she is nothing like me. She shows me new things, new ideas and new stuff to do. Your assertion that she has to have the same hobbies and interests is a fallacy. You just have to enjoy spending time together. If you have completely different outlooks, then it's going to be very tough. But I would never, ever, expect my girlfriend to love games like I do.

What we're talking about is respect. She respects I like games, I respect she likes other stuff. But you also have to respect each other as people: if I played 7 hours a day, I'd expect to be kicked out of the house. We both have attention needs, and doing something alone for seven hours a day doesn't cut it. I would go absolutely nuts if my girlfriend did that.

These women have a right to be upset. Gaming addiction is non-harmful when you have no dependants. Once you do, then it can be just as terrible as other addictions such as alcoholism.

Chris

[Lewisham]

I try and be understanding. I dont say a damn thing to him. He sits on this game all day and all night. You know its hard when our 6 year old daughter wonders why daddy doesnt want to be with us. My husband has responsibilitys that he is choosing not to be apart of.

This is the kicker right here. I don't think he's choosing. I fully expect he loves you and he loves your daughter. During my addiction, I knew I had responsibilities to myself and other people. At the back of my mind, I always knew what I was doing was wrong, but I couldn't help myself. It wasn't a concious choice I made, I would have liked to have taken care of business (for want of a better phrasing).

There are a lot of different ways people talk about getting people off of things like WoW. Some say gentle encouragement. I really don't think that would have worked in my case, its too easy too deflect that or just get plain nonchalant about it. What would have helped me (it ended up that school stopped me, and a general boredom of the game) was for my girlfriend to seriously go off the end at me. Make it as serious as it is. If she had kicked my ass, I would have been annoyed and resentful, but I would have done what she said because I know if she wants a fight, its for a reason. Try and force a self-imposed two week abstinence from the game. I found that once I had gotton away from it, I found all the things I used to do before WoW again. If you can keep your man occupied for those two weeks, you can help him not want/need to go back.

This is one solution that would have worked for me. I am not saying it will work in any other case at all, its just an idea.

Good luck.

Chris

[pipda]

Every time my girl friend gives my PC the fuzzy eye, I just grab my snowboard and become a virtual ghost for a few days. After a few nights of getting home at 1AM roaring drunk and covered in snow she is happy to have me sitting around the house on the PC. At least she knows where I am and what I am doing. WoW also saves me a ton of money that I would other wise be spending on booze, lift tickets and general parting needs. I use that money to buy her nice stuff.

Also making dinner once a week for her goes a long way. It might be the most vile crap she ever had but at least she gets to relax when she gets home. Also taking her out once a week to dinner or a movie is great. Little things to let her know I appreciate her and still know she is there.

[astalavista]

I have to add my voice to the ones that say playing together helps a lot. My spouse and I met online in a MUSH and have from day one shared a love of gaming. We played MU*s together for many years, though she really prefers card or board games to computer games.

I picked up WoW in March and have played a lot since then and cut back on my MU*ing. That's when the fights began, and she hated WoW with a passion. It was a rough ride with lots of fights, but eventually we made a deal: I would quit smoking (which was something she had begged me to do for a long time), and from the money saved on that, we would get her a WoW account to play with me. That was two months ago, and at night, after dinner, we both play WoW now. She's fallen in love with the game, and I have to say, it's really brought WoW to a new level for me. It's just tons more fun to play with someone sitting next to you, when we can yell and giggle at each other about stuff in-game. :)

[sasja]

Ok that reply pisses me off. We did enjoy the same things when we decided to get married. I am not blaming any game for anything, I am not one of those *****y women who nag nag nag. I try and be understanding. I dont say a damn thing to him. He sits on this game all day and all night. You know its hard when our 6 year old daughter wonders why daddy doesnt want to be with us. My husband has responsibilitys that he is choosing not to be apart of. And yeah I would LOVE to be able to play also, but someone has to a parent and keep a household.

Thanks
Don't get upset about what a 10-year-old writes to you on a message board. I think the main thing to do as someone close to a seriously addicted gamer is to make them realise the problem. It's so hard to see - I mean, people who do drugs, or drink in the morning, but games? Could that really be serious? Of course it can, and my gaming took a serious turn for the better after reading a few stories here (http://p198.ezboard.com/folgafrm4.showMessage?topicID=46.topic). I suggest letting him read some of those himself and have a quiet thinking about how he wants to prioritise his life.

[Zalow]

ok....probably we dont have many females in the guild? So I thought that a few would like to see a female opinion on this.

If gaming is your passion, get a gf/fiancee/wife that will understand that,...or even better, get one that plays! We are out there, waiting to be found...and no, many of us are fairly good looking women with a good sense of humor and a temible intuition for when to cast the next DoT/AoE spell. True, nobody likes being ignored, but these women from the article MUST HAVE KNOWN THIS FROM BEFORE!...Give me a break....are they going to tell me that they had just discovered their hubby's addiction to games??...bah, whiners. That is why the time spent as bf/gf is so important for the future of the relationship, so you can get to know each other.

In my case I have a happy relationship....it took TWO computers and TWO warcraft accounts, but now we can be happy.(Timesharing was not working as well as we originally thought). And yes, since we are both gamers we do count the time we play online together as "together" time.

So, my final opinion is.....I rather have someone cheat on me with a video game than with an actual woman....lol...at least I know where to find him!hehe.

Wanna be my gf? :P

[Cychwyn]

Right.... you didn't really read the posts, did you? Would you do the same thing if you had children? Your gf can choose if she lets you treat her that way, but bairns cannot. They're your responsibility. That is the problem, wifeOfwowPlayer, for instance, is raising their daughter on her own, and has to deal with a partner that spends no time with either of them as well. That's tough. That gives her the right to post without being told she should join him in ignoring their offspring or be pleased she has a husband who is there in body (but no bloody use) by someone who hasn't bothered reading the whole thread, let alone thinking the problem through.

Every time my girl friend gives my PC the fuzzy eye, I just grab my snowboard and become a virtual ghost for a few days. After a few nights of getting home at 1AM roaring drunk and covered in snow she is happy to have me sitting around the house on the PC. At least she knows where I am and what I am doing. WoW also saves me a ton of money that I would other wise be spending on booze, lift tickets and general parting needs. I use that money to buy her nice stuff.

Also making dinner once a week for her goes a long way. It might be the most vile crap she ever had but at least she gets to relax when she gets home. Also taking her out once a week to dinner or a movie is great. Little things to let her know I appreciate her and still know she is there.

[zkajan]

Brighde, virtual dwarf, real nun

:innocent:
dwarf.. priest?

[Moonmist]

You guys are funny.

1) I am married and have been with my husband for over six years.

2) Wifeofawowplayer, I wasn't necessarily speaking to your situation, but the thread's general topic. Perhaps in your case some communication or couples' therapy would be helpful. You said,
I dont say a damn thing to him. but maybe you should. Again, I wasn't even really talking to or about you and your gripe directly. I certainly meant no personal attack.

3) What is so hard to understand about my position here? Have mutual hobbies or have separate hobbies. If there is an imbalance in a relationship and the woman is the one who perceives the imbalance, then it is the onus of the woman to take charge of that situation.

I'm with Lexan: I'd rather my husband cheat on me with a video game. If, that is, I can't bring myself to join in his enjoyment...

Maybe I came into this thread too late to notice the hackles up and the ammo ready to fly, but as a women who games with a husband who games, I find this entire concept ridiculous. It's not right to try to "change" your significant other unless he/she is doing something dangerous or unhealthy.

And because I'm sure someone will assume I'm doing this even when I wasn't, I'll go ahead and address Wifeofawowplayer directly: Perhaps your situation qualifies as dangerous or unhealthy. Kids need fathers and wives need husbands. Maybe some communication on your part would do wonders, maybe going a step further and heading for counseling is necessary. I don't know, I'm not in your house, and I'm not a psychologist. Best of luck, though.

My point is that I find it ridiculous that women get into relationships with men who have passions or hobbies the women do not share and think that eventually he'll "grow out of" them, then complain when they don't.

I also have to wonder what would prompt people to assume that because my opinion differs from theirs, I'm clearly a "10 year old" who has "never been in a serious relationship" before. The first response in this thread was "Women..." and no one jumped on that, but I come in and say women IN GENERAL need to put up or shut up, and I'm instantly flamed. That's actually pretty disgusting. The women in the original article might well be dealing with a husband/SO with an honest addiction, but chances are, they knew what they were getting into and are now whining because they couldn't change their men, or thought erroneously that the arrival of a baby would miraculously delete the man's love of his hobbies. This victim mindset that those women display is sickening, and in saying so I am called prepubescent and lacking an understanding of committment. Sickening.

(edit for spelling and last line)

[Lewisham]

You guys are funny.

1) I am married and have been with my husband for over six years.


I am happy for you.


3) What is so hard to understand about my position here? Have mutual hobbies or have separate hobbies.


