Raston's Redemption

[Nitesky]

Raston stood there, in front of the entrance to Elywnn Forest. The view of the forest in the sitting sun was quite beautiful, but he had not traveled here for the view.

He travels to Stormwind, the last remaining Human stronghold. It is there, he will pledge his allegiance to the Alliance. It was not a decision that Raston made easily. He was unsure if the humans of Stormwind would accept him, having been trained in the Dark Arts of the Warlock. But it was not only his knowledge of dark magic that worried him. He had also served willingly under Prince Arthus during the last war. He was with there when Arthus destroyed Lordaeron and did not think twice after hearing that Arthus had killed his father, King Terenas.

Raston treaded quietly threw the forest. He did not wish to travel along the path. The path is patrolled by Stormwind sentry's and he did not wish to be discovered, not yet. He stopped, he heard movement up ahead. Thinking it best that he had some assistance navigating his way unnoticed threw the forest he began to cast a spell. After speaking the final word of conjuring an imp appeared in front of him.

“Do you require my service, master?” The imp said, bowing his head in obedience. “I am here to serve.” Raston put a finger over his lips as a sign to be quite. “Tell me, Drakken. What creature blocks my path?” The imp looks off into the distance. It was total darkness but that did not matter to his abyssal eyes. “Kobolds master, a small patrol of Kobolds. Four of them.”

Raston crept slowly towards the Kobolds. Once in view of the creatures, Raston begins to once again cast another spell. The creatures did not know what was going on before it was to late, they all burst into a blue flame that seemed to burn their very soul. They all collapsed.

“Very nice, master! Your power is so great!” stated the imp in excitement. “Shut up! We need to stay quite. Tell me if anything else gets in our way.” Then, from the south the sound of running, tearing threw the underbrush. “Humans master! It be Humans after us!” Drakken jumped up and down pointing towards the south. Raston knew that he could not get away now that the patrols knew he was here. He turned to Drakken. “I release you.” A flame engulfed the imp and when the flame was gone, so was the imp.

The human patrol came upon Raston and surrounded him. Their torch light seemed increadably bright to his eyes after being in the dark of the forest for the past several hours. They had their weapons drawn and Raston could tell by the look on their faces that they were ready to strike him down. The groups leader took a step forward.

“What are you doing here in the woods?” said the sentry, looking Raston over. Raston straightened himself up as if trying to make himself more presentable. “I am Raston Darkfall. I travel to Stormwind. I wish to pledge allegiance to the Alliance.” “You wish to join the Alliance you say?” The sentry stepped up to Raston and tugged on the collar of Raston's robe to reveal a mark, burned into his very skin, on his left shoulder. “As I suspected, the mark of the Horde.” Raston was worried now. “Wait! You don't understand!” Raston was silenced by a sentry's sword hilt to the back of his head.

The lead sentry looked at two of his patrol. “Take him to Stormwind for questioning.” They picked up Raston's limp body and headed off to towards Stormwind.

[Nitesky]

Raston found himself on the cold stone floor of a jail cell. He could hear the many sounds of Stormwind threw his cell window. He had made it, though not the way he had planned. He tried to stand up but his body ached. He made his way over to the door of his cell to try and get a look around. His cell seemed to be at the end of a dark hallway with an iron door at the other end. He could see four other cells as well but could not see their inhabitants, if they had inhabitants at all. His head ached horribly. He sit up against the wall to where he would have a clear view of the hallway. He passed out.

He could feel himself being lifted. He opened his eyes to see what was going on. Two armed guards where carrying him by his arms down the hall then up some stairs. They walked down another hallway then threw a heavy wooden door. There was another man in this room standing behind a desk. The two guards sit Raston down in a chair in front of the desk and shut the door.

“I am Sir Danon Strongarm. Tell me why you were heading for Stormwind, Horde.” He was dressed in very fine Armor. Raston could tell that he was in charge here, and that he did not care much for Raston. “I come to swear my allegiance to the Alliance, sir.” Raston let out a cough and then tried to sit up straight in his chair. He wanted to show a strong exterior. “Lies! How can you join the Alliance when you already serve the Horde. You can not deny it, you bare the mark of the Horde on your shoulder.” Danon pointed to Raston's shoulder as if Raston had forgot where his shoulder was located. Raston looked at his shoulder and then back to Danon. “I do not deny it, sire. I was part of the Horde. I have contributed to many deaths and to unspeakable acts of evil. I will have to live with that burden for the rest of my life, but doesn't a man deserve the right to try and make up for some of his wrong doings? I know that I can never make up for the harm I have caused while I was with the Horde, but maybe I can start doing some good if I am accepted into the Alliance.” Danon Strongarm stood there for a moment, looking at Raston as if seeing into his very soul. “How am I to know these claims of loyalty are true? What assurance can you offer me?” Raston looked at the man straight in the eyes. “I offer you, sire. The Horde.”