Except that wasn't what you said. You said "Buy a copy for yourself and join him, ffs." I don't enjoy shopping for clothes, why should my girlfriend force me to come with her? She doesn't. Just like I have absolutely no claim to make her play games with me.

It's not right to try to "change" your significant other unless he/she is doing something dangerous or unhealthy.

Your definition of unhealthy might well be different to a lot of peoples. If I had a kid, and I spent 2 hours+ a day playing a game which usually demands complete solitude, then yes, I would call that unhealthy. Most of the stories here have that as a base *minimum* addiction.


My point is that I find it ridiculous that women get into relationships with men who have passions or hobbies the women do not share and think that eventually he'll "grow out of" them, then complain when they don't.


Again, this isn't the woman's fault. Plenty of relationships are built around being compatible personalities, that doesn't necessarily include hobbies. I know for my girlfriend and I that isn't true, and, as I have mentioned previously, that makes me love her *more*. I also don't think anyone expected these guys to grow out of games. It used to be just a way of passing time or having fun with mates. 99% of games still are. Warcraft has been out for about a year now. How many of those relationships began before that? I would expect all of them. I do not know of any game, bar Evercrack, that has managed to eke out such concentration and time from the player. There certainly has never been a game as popular as WoW which does this. I'm an avid gamer, and I always have been. WoW is orders of magnitude more absorbing. This was not a foreseeable problem.

I also have to wonder what would prompt people to assume that because my opinion differs from theirs, I'm clearly a "10 year old" who has "never been in a serious relationship" before.

Because your comment smacked of immaturity, or, at the very least, one that implied that the partners left out of this downward spiral should become submissive and just jump right in themselves.

The first response in this thread was "Women..." and no one jumped on that, but I come in and say women IN GENERAL need to put up or shut up, and I'm instantly flamed.

I didn't have time to flame that comment before the thread hit pages, but I would have done.

The women in the original article might well be dealing with a husband/SO with an honest addiction, but chances are, they knew what they were getting into and are now whining because they couldn't change their men, or thought erroneously that the arrival of a baby would miraculously delete the man's love of his hobbies.


This is a gross generalisation, and, as I've said, I believe in the most part it is untrue that they wanted to change their men. You also don't seem to take into account that these women have been driven so far to the edge that they have actually gone on the Internet looking for help on one specific issue. I don't see that happening a lot. I am happy that you have such a strong personality that you will never let yourself become a victim, but it seems your solution proposed continuing being exactly that, and doesn't achieve anything but making it worse. Giving up and validating the actions of the guys that are losing their lives in the game is not a very good way forward.

I am called prepubescent and lacking an understanding of committment. Sickening.

Welcome to the Internet :)

Chris

[Moonmist]

Welcome to the Internet :)

Chris

Been here in one form or another for well over a decade now, but thanks.

Except that wasn't what you said. You said "Buy a copy for yourself and join him, ffs." I don't enjoy shopping for clothes, why should my girlfriend force me to come with her? She doesn't. Just like I have absolutely no claim to make her play games with me.
and then went on to say,
Or, go find something to do that interests you as much as games interest him. All these women getting pissed off that their hubbies have a hobby piss me off. Be your own person. Let him be his own person. Share what you can, understand when you can't. It's not that hard...


Again, this isn't the woman's fault.
This isn't necessarily the woman's fault. But again, if you go knowingly into a relationship where you have issues and expect those issues to magically go away, then you have no right to complain later when those issues are still present. Self-delusion is not an excuse.

Because your comment smacked of immaturity, or, at the very least, one that implied that the partners left out of this downward spiral should become submissive and just jump right in themselves.
Actually, I encourage women to do things for themselves.
Or, go find something to do that interests you as much as games interest him. All these women getting pissed off that their hubbies have a hobby piss me off. Be your own person. Let him be his own person. Share what you can, understand when you can't. It's not that hard...
Additionally, as my first post hit nerves I didn't intend to hit, I clarified
If there is an imbalance in a relationship and the woman is the one who perceives the imbalance, then it is the onus of the woman to take charge of that situation.

Not, "roll over and take it," but "TAKE CHARGE." Whether that's by setting boundaries or simply communicating or pulling a Lysystrata would be up to the woman being affected.

Complaining to faceless strangers on the internet that your SO spends too much time playing a game is exactly as helpful if dealing with an ACTUAL addiction as it would be to complain to faceless strangers that your SO spends too much time drinking. That is to say, not at all. If you're dealing with an actual addiction to a game, by all means, take action to help your SO out - it's the least you can do for someone you love.

If you're just miffed because he would rather play WoW than watch soap operas with you, then I have little sympathy for you. Likewise if you knew when the relationship started that his time was going to be divided between RL (including you) and a game (inluding WoW), then I can't bring myself to feel bad.

Final disclaimer: Again, though this may seem "immature" to some of you, I find it to be appropriate to call people to be responsible for themselves instead of play the victim. This DOES NOT include those who are dealing with AN ACTUAL case of ADDICTION. But just because someone plays a lot of WoW does not inherently qualify as an addiction.

[Moonmist]

And Chris, I appreciate your civil disagreement. :happy65:

[Lewisham]

And Chris, I appreciate your civil disagreement. :happy65:

I find debate interesting :happy34:

I think we agree essentially, but were just expressing ourselves differently (I wasted an hour today trying to talk to someone I'm working with and we had the exact same problem. Eventually realised we had the same answer).

I agree that taking charge is the best way. I think you're right in saying a lot of the women are looking for just a vent, but a fair proportion are looking for solutions to REAL addiction. As I said wayyyyyyy back, the men that just choose to ignore their significant other's feelings don't deserve the women they have. I think I probably said something along the lines of that my girlfriend comes first. And that doesn't, and hopefully will never, change.

It's just a terrible shame when there are other dependants as well :/

Chris

[Moonmist]

I agree that taking charge is the best way. I think you're right in saying a lot of the women are looking for just a vent, but a fair proportion are looking for solutions to REAL addiction. As I said wayyyyyyy back, the men that just choose to ignore their significant other's feelings don't deserve the women they have. I think I probably said something along the lines of that my girlfriend comes first. And that doesn't, and hopefully will never, change.

It's just a terrible shame when there are other dependants as well :/

Chris

And this, I completely agree with. I think we may well be aiming at the same point, though taking different paths to get there.

The healthiest of relationships are built on mutual respect, communication, and appreciation of each other. Sadly, not all relationships are healthy. I agree that it is NOT the woman's fault if their SO chooses to shirk his responsibilities to her, or any dependents they might have.

:) :worship:

[theseus]

Anyone else find it ironic that people are posting on a forum about their partners playing to much?

[Ashoran]

I find this quite hilarious. (http://www.worldofwar.net/journals/index.php?id=1378)

[Cychwyn]

It's more constructive than asking people in the same situation, surely? Here we can present the other side of the coin i.e. WoW as a healthy hobby, rather than a dangerous addiction. If people here agree that there is something wrong, then you can be fairly sure there is a problem to fix, rather than an "all in your mind" scenario - deal with it.

Anyone else find it ironic that people are posting on a forum about their partners playing to much?

[brandondash]

Except that wasn't what you said. You said "Buy a copy for yourself and join him, ffs." I don't enjoy shopping for clothes, why should my girlfriend force me to come with her? She doesn't. Just like I have absolutely no claim to make her play games with me.
I don't know if he would appreciate me speaking for him, but it seems like his point was that a significant other has the right to lay claim to spending more time together or doing what they want to do, not both.

Hypothetically: If my SO wants to spend more time with me, they certainly can by doing what I like doing along side me. If my SO wants to do something other than what I am doing, go right ahead! But don't expect that I will do it as well if I'm simply not interested. The thought that we should spend more time together and do something I don't like doesn't seem very fair.

That was how I read his post.

brandon-

[ZaxGreia]

My wife scans those kinds of boards - the kind with wives who complain about their husbands. It's not always video/computer games. Sometimes it's just that they don't want to do the same things, or don't care about one of their wife's hobbies or something, and they get on and complain. We laugh together at most of them, since we don't share all the same hobbies either, but we don't fight about the differences.

Oh, and we play together :)

By the way, I remember this topic pretty well - there was a rash of this sort of thing around the time this was originally posted. I'm more concerned about the people dying from it lately... Maybe it IS getting too carried away.

[Nymphe]

I wish I had the time to read through this but once you're in a relationship, the game really does need to take a back burner if you want the relationship to thrive.

Not forgotten, but back burnered.


Now, if you're lucky and get a girl like me or a few others I know...we're just as much of a gaming addict and understand that strange twitchy need to log in and kill a few things. Then gaming time could probably be used as bonding time occassionally.

But, at the end of the day, they are still video games and there are living breathing people and creatures that depend on you. I know that in order to keep my twitchy gaming needs under control, I have one thing I absolutely must do which is make sure my puppy is completely taken care of for the night before logging into D2 or trying to fix the problem preventing me from WoWing. She's my only real responsibility right now.


Women who totally spazz out and just nag about it are as equally immature as they see their husbands. I like the resolution tactic used by the one woman who responded... "Fine, you want to game like you're a single man, then you are. I'm not your maid." Granted, a drastic measure, but it got his attention and opened up that line of communication that the video game was taking up.

I will never ever demand a man give up his video games, but I know if I feel our relationship is hurting due to gaming on either side, I know I'll be requesting a line be drawn. Relationship time should never be less than gaming time.

[Metatron]

My girl introduced to me to online gaming. Never done it before. Use to play playstation but I got bored of that and went back to my books and my motorbikes. (Now it's the off season and time to add on all the extra go faster goodies but I'm struggling to find the time....)

And we are really stuck in the middle of a big arguemnt just now. We both know we play too much and it is hard now when we share an account. (The laptop is ordered, the 2nd account is coming and the wireless connection is ready... maybe this isn't exactly the right step....) But the biggest problem stated is neglect and you guys with your post here have put into perspective.

I'm going crazy cause I've always lived in scarily clean flat. Not a speck of dust to be seen and everything always in its place. Since the introduction of wow the dishes are piling up, clothes litter the floor, empty packages cover the sideboards.....

And she's going crazy cause I don't give her the time she needs and the sexlife has become non existant cause either I'm online or shes online. We always go to bed together though. That is a rule I can't break. If she's tired I'm straight to bed with my arms around here.

So the whole thing came to a head today and we argued and shouted and then came to the conclusion we gotta do something. Organise the chores beween us and make sure there is time for us. And like silver hand (did I get that right) the idea of having a date once a week is brilliant. Just time to be together alone.

I have never before encountered anything as addictive as online gaming. Even class a's weren't this addictive and I killed that habit. (Without state help, on my own, at no expense to the tax payer. And I managed to hold down a job for that year too). Gaming is fun but it's a distraction and it can distract from some of the more important elements of your life. It can cause you to neglect and push aside things in your life that are far more important and, as with drugs, you blink, open your eyes one day, and suddenly realsie that everything you ever held dear had left you because you weren't there for them when they needed you to be there for them. I don't wanna blink and wake up in 40 years time to find that it's all gone....

But at the end of the day it is all about choice. You can make the choice to play. You can make the choice to switch of the computer. Just amek sure you are making the right choice for the right reasons.

[Lewisham]

But at the end of the day it is all about choice. You can make the choice to play. You can make the choice to switch of the computer. Just amek sure you are making the right choice for the right reasons.

Amen.

I think you pretty much just concluded the whole topic right there :happy65:

Chris

[Moonmist]

Agreed. :happy65:

[Pub-O]

Like with everything in life, no matter if its games, drugs, alcohol, food or what not, you have to use it with logic and reason.

I don't really think hardcore gamers who play 15 hours a day are having as much fun as the guy who plays 1 hour. More is less, as they say.


Then again - WoW is not really casual anymore it seems. It's getting hardcore, demanding and repetitive. The small minority who wants uber hardcore content that takes 7+ hours to complete and grind pvp gets their chance.

It's going to be a challange for blizzard to make sure the casual gamers can long in and play in small bursts of fun.

I think this expansion will ruin that experience though. all the instances, raids and battlegrounds and lvl grinding is all probably going to be incredible time consuming and demanding. Unfortunate..

Personally im not ready to give up life for a game.

[Brighde]

dwarf.. priest?

Well...close...Dwarf Paladin

[Euro-Crash]

Here is the solution:

-get an excellent job (preferably in IT) that pays well and has great benefits
-buy a sports car (my preference is for a Subaru WRX)
-rent a sizeable apartment even though you do not need it (1000 sq. ft. ought to do nicely)
-remain single...it may get lonely at times...but utlimately you won't regret it
-play WoW as much as you want, but do not let it interfere with work
-drink as much as you want, but do not let it interfere with work
-find women who are younger than you and who are impressed by your car and your large apartment, date them...but not seriously
-never, ever believe a woman who says she is on birth control
-ALWAYS pay your bills on time...never spend more than you have to on a woman, you are here to take care of YOU
-avoid women with children like the plague...they are looking for a meal-ticket
-do NOT drink and drive...that is plain stupid
-look at porn as much as you want to...you won't hurt anyone's feelings
-NEVER, EVER let a woman move in with you
-ALWAYS keep your house and car clean...and ALWAYS excel at work
-pay more attention to taking care of yourself than taking care of her (she needs to learn to be self-sufficient)
-never date a woman who is making minimum wage
-always drink top-shelf liquor
-if you get tired of any woman...tell them to leave

:D :D :D

[ZaxGreia]

Here is the solution:

-get an excellent job (preferably in IT) that pays well and has great benefits
-buy a sports car (my preference is for a Subaru WRX)
-rent a sizeable apartment even though you do not need it (1000 sq. ft. ought to do nicely)
-remain single...it may get lonely at times...but utlimately you won't regret it
-play WoW as much as you want, but do not let it interfere with work
-drink as much as you want, but do not let it interfere with work
-find women who are younger than you and who are impressed by your car and your large apartment, date them...but not seriously
-never, ever believe a woman who says she is on birth control
-ALWAYS pay your bills on time...never spend more than you have to on a woman, you are here to take care of YOU
-avoid women with children like the plague...they are looking for a meal-ticket
-do NOT drink and drive...that is plain stupid
-look at porn as much as you want to...you won't hurt anyone's feelings
-NEVER, EVER let a woman move in with you
-ALWAYS keep your house and car clean...and ALWAYS excel at work
-pay more attention to taking care of yourself than taking care of her (she needs to learn to be self-sufficient)
-never date a woman who is making minimum wage
-always drink top-shelf liquor
-if you get tired of any woman...tell them to leave

:D :D :D
Or, the fulfilling way:

Get married to someone who shares or tolerates your hobbies.

It's not that hard, and it makes lots of other things in life lots easier.

[Euro-Crash]

Or, the fulfilling way:
Get married to someone who shares or tolerates your hobbies.
It's not that hard, and it makes lots of other things in life lots easier.

My life is quite fulfilling...and I am not married. My younger siblings are married and they have kids. I do not think their lives are any more or less fulfilling than my own. That is what they want...thus they are fulfilled.

I do not wish to be married...thus I am fulfilled. I do not think that being married would change my level of fulfillment with my life.

If you look at the list I made...some items are there for comic relief and are taken from my perspective as an educated, motivated and fulfilled bachelor. However, if you look at some of the other items (those that are not as cynical) you will find them to be good advice...advice that can and will lead to fulfillment in one's life.

[Four Fathers]

women.....

Nope, they are actually right. And Toader and Silvehand (/bow) speak the truth computer addiction is a serious issue. My wife is an angel and a patient one, and I am a dick because I play way too much. WoW is an evil creation, and a horribly addictive game. You just have to watch yourself before it is out of control or else it will consume your life.

She does not have to seduce me though I can't resist my self lol

http://img206.imageshack.us/my.php?image=untitled2hb.png

I seriously cannot picture my life without her :happy14:

On top of that on my 30th birthday (which was yesterday btw) my wife bought me new computer with 19 inch flat screen. I was so shocked and I still am. I mean she really hates me playing, yet she called my friend (computer ferak) and they were researching available computer parts for 2 days to assamble a powerful machine.
We are a great couple, best friends and soul mates, but after my birthday I am speachless.

[Four Fathers]

Here is the solution:

-get an excellent job (preferably in IT) that pays well and has great benefits
-buy a sports car (my preference is for a Subaru WRX)
-rent a sizeable apartment even though you do not need it (1000 sq. ft. ought to do nicely)
-remain single...it may get lonely at times...but utlimately you won't regret it
-play WoW as much as you want, but do not let it interfere with work
-drink as much as you want, but do not let it interfere with work
-find women who are younger than you and who are impressed by your car and your large apartment, date them...but not seriously
-never, ever believe a woman who says she is on birth control
-ALWAYS pay your bills on time...never spend more than you have to on a woman, you are here to take care of YOU
-avoid women with children like the plague...they are looking for a meal-ticket
-do NOT drink and drive...that is plain stupid
-look at porn as much as you want to...you won't hurt anyone's feelings
-NEVER, EVER let a woman move in with you
-ALWAYS keep your house and car clean...and ALWAYS excel at work
-pay more attention to taking care of yourself than taking care of her (she needs to learn to be self-sufficient)
-never date a woman who is making minimum wage
-always drink top-shelf liquor
-if you get tired of any woman...tell them to leave

:D :D :D

I feel sorry for your empty life mate.

[Four Fathers]

ok....probably we dont have many females in the guild? So I thought that a few would like to see a female opinion on this.

If gaming is your passion, get a gf/fiancee/wife that will understand that,...or even better, get one that plays! We are out there, waiting to be found...and no, many of us are fairly good looking women with a good sense of humor and a temible intuition for when to cast the next DoT/AoE spell. True, nobody likes being ignored, but these women from the article MUST HAVE KNOWN THIS FROM BEFORE!...Give me a break....are they going to tell me that they had just discovered their hubby's addiction to games??...bah, whiners. That is why the time spent as bf/gf is so important for the future of the relationship, so you can get to know each other.