* * * * *
Danon Strongarm stands ontop of a grassy hill, overlooking a vally below. Looking down into the vally he see's exactly what Raston told him he would see, Horde. Raston had revealed to Danon the location of this Horde emcampment. While the Alliance forces would have discovered it eventually, the Horde forces from this encampment were behind many of the latest attacks on merchants traveling along a nearby supply route so Danon happily accepted Raston's offer. Not quite sure if he was actually going to find anything here or not, he was worried that he would be wasting his time, but if he was going to look for this encampment, he was going prepaired. Danon looks back at his unit of Men and Dwarves behind him and gives the order to prepair to charge.

[Moonotaur]

I liked this alot better than your "Herod" story. This shows a lot of of thought & planning. This is a good first draft. Keep honing your skills, don't forget to spell check (lol).

[Nitesky]

The nights were the hardest part for Raston. Durring the day he had the sounds of the city of Stormwind running threw his mind. Often he would close his eyes and see himself walking threw the city streets with the people, his people. Long has he yurned to be amongst his kind again. Orcs and Trolls could hardley offer intelligent conversation, not to mention the smell. No, he would not miss that rotten, vile smell of the Horde.

He was awoken by the clattering sound of an armord soldier walking down the hall beyond his cell door. He could tell by looking out his window that it was still many hours before the light of day washed over the land. Raston had hoped that the soldier was coming to retrive him. If he was correct, Danon would be back in Stormwind by now and he wished more then anything to speak with him again about their deal. No doubt Danon had found the Horde camp Raston had told him about. Raston only hoped that it was sufficient enough proof to Danon that he was serious about wanting to serve in the Alliance.

The soldier unlocked Rastons cell and proceeded over to wake the man up. Raston sit up with his back against the wall of his cell. "What can I do for you?" The soldier looked at Raston in the face, Raston could tell much of the distrust the soldier had shown to him in the past could not be seen on his face. Raston could only think of two reasons for this. One, Danon has returned from battle in a victorious victory over the Horde. Or two, Danon had fallen in battle and they were now going to execute Raston for leading them into, what they thought, a trap. Raston did not believe such an accomplished fighter as Danon could have been defeated by the Orcs and Trolls at that camp, but it was possible.

"You are to accompany me to Sir Strongarm's office. He wishes to speak with you." Raston let out a sigh of relief. Danon could not have fallen in battle if he now wished to speak with him in his office. Raston got to his feet and began walking torwards the office of Danon Strongarm, the soldier following behind him.

Danon looked tired, and dirty. He must have just returned to the city this very night by the looks of him. He offered Raston a seat and Raston accepted. The commander sit down aswell behind his desk. "You were right, the Horde encampment was exactly where you said it would be. All the information you gave me the numbers, the armaments, all of it seemed to match up with what I seen."

Raston was swelling with excitment inside, maybe now he would be allowed to join his people. He dared not show his excitment though, he wanted to keep his strong exterior in the presence of Commander Strongarm. "Of course it was correct, sire. I was there not three days before your sentry's arrested me in Elywnn. I hope that this proves my intent to serve the Alliance. " Danon stood up and walked over to his window. "It is hard for me to trust you. You have sworn allegience to our enemies, how do I know that your loyalty will not falter again once you are in the Alliance? But, I believe that you are shamed by your deeds you have comitted while in the Horde. And I am a man of my word." Danon turned away from his window and walked over to stand directly infront of Raston. The two men looked into each others eyes, but not as enemy peering at his enemy, but as a soldier might look at his fellow soldier, with Respect. "Welcome Raston Darkfall, to the Alliance. It was not easy but I have procured you a spot in my unit. You will report to the great hall tomorrow morning at first light for your initiation and to take your oath of alliegence. The soldier outside will show you to you to the barracks."

Raston stood up from his seat brimming with pride, he shook the commander's hand and told him what an honor it was to serve the Alliance before he walked out of his office and followed the guard off down countless hallways and stairways. He had achieved it, finally a chance to show the Alliance, the Horde..no, The World that he is here, and that he is fighting for the forces of good."

:Phew: finally done! OMG THAT TOOK FOREVER TO MAKE AN ENDING!!!

[rottentomato]

this is a vast improvement over the "herod" story. it still needs some work, but you def. showed you put more thought and planning into it. spell check is your friend, and make sure you check usages of words like threw and not to confuse it with the word through

overall id say this shows more potential 5.5/10

[Foonyak]

I have to agree, this is much better than Herod. I'd like to point out something that Moonotaur and rotten may have missed.

Raston crept slowly