In my case I have a happy relationship....it took TWO computers and TWO warcraft accounts, but now we can be happy.(Timesharing was not working as well as we originally thought). And yes, since we are both gamers we do count the time we play online together as "together" time.

So, my final opinion is.....I rather have someone cheat on me with a video game than with an actual woman....lol...at least I know where to find him!hehe.

It is a poor solution in my humble opinion. If you will look for life partner through a video game it won't happen. Sharing a hobby is great, but many much more important things matter in order to create a successful relationship. Sharing a hobby does not make you soul mates.

[brandondash]

I don't really think hardcore gamers who play 15 hours a day are having as much fun as the guy who plays 1 hour. More is less, as they say.
I have to disagree whole-heartedly there. The best times of my life were in college when I could game for 14 hours at a time with impunity. Comparing that to work/commute/lawn/house that I have now? There is no contest. My 14 hour gaming sessions were much much much more fun than my current 1 hour gaming sessions.

brandon-

[rutty]

I feel sorry for your empty life mate.

Seems pretty good to me :happy34:

Men do not need women, and vice versa. I've been married, and it was lovely (pre-WoW). It didn't work out and now I'm single and dating and being more selfish about what I want to do rather than just capitulate into giving up everything because I was attached (no kids).

It's all about balance. Having kids is a whole other stratosphere of responsibility that I just don't want or need. If you have them, then you've got to look after them and not be playing any game for 15 hours a day.

I can live without all that crap and not have an empty life.

[Euro-Crash]

I feel sorry for your empty life mate.

I don't think this is necessary at all my friend. Look at some of the statements and realize that a lot of them are made in jest. Look at others and you will find that they are actually VERY SMART.

All I am trying to say is:

"If you need someone else in your life to feel complete...then you have something psycologically wrong with you"

People need to feel complete by themselves BEFORE entering a life-long committment such as marriage. Why do you think so many marriages end in divorce? Marriages end in divorce because people are looking for something to complete them....

My life empty? Actually that is far from the truth...the only thing lacking is a WOMAN. I do not NEED a woman...it would be nice if there was one...but I do not base my happiness on the presence of another human being in my life. That sort of thing ultimately leads to co-dependency and eventually the emptiness that you speak of.

BTW, "mate"...I am drawing this off life experience. I will tell you from first hand experience and a great deal of heart-ache, suffering and depression...that if you feel you need a ANOTHER to be happy you will not be. :D

If you had said this to me in person...well...I might not be as civil. Thank god this is a forum of civilized people.

[Four Fathers]

I don't think this is necessary at all my friend. Look at some of the statements and realize that a lot of them are made in jest. Look at others and you will find that they are actually VERY SMART.

All I am trying to say is:

"If you need someone else in your life to feel complete...then you have something psycologically wrong with you"

People need to feel complete by themselves BEFORE entering a life-long committment such as marriage. Why do you think so many marriages end in divorce? Marriages end in divorce because people are looking for something to complete them....

My life empty? Actually that is far from the truth...the only thing lacking is a WOMAN. I do not NEED a woman...it would be nice if there was one...but I do not base my happiness on the presence of another human being in my life. That sort of thing ultimately leads to co-dependency and eventually the emptiness that you speak of.

BTW, "mate"...I am drawing this off life experience. I will tell you from first hand experience and a great deal of heart-ache, suffering and depression...that if you feel you need a ANOTHER to be happy you will not be. :D

If you had said this to me in person...well...I might not be as civil. Thank god this is a forum of civilized people.

People are social creatures and if you enjoy your life alone it means there is something wrong with you or you haven't find the right person.

"Life experience"? Well I am sorry for your bad experience however try to remember that each of us is an individual. Now if you happened to come accross a certain national that really did you wrong it does not mean that entire population of that country is evil. Same rule applies to woman and man. All my past relationships sucked - true, but I just kept looking and got lucky. I wish you the same.

Pepole afraid of commitment are weak and selfish, something to think about. I agree that luck here is also an important factor.

In person I would say to you the very same thing, but hopefuly it would change to a constructive discussion.

good luck to you :happy14:

[Euro-Crash]

People are social creatures and if you enjoy your life alone it means there is something wrong with you or you haven't find the right person.

So...because I choose to be single, and lead a productive life on my own I am a sociopath? I disagree.


"Life experience"? Well I am sorry for your bad experience however try to remember that each of us is an individual. Now if you happened to come accross a certain national that really did you wrong it does not mean that entire population of that country is evil. Same rule applies to woman and man. All my past relationships sucked - true, but I just kept looking and got lucky. I wish you the same.

All my life experience has taught me to not be overly trusting of others. I do not think this is sociopathic behavior. This is behavior meant to protect one's self.


Pepole afraid of commitment are weak and selfish, something to think about. I agree that luck here is also an important factor.

I am not afraid of committment. I am committed to my work...and have found little else WORTHY of committing to.


In person I would say to you the very same thing, but hopefuly it would change to a constructive discussion.

Good to know...I have tremendous respect for people who stick to their opinions. It is worrisome when people waver and ride the fence to avoid confrontation.

[det]

Well answered. And a nice list you put up there earlier - some of that is obviously cynical and bound to provoke a a reaction. I wonder where all this zeal comes from that people want to convince you that you are doing things wrong.

I have singles, married couples with and without kids and divorced ppl among my friends and relatives and it seems often to be a clear case of "The gras is greener..." The single ones are desperate for a partner, the ones without kids are despearte to get some. The couples with kids wish they would have made another decision sometimes. The married ones indeed fight over the time spend with WoW.

So: If your plan works out for you and you are happy with it....that is just great :thumbsup:

[BlueLyoness]

Wow. I can't believe I read through all 12 pages of this thread!! I actually came across this board because a new member on my own board told me she joined up because of this board (I guess someone recommended it to her...I'm not sure, I have yet to find that post).

As I was reading I kept open Notepad so that I could comment on specific things being said without forgetting..... it's pretty long but here goes.

In regards to Vorlin's post about how it's not about moderation because he manages to maintain his relationship with his gf and still play sooo many hours/day: things are way different when you are LIVING with a person. It's fine now that you pay attention to your gf when you see her on Sat's or what have you. What about when you are married and she's at your house every day.

Then you can't just go home and get on the game asap if she's home. She's going to expect a bit of 'her' time -- THAT's where the trouble starts. You'll see, you'll either end up moderating your gaming or you will have rough seas in your relationship. It really IS all about moderation.


Noriah wrote: "You know what these women need to do? Learn to play the game WITH their husbands."

I actually DID start playing with my husband....you know what happened? I got uber addicted, stopped cleaning, cooking and paying bills. By the time I 'woke up' we were sent several notices (from various utility co's) and while I do understand my hubby better, I'm glad I quit WoW and only play occasionally now.


Someone wrote:"Take note that none of these women stop to wonder why they married these neglectful, self and monetarily-absorbed sob's in the first place."

My husband was never neglectful or self absorbed before WoW. Don't you think it's possible that a game can change a person??


Woah Starfire! "I think what many women in the 25+ age bracket fail to see is that computer games represent a challenge, which perhaps men are almost predisposed to relish."

I guess I'm not in that 'many women' group because in about 4 months I will have my Bachelor's degree in Computer Science and have played computer games since Pong. And even with all my compy love and knowledge I was STILL made a WoW widow and I complained about it a LOT. Addiction is addiction. It wasn't until my hubby moderated his gametime that my anger with WoW faded. So no it's not all the 'simple' wives who have this problem. Some of us 'g33ky' wives also get neglected.


Moonmist wrote:"My point is that I find it ridiculous that women get into relationships with men who have passions or hobbies the women do not share and think that eventually he'll "grow out of" them, then complain when they don't." and "But again, if you go knowingly into a relationship where you have issues and expect those issues to magically go away, then you have no right to complain later when those issues are still present. Self-delusion is not an excuse."

Why do you assume that these women want issues to 'magically' go away? Don't you think that if its gotten to the point that women are forming support groups (like I did) and the like that perhaps their gamer doesn't WANT to a)go to counselling, b)listen/compromise or whatever? They don't want their hubby's to STOP playing, just to start living up to their responsibilites. Once a man/gamer can do that, then it's no longer an issue.


Someone wrote: "Complaining to faceless strangers on the internet that your SO spends too much time playing a game is exactly as helpful if dealing with an ACTUAL addiction as it would be to complain to faceless strangers that your SO spends too much time drinking. That is to say, not at all."

You are quite wrong there. Wouldn't you agree that it's much more productive to let your feelings out via text (aka venting) rather than blow up at your gamer? I encourage venting on my boards because I do recognize that it is much more productive for a relationship if the person with the gripe can let it out with someone else prior to addressing the issue to the person causing the gripe. It really makes for happier relationships.

Anyway, I think this thread has been awesome with some very awesome folk responding (like Lewisham) and it's been a great read! :) :happy65:

For anyone who's interested my site is: http://www.gamerwidow.com :wave:

[SirBazturd]

Wow.

In regards to Vorlin's post about how it's not about moderation because he manages to maintain his relationship with his gf and still play sooo many hours/day: things are way different when you are LIVING with a person. It's fine now that you pay attention to your gf when you see her on Sat's or what have you. What about when you are married and she's at your house every day.

Then you can't just go home and get on the game asap if she's home. She's going to expect a bit of 'her' time -- THAT's where the trouble starts. You'll see, you'll either end up moderating your gaming or you will have rough seas in your relationship. It really IS all about moderation.

:wave:

Agreed!!!


When you choose to marry/live with someone, you have to start thinking at a couple. My wife and I have a great relationship, she is not a gamer btw. But we make time for one another. I don't want to sit in front of the TV watching Desperate Housewives and she doesn't want to sit in front of the computer playing WOW. We make time for each other doing things we both enjoy and make time to do our individual things.

I read on this forum (not sure if it is in this post) about making sure that you go to bed when your wife/bf/gf does. It was a great tip. It makes her happy b/c we can talk and I am not dead tired at work the next day from gaming until 1 am. I would like to game all night with my friends, but I didn't have to get married. I chose to marry her and it is my job to make her happy (For those of you not married. If your wife is happy, the house is a much better place to be!!!!). If I loose a couple of game hours, so what? The game will be there the next day.


The funny thing is, she found the original article and pointed it out to me. Her response to the article was....if those people are married to people they can't communicate with....maybe they shouldn't have gotten married.

[Tikarra]

I can relate to them... My fiance is ALWAYS on the computer and if he even has to take one minute t do anything with our 5 month old he gets very impatient. But... I learned that if he doesn't have the game then I also have to listen to him cry about it all the time. I would rather him be on it all the time instead of not haveing it at all. I seriousely cannot put up with a fussy baby that wants to be held all the time and a fiance that acts like one. Now I just get on and play as well untill he is ready to go to bed. Problem solved. He gets what he wants and I get what I need.

Us women just have a tendancy to make everything about us. If the husband wants to get on the computer all evening after working all day to earn the money that feeds us then I think they have every right to it. We just need to either deal or adjust. I am not saying that being a SAHM is easy. I am one and I would rather be out working than changing poopy diapers and geting thrown up on but till she is a year old I don't really have a choice. It has it's rewards but it is not as easy as it looks. Not everyone gets a baby that is easy to handle.

Plus this WOW thing is pretty fun even though I am horrible at it. :rolleyes:

[Zahyuri]

I'll probably be repeating a lot of what others are saying but I think I have a very off the wall sittuation compared to the normal female/male being addicted to games and neglecting the other.

I've been gaming since I was very, very young. It's always been apart of my life, a great place to escape whe I was down and out. Hop on the Playstation and calm myself down when someone at school had irritated me.
When I was in middle school/high school though I started playing Everquest and got extremely addicted to it and ended up failing practically everything and causeing myself to have a lot of social problems. 5 Years on an MMORPG can do some serious damage if not played properly.
Thankfully my mom said no more and stopped paying. Lol

Now at the age of 20 I play WoW, my fiancee is 22 and is addicted to quads and trucks. Lol It's his hobby.
I will admit there are a lot of things I prolong doing around the house just so I can play. But I told myself that my gaming is not going to be a problem in this relationship and took this responsibility into my own hands from day one. When my fiancee gets home from work I put down the controller or push the keyboard away and my full attention goes straight to him and things around the house.
I do play sometimes if there's something incredibly boring going on and he understands and actually begs me to go play a game and quit bugging him with questions of 'What's this and What's that...?' Lol I try to learn as much as I can about the things he enjoys so when he talks about it I can understand and talk back. =P

Oddly though I'm the one that gets neglected, not to an extreme but there are times when lap 137 around the yard on the dirt bike gets a little annoying. It's nothing extremely problematic to the relationship but I don't want it to become a bigger issue.

I guess I get irritated that I make an effort to set my hobbies aside when it comes down to it. But reading through this thread has given me a lot of good ideas on how to make things work a little better.

Women/Men gamers I guess need to understand from the start where priorities lie but the other person needs to understand that to most gamers it is a hobby, a sport, a way of life and it's never gonna change.

And a lot of people tell me, just get him to play. But like others have said, that's not always the case. My fiancee enjoys games, fast paced raceing, FPS games. Man can't even sit through a movie he's such an energetic person. Lol There is no way in any sort of life time he's gonna be able to just sit down and play an MMORPG. So I have to neglect WoW to give my husband the attention he deserves. Poor Wow... =D

[Seeo]

Man... after reading this I've realized how lucky I am!!!

My girlfriend/wife plays more than ME! I'm really addicted to WoW and so is she, so the solution? GET 2 COMPUTERS!!! :idea: Now we play side by side, hold hands, play WoW, Kiss between mobs, group together (we even talk to eachother in /team /guild lol. It's funny when I /invite her to a group and I'm the first to say "Hi and Welcome" lol.

She's actually gotten to 60 faster than me! I'm 57 and she's 60! GHAR!! All those levels I was like half a level in the lead and soon as lvl 55 hits... BANG! Grindfest during the day while I'm at work! Makes me wanna $**** myself...

And lemme tell you, my girl was NOT into games at first, but hey, Anarchy Online is highly addictive, which is what I got her into first ;)

Then when we had Kolin (our son) we took a good 5 months off... then I bought WoW and was like "instead of getting back into AO (cuz I had been playing for 3 years, had over 2 billion dollars) lets get into THIS since all my buddies are playing, and lotsa girls play too!!" and she fell for it BIG time! I had to go buy my OWN copy a week later cuz she claimed that account as her own!

[Tikarra]

Awww! that's really cute. We are getting another computer eventually so we can play together.

[rgirty]

My wife plays as well, we don't go out and fight mobs unless the baby is sleeping as a rule. While he is up we play with him, i leave wow open and hit SCAN with auctioneer and that is really it. This works out for the best! Kids need attention, they go to bed early enough that the parents can play after. If you want to play so much, sleep less and neglect yourself instead of your kid/kids or wife. Just my 2 cp!

[Tikarra]

that's what I do. I play with her while she lets me but she gets tired of it after a bit then I put her in her jumperoo and put it near wherever I am untill she wants played with again. When she goes to sleep I put the bassinet right next to the computer desk so I can keep an eye on her as she sleep and I play.

[Zahyuri]

My wife plays as well, we don't go out and fight mobs unless the baby is sleeping as a rule. While he is up we play with him, i leave wow open and hit SCAN with auctioneer and that is really it. This works out for the best! Kids need attention, they go to bed early enough that the parents can play after. If you want to play so much, sleep less and neglect yourself instead of your kid/kids or wife. Just my 2 cp!

I think you just said it the best! Lol I'm fortunate enough to be able to stay home and really only worry about keeping the housework up and making sure everything gets paid when it needs to be. After doing childcare for 2 years I was a stressed person so we decided I could be a housewife until the need arised for me to get a job. Lol It was totally his idea!
Anywho, that gives me time to do whatever I want with my days, I can sleep in (I have Anemia which happens to make me tired even if I haven't done anything worth making me tired.) I wake my butt up at 5am with my fiancee, watch him leave for work and sit down and play my games while taking care of things around the house.
Then when he gets home I drop any gaming I'm doing and hang out with him until he decides he wants to go to bed. And for someone with Anemia that can be a very LONG day.

But I neglect my need for extra sleep just so I can have my gaming time and give my fiancee time. Plus sleep is such a waste of time in my mind, so many things you can do instead of sleep.

[Foonyak]

Wow...what an exhaustive thread. Silverhand and rgirty said it the best IMO, and I have been doing the family/gaming balance for almost two years. Of course, she knew I was a gamer from about 15 minutes into our first date, and it helps that she's a console gamer.

We have an eight month old daughter, and as long as my wife is watching her or she is sleeping, I have WoW time. When my wife is at work though, it's completely different. I can WoW while she's asleep, but as soon as she gets up, it's "G2G, baby's awake" followed by Exit Game. I'm sure I've pissed a few PUG's off, but my priorities are set; Daughter/Wife, Work, Housework, and then come hobbies.

[mesonm]

Wow...what an exhaustive thread. Silverhand and rgirty said it the best IMO, and I have been doing the family/gaming balance for almost two years. Of course, she knew I was a gamer from about 15 minutes into our first date, and it helps that she's a console gamer.

We have an eight month old daughter, and as long as my wife is watching her or she is sleeping, I have WoW time. When my wife is at work though, it's completely different. I can WoW while she's asleep, but as soon as she gets up, it's "G2G, baby's awake" followed by Exit Game. I'm sure I've pissed a few PUG's off, but my priorities are set; Daughter/Wife, Work, Housework, and then come hobbies.

Wow...you spirit rezzed a topic long since dead....

[kcma]

yeh, wow is really not on the top of my list of priorities :p

[thoroom]

Meh, most nights I'd rather bang out a level than worry about keeping the bi*ch happy.

[brandondash]

yeh, wow is really not on the top of my list of priorities :p
yes, it is obviously "posting to the forums" followed by "posting to the forums".

:grin:

[Sundestroyer]

yes, it is obviously "posting to the forums" followed by "posting to the forums".

:grin:

Don't forget "Posting to the forums" then "Farming the AH" then "Posting to the forums". Haha :grin:

[kcma]

farming AH takes 10min a day :p i'd say posting to the forum prolly takes up more time ;)

so... work -> happycow -> posting to the forums -> wow :D

[raffster]

Those here who know me know that I'm more active in the diabloii.net OTF forums.

I just want to say that gaming addiction when it's real addiction is no laughing matter. My wife and I had been going back on this issue for a long time already (on top of other things) and 9 months ago she threw me out. Two weeks ago we officially separated.

I personally believe that 60% of the reason why my marriage ended was because of my gaming addiction. The other reasons that my wife left me wouldn't have mattered if I had given more quality time.

Gaming per se is not bad, but when it engulfs and consumes every single waking and even sleeping moment, it will destroy any relationship, even a marriage.

I implore those who are married and know beyond reasonable doubt that they are addicted to seek help. Don't follow the road I traveled. I woke up too late. Now I have to start my life over without the person I had hoped to spend the rest of my life with.

--Raffster
PS: Heya Toader!!!

[kcma]

so... she's single now? i meant... wow, i'm sorry to hear that...

[Tanitha]

so... she's single now? i meant... wow, i'm sorry to hear that...

Ouch. That's heartless dude.

[kcma]

i was attempting to cheer him up while welcoming him to singlenesshood.

[raffster]

i was attempting to cheer him up while welcoming him to singlenesshood.

that's okay. yeah she's single now and i think she'll be single for a loooong time until she learns how to forgive. she's the bitter and resentful type (just like her mom) if you know what I mean.

thanks for your welcome :P

[snowieken]

Raffster is taking it well, but that comment was indeed well over the top of good taste, kcma. Try to think about manners next time, okay?

[raffster]

Raffster is taking it well, but that comment was indeed well over the top of good taste, kcma. Try to think about manners next time, okay?

Thanks a lot, snowieken. I've been reading a lot on divorce and it seems that one of the most difficult things that other people face when dealing with divorced people is how to relate with them "properly." I'm sure kcma meant well but yeah he could have handled it better.

Off-topic. I really like your avatar. I need to learn how to make a moving one.

[Tanitha]

it seems that one of the most difficult things that other people face when dealing with divorced people is how to relate with them "properly"

That seems understandable, but also a little bit odd. One part of me wants to say "treat them just like you would treat anyone else". At the same time, I know what goes into a marriage and the idea of that ending seems. I don't know. I'd want somebody to hold me for a while and then I'd want to be alone and angry and just too many things.

How do you want people to relate to you?

[kcma]

alright i was out of line, sorry.

[Ardani]

I keep things in balance by asking myself occasionally what I'd regret on my deathbed. Yeah, I know that sounds morbid. Think about it though. In their final hours, do you think anyone ever says to themselves "God, I wish I'd spent more time on the computer"? Or "If only I'd done more overtime instead of being home to put the kids to bed"? Assuming we're lucky and there's decades left before any of us reach our deathbeds, do you think we'll even remember what, say, Naxxramas is by then? We might remember the friendships we formed in or around the game, if they're strong ones, but everything else is transitory.

I'd wager on the number one regret being "I wish I'd spent more time with the people I love". So that's my priority. And if I consider that regret and find myself feeling at all guilty, then I know it's time to go do something about it. And I try to share their interests, so that we're all free to mix in our hobbies sometimes without feeling that guilt.

[Peter]

stop having babies.

to elaborate, if you feel neglected because your bf/husband is playing games then just stfu and leave the relationship, if you want to work things out then understand your role, clean the kitchen, do the laundry while your hubby is out working 8-12 hours a day to pay your mortgage ..

and do you think men want to have kids? men who play mmos? hell no, you have kids because he was trying to fulfill your wish, so take care of them,

if you dont have kids and you don't work please explain what you do for 16hours a day and what gives you the right to expect a man to drop what he loves for you.

p.s. if he loves you he obviously wouldn't be ignoring you for WoW

[kcma]

haha :D and i thought i was out of line then someone tops me :p

[Ardani]

Because of course, all women have/want kids, none of those women work and their only interest in their husband is as a financial provider?

I'm trying to think of a less offensive way to phrase this, but I can't: That has to be one of the most ignorant posts I've ever seen.

[Tanitha]

haha :D and i thought i was out of line then someone tops me :p

:laugh: Who'da thunk it?

to elaborate, if you feel neglected because your bf/husband is playing games then just stfu and leave the relationship, if you want to work things out then understand your role, clean the kitchen, do the laundry while your hubby is out working 8-12 hours a day to pay your mortgage ..

and do you think men want to have kids? men who play mmos? hell no, you have kids because he was trying to fulfill your wish, so take care of them,

if you dont have kids and you don't work please explain what you do for 16hours a day and what gives you the right to expect a man to drop what he loves for you.

p.s. if he loves you he obviously wouldn't be ignoring you for WoW.

Dude. Really. You're ignoring the evidence of World of Warcraft addiction (http://www.google.co.nz/search?hl=en&q=world+of+warcraft+addiction&btnG=Google+Search&meta=) and a whole plethora of other issues, generalizing, stereotyping.

Have you considered that both the husband and the wife might be out working. Or that the wife might be the one earning the money while her on-the-dole husband sits at home playing WoW? Day and Night because that's the only place he can actually be successful?

Taking the reverse case - have you even considered what is involved in raising a child, taking care of a household? It's not a 16 hour a day holiday spa. It's a lot of mind numbing work.

What gives a woman the right to expect her husband to be a part of their relationship? Their wedding vows. In all things people should be reasonable. No good wife would expect her husband to give up playing WoW completely. But no good husband would spend 4 to 8 hours a night on World of Warcraft after pulling a long day at work.

Ardani said it best, a few posts earlier.

[kcma]

peter thunk it :p

[MixedVariety]

Peter, your kind was supposed to have moved out with the last of the Neandertals. Hurry up, maybe you can still catch them.

Anything that drags you away from your avowed spouse for such extended periods that it arbitrarily affects family life is a deal-breaker. You are breaking a contract. Like it or not, that's what a marriage is. Good times, bad times, sure...those come naturally to everyone's life. Willfully choosing to ignore your family? That's neglectful abuse.

[Foonyak]

to elaborate, if you feel neglected because your bf/husband is playing games then just stfu and leave the relationship, if you want to work things out then understand your role, clean the kitchen, do the laundry while your hubby is out working 8-12 hours a day to pay your mortgage ..

Umm...most people my age with kids are either single parents (said parent having two jobs) or are in relationships where each adult has a job. Most single income families went out with disco.

and do you think men want to have kids? men who play mmos? hell no, you have kids because he was trying to fulfill your wish, so take care of them,

You're an idiot. Gamers can want to have families too. I wasn't trying to make my wife happy when I got her pregnant, we were trying to start our family. It's really hard for a woman to get pregnant by herself. There has to be some sort of male interaction.

if you dont have kids and you don't work please explain what you do for 16hours a day and what gives you the right to expect a man to drop what he loves for you.

If my wife didn't have a job and we didn't have a daughter, I would expect her to have the house clean. Being as she does have a job and we do have a daughter, I expect her to get whatever she can done while I'm at work, and she expects the same from me. We take care of our daughter, we do the dishes when they need to be done, we vacuum, we scrub the bathroom, and we do laundry. A marriage is a two-front effort on the drudgery of life. If I made enough money to support the family and she didn't have to have a job, I would expect her to do more at home than me, but still wouldn't expect her to have all of it done. I've spent a few days home while she went to work, and taking care of a baby and trying to get the chores done is a *****, and she was more than happy to help out when she got home.

p.s. if he loves you he obviously wouldn't be ignoring you for WoW

This is the only valid point made in your entire post, and even still there is plenty of evidence that MMOs in general are addictive. So before spouting your next "me-bash-woman-when-she-out-of-line" post, think objectively about the topic you're posting about.

-Foo

[thoroom]

This post is the reason I support gay marriage.

After all, they should have to suffer too.

[raffster]

That seems understandable, but also a little bit odd. One part of me wants to say "treat them just like you would treat anyone else". At the same time, I know what goes into a marriage and the idea of that ending seems. I don't know. I'd want somebody to hold me for a while and then I'd want to be alone and angry and just too many things.

How do you want people to relate to you?

Just know when to draw the line, that's all. I have a very strong sense of humor so I can manage to deal with almost any type of insult or inappropriate remark. But I no longer tolerate anybody who's consistently hitting below the belt like someone in the diabloii.net OTF is doing that to me right now:

Honestly, I find you a rather repugnant human being, and can understand why your wife left you.

I think that's just wrong even though I know I really mistreated my wife at times when we were still married.

alright i was out of line, sorry.

No worries. I found your response more amusing than insulting.

[MixedVariety]

Ouch, Raff, that comment from the D2 forum was nasty. One of the reasons I rarely frequent the place anymore.

For the record, I have been where you were. Without going into great detail, I was obsessed with D2 to the point that it was seriously encroaching on my family life. I was lucky to back out before it went too far, and I'm sorry you didn't get the chance to see it in time.

[Freet]

to elaborate, if you feel neglected because your bf/husband is playing games then just stfu and leave the relationship, if you want to work things out then understand your role, clean the kitchen, do the laundry while your hubby is out working 8-12 hours a day to pay your mortgage ..

and do you think men want to have kids? men who play mmos? hell no, you have kids because he was trying to fulfill your wish, so take care of them,

if you dont have kids and you don't work please explain what you do for 16hours a day and what gives you the right to expect a man to drop what he loves for you.

p.s. if he loves you he obviously wouldn't be ignoring you for WoW

Whew, that was a tough read.

Peter, try pulling your head out of your *** so your brain can get some oxygen.

[raffster]

Ouch, Raff, that comment from the D2 forum was nasty. One of the reasons I rarely frequent the place anymore.

For the record, I have been where you were. Without going into great detail, I was obsessed with D2 to the point that it was seriously encroaching on my family life. I was lucky to back out before it went too far, and I'm sorry you didn't get the chance to see it in time.

Hi Mixed! Long time no hear and see. Glad you came to your senses before it was too late. My marriage was doomed the day we got married. We were mentally and emotionally too young to understand what it entails to keep a lifelong relationship going. Good news that I'm starting to live life again. It's been a rough road being apart but I'm now able to live according to my purpose and passion. I'm quite glad that I'm out of that rut where I'm regularly threatened that if I don't make X amount / year she was going to leave me.

It's rare I find those kinds of jerks in the D2 OTF. This guy just pushed me over the edge. :evil: Quite frankly I think he should get a hefty warning but that's not up for me to decide.

Anyway I'm glad to see you around. :wave:

Back on topic:

Anybody who plays more than 2 hours a day on the weekdays, 8+ hours on the weekends should seriously re-evaluate their lives. I think anything more than 18-20 hours a week on a game is bordering over or already right smack into addiction levels. Imagine what you can do with that extra time in terms of earning potential, quality time and above all, personal development.

[MixedVariety]

I'd have to agree with you there, Raff. Essentially, I don't think anyone should spend more time at a game than they'd normally spend at, say, a TV; and I don't mean in addition to TV, I mean instead of it. I don't play WoW; the only game I play is Guild Wars, and that sparingly...maybe 2 or 3 hours every couple of weeks. It was good to shed the game and join the family, and real life, again.

As for your recent dilemma, I can only wish you the best. You're essentially a good man, so I know you'll figure out how to get what you want out of life. The one silver lining to your black cloud is, hey, you might get to fall in love again!

[Tanitha]

Anybody who plays more than 2 hours a day on the weekdays, 8+ hours on the weekends should seriously re-evaluate their lives. I think anything more than 18-20 hours a week on a game is bordering over or already right smack into addiction levels. Imagine what you can do with that extra time in terms of earning potential, quality time and above all, personal development.

How does that balance for you with the concept of video gaming being an alternative form of entertainment?

As an aside, our sister site GWOnline.net is running a poll on how many hours people average in-game. (Do a /age in Guild Wars to see the hours logged in over a given time-frame)


Hours / Number / Percentage
0~2 142 28.51%
2~4 179 35.94%
4~6 78 15.66%
6~8 39 7.83%
8~10 17 3.41%
10~12 15 3.01%
12~14 6 1.20%
14~16 2 0.40%
16~18 4 0.80%
MORE! 16 3.21%

And that very unscientific sampling showed that the largest slice of players spent between 0 and 6 hours in-game per day, with most spending between 2 and 4 hours in-game.

[Tombarry]

wow all this touched me..
i had to print all your post and read them.
you know i agree with you guys
Silverhand speaks to me!
thank you!!!

[raffster]

How does that balance for you with the concept of video gaming being an alternative form of entertainment?



I guess it really depends on how "entertainment" is defined. One can spend 5 minutes a week on porn sites and create tremendous strain on a relationship (if there is one) But this really varies.

Entertainment can both be beneficial or harmful depending on how it's used and applied into one's lifestyle.

My marriage collapsed because I completely stopped giving quality time to my wife. All she got were the scraps of time left that truly made her a gamer's widow.

I guess it boils down to someone's dreams and aspirations in life. If you're happy where you are and you're 100% content, then by all means, continue what you're doing. But if there's someone in your life who's not happy, some bills that aren't getting paid, or grades that are getting lower, obviously something's gotta give. And that's probably cutting down on gaming time or perhaps stop gaming altogether.

[Tanitha]

I guess it boils down to someone's dreams and aspirations in life. If you're happy where you are and you're 100% content, then by all means, continue what you're doing. But if there's someone in your life who's not happy, some bills that aren't getting paid, or grades that are getting lower, obviously something's gotta give. And that's probably cutting down on gaming time or perhaps stop gaming altogether.


Thanks Raffster.

I'm mostly a casual player (Few hours a week if that) but it's squeezed in when our baby girl is asleep and my partner is at work. Yet, I can feel the twinges of wanting ... more ... so I don't really want to fall into the whole addiction thing. There has been real life things (Paying bills online) that I've delayed by a few hours because I had a rare opportunity to play.

I think just seeing what it has done to people, innocently, makes me hesitant about it.

So thanks again!

[anarchyprevails]

I suppose that I'm quite lucky really. I work 3 shifts so this gives me ample time to have 4 odd hours a day playing whilst the fiancee is at work :azn:

This means that when she is around, then I don't play ie. weekends and evenings. Which doesn't bother me atm because I'm just levelling and learning the game, doing a few bg's which I can fit around myself and don't have to worry about raids etc.

But, if she comes home and I'm still finishing up, 10mins or so, then sulkarama begins. Or if she asks ' Honey what have you been doing today? ' and I reply honestly, then the same thing happens. WHY? I guess they'll just never understand. Just the same way they can be on the phone to various people for 4 hours straight......

[brandondash]

Interesting views from people. I don't agree with any of them, but interesting nonetheless.

My most common complaint sitting here at work is that I can't win the lottery and game 8 hours a day instead =[

[KatyOleson]

I am the wife of a gamer, not WOW because we just had a baby.

This sounds really selfish. Me, Me, Me. Marriage is about the other person. I will never understand how any married person can complain about the very person they chose to marry. I don't really hear about very many arranged marriages these days. They knew who they were marrying, unless their spouse lost his mind, then he hasn't changed enough to complain about.

I married a man who as I said before has chosen not to play WOW because that is the kind of man I married. I hope all the people complaining about this realize that they married decent men before it is too late.

Love them while you got 'em.

[MixedVariety]

Oh come on, KatyOleson; you can't live on love. If someone is gaming to the point of it becoming a sickness, then it should be treated like an illness, wouldn't you think? I agree with you that people should know who they are marrying before they jump into it, but it doesn't mean everything and anything should be allowable once they do. Some things, even in marriage, are deal-breakers.

People change. Drinking, drug abuse, gambling, even spousal abuse can all get to be addictions. Are you saying that if you love someone you ought to ignore such changes, even to the detriment of family life? Nah; part of my marriage is that we have an open enough relationship to be able to speak if something's bothering one of us, instead of swallowing it and blithely going on as if nothing's wrong.

[mesonm]

Now I have to start my life over without the person I had hoped to spend the rest of my life with.


Dude, you are still here...Take that as a lesson and give up gaming...

I'm not kidding....

[mesonm]

But no good husband would spend 4 to 8 hours a night on World of Warcraft after pulling a long day at work.


It is easy [for me] to agree with this extreme...Four hours every night....playing a game, and presumably not doing anything else...I presume you are saying this because the person who is on the game that long isn't talking or otherwise interacting with you...

But, I suspect your definition goes much further, and this is only one characteristic....Which is good...I'm just saying we are talking about this in total isolation, when there is much flavor we aren't discussing...heh

What is good or bad depends on the collection of circumstances, and what a given person or pair of people can live with, what their expectations are, etc.

[mesonm]

Anybody who plays more than 2 hours a day on the weekdays, 8+ hours on the weekends should seriously re-evaluate their lives.


You are setting targets for others? WOW.....

[Tanitha]

It is easy [for me] to agree with this extreme...Four hours every night....playing a game, and presumably not doing anything else...I presume you are saying this because the person who is on the game that long isn't talking or otherwise interacting with you...

It is most definitely an extreme and a lot will depend on circumstance. If both partners are actively involved in one-another and, for example, plays the game together - then it's a different story. Or - if their relationship is at such a point (Good or bad) where that level of dedication to a game does not affect it - fine too. Many, many circumstances that can make it no problem.

I'm sure you'll agree though that relationships, especially ones that live outside of a virtual world require some investment in time, romance, life and so forth to build the memories that will carry you through the twilight years. I want to look back when I'm old and gray and sitting on the porch and remember a night of wild dancing, or cooking together or just doing *something* together.

It's difficult building those memories when half your life is sitting in front of a computer screen, clicking away and earning virtual respect.

On a more personal note. My better half has recently started gambling. Roulette in the Casino. Drawing a slight parallel between the two and noticing how a few hours every two weeks has turned into a nightly binge that runs into the early hours of the morning. It's quite scary.

I'm not really sure what I should be doing at this point in time, with money just dropped into that bottomless pit I'm starting to get worried. It seems to be even worse than me wanting to play an hour or two of World of Warcraft every few days.

[mesonm]

Are you saying that if you love someone you ought to ignore such changes, even to the detriment of family life?

I venture to say...Don't jump out too quickly...Relationships are a two-person gig...Both need to work hard at it...

If someone needs to play that much and you feel neglected, figure out what causes them to like the game so much over other things and fix it...the solution should be formed by both, if needed at all...

Leaving, beating on the errant person, etc., won't work either...

[MixedVariety]

On a more personal note. My better half has recently started gambling. Roulette in the Casino. Drawing a slight parallel between the two and noticing how a few hours every two weeks has turned into a nightly binge that runs into the early hours of the morning. It's quite scary.


Ouch, I'm sorry to hear of this, Tanitha. I'd be very concerned at this point; I have never been a gambler, outside of an occasional foray with my wife to play the slot machines, but even that much makes me understand the pull of it. The next time you'll win...well, the next time...well, the next time... it's a fire that burns from the inside out, for some people.

Edit: And of course you're right, mesonm. I didn't mean to infer that you give up at the slightest problem; I was more indicating that when problems arise, you face them rather than ignoring them. Facing them together is always best until it's obvious you have exhausted all avenues.

[mesonm]

....................................responded in pm

[knightxo]

Personally I find this hilarious since my wife plays at least twice as much as I do (she has more time to play). And we originally got wow for her to play (sure I had the ulterior motive of playing myself but we bought it for her)

[kcma]

does she have a wow loving sister?

[snowieken]

You are setting targets for others? WOW.....I happen to think his experiences are a perfect background for setting targets. If anyone has the right to set targets, it's him.

[HALP]

Im only 17.. i play WoW when i get home from school to when i go to bed, simply because i have nothing else to do. If my friend wants to hang out or if i do something with my GF im easily to get off. I don't really think im addicted its just that i have nothing better to do. ><

[StealthAssasin]

lol Rofl lol -_- my girl dont care lol she plays it sometime lol shes addicted to halo 2 so icant say much we talk though lol :P

[Shylana]

I used to get angry with my husband over online games also. We have three kids and he was always playing into the night with his friends. But I say if you can't beat them, join them. So I now have 5 lvl 60 characters all with high-end armor in a good guild with alot of nice people. It is fun and kind of addicting, but it keeps me from spending a ton of money shopping at stores :P In the past few months I haven't played much, but I am going to get BC soon and start a new account. So maybe some of the women out there need to create a character and join their husbands or boyfriends and they will spend time together in a fun environment. We have been communicating 150% better since I am now playing with him instead of against him, hehe.

[kcma]

I used to get angry with my husband over online games also. We have three kids and he was always playing into the night with his friends. But I say if you can't beat them, join them. So I now have 5 lvl 60 characters all with high-end armor in a good guild with alot of nice people. It is fun and kind of addicting, but it keeps me from spending a ton of money shopping at stores :P In the past few months I haven't played much, but I am going to get BC soon and start a new account. So maybe some of the women out there need to create a character and join their husbands or boyfriends and they will spend time together in a fun environment. We have been communicating 150% better since I am now playing with him instead of against him, hehe.

well... umm... i'm kindda shy... but let me work up some courage here... wanna show us what you look like so we can all be envious of your lucky husband?? :D

[swedeslovewow]

I would just like to announce, to anyone who's listening, I am a girl. I am addicted to WoW and all other games. I love playing games.

What's better, I love just sitting and watching other people play video games...I'm serious. I grew up just watching my brother play because quite frankly, I kinda suck at some/most/all video games. I love them though, so usually my only means of seeing any content is watching others. And I really like it. Honestly. I never get bored.


So, while I guess I can understand that some women out there hate video games, I am here to say that NOT ALL GIRLS ARE LIKE THAT!!!!!!

[myusernameistaken]

I came back from working away to find my non-gaming (ever) g/f had decided she wanted to play WoW. Why? Because she'd been looking for Theatre of Cruelty (she teaches drama) online and found a WoW guild by that name and started reading :grin:

I'd not played WoW as I knew how I can get a little obsessive maybe, but have played DDO and SWG before so didn't need too much extra bidding. Treated myself a brand new PC, she can have my old one - planning on playing our first game together on Saturday :smiley:

[sweettea]

So wives & girlfriends get upset about video games but what about husbands & boyfriends - or partners in general? My husband has never played video games, actually kinda hates them. But as I've always played - before we married - he's just learned to accept it. :-)

So, can anyone suggest a good starter game for him? Something so that maybe he might begin to see the appeal? (I've an Xbox, PlayStation, and GameCube.)

[kcma]

sports is a good way to start guys onto games... that or give him SIMs (giggle).

[LordSuicidal]

Excellent, another reason not to get married and have kids.

I'm single, 21, male and can't be arsed moving out of the family home. I dread all 8 hours of work... And can never wait to get home and jump on my PC. Not always WoW mind you. I sleep for more than 8 hours a day, usually 9 - 10... So that only leaves me with 6 - 7 hours of my time. 1 of which is spent walking the dog. So 5 - 6 hours of gaming/watching TV a day. I can't imagine how much time I'd have left if I was married/dating... I think I'll avoid that step in life. My time > *.

Then again, I could be doing the ladies a favour. :grin:

[kcma]

Excellent, another reason not to get married and have kids.

I'm single, 21, male and can't be arsed moving out of the family home. I dread all 8 hours of work... And can never wait to get home and jump on my PC. Not always WoW mind you. I sleep for more than 8 hours a day, usually 9 - 10... So that only leaves me with 6 - 7 hours of my time. 1 of which is spent walking the dog. So 5 - 6 hours of gaming/watching TV a day. I can't imagine how much time I'd have left if I was married/dating... I think I'll avoid that step in life. My time > *.

Then again, I could be doing the ladies a favour. :grin:

i'd happily spend more time with happycow and less on my laptop but that woman works 110+ hours a week :p

[Tegan]

Very interesting thread. Sure wish there were more ladies responding tho.
I met my husband playing a mmorpg. He lived in OZ, me in Florida. Never would have met if not for gaming.
However, since I work 60hrs a week to his 40, he has had the opportunity to level up way beyond me and make quite a few friends and join a guild. He now plays with them, and he very rarely will play with me. Typical evening: I come home from work; he's playing WOW. I make dinner, he will usually come to eat, but often when it is cold and I am done because he was in the middle of a raid. He will then sit down to watch some TV with me and then falls asleep after about 15 minutes. He then snoozes on the sofa until I have to go to bed, then he gets up and plays WOW a few more hours. Rinse and Repeat. I've even gotten up in the morning to find him asleep in his gaming chair on his days off ( I have 1 off a week, he has 2-3 different days off). Frankly, his addiction is out of hand. I've tried talking to him, and he says 'I stop playing and watch telly with you' , I say; you fall asleep in 15 min since you're up all night, he says, 'im tired'. On my day off, we will play side by side as our comps are next to each other, but he doesn't want to play together, because of course he has a raid or BG, or arena with his guild pals scheduled.
Pisses me off. He's not even willing to go to conselling as he doesn't agree he has a problem. Says its not his problem I work so much and he has more time to play. Of course, I have to hire out lawn work,painting etc, because he is to busy gaming to do that either.
I am happy for all of you that have managed to solve any issues you may have had with spouses and gaming, and hope that I find a solution soon. Unfortunatly it is starting to look like the solution is to end the relationship.

[Woodlander]

My wife and I started playing WoW together. At first she was 3-4 levels ahead of me and stayed that way for awhile. Then I started shooting past her to the point where my main is 61 and hers is 43. Like the previous poster mentioned this causes a bit of friction during those times I'm in HFR and she's asking for help in Tanaris but I try to balance it as much as possible, assisting her with quests and the like. She's started to enjoy having a 60+ hunter around as she gets ganked so much less and we've planned out some personal Ulda and ZF runs to up her equipment. What I lose in leveling time and instance runs I gain in quality time with the missus and she gets first shot at those blue plate shoulders :).

I guess what it comes down to is that WoW happens to be something fun that we can do together, not a game we both just happen to like. It's an important distinction.

[bodybagz]

this is one old post u ..guys went to the archives for this...2005!?

[SirBazturd]

Yeah...i can't believe this is still going. My longest lived post by far.

[kickenwing]

lexan has the right idea, my freind had a gf who played wow also, it acctually helped a lot because she lives and portland and they see eachother a lot more in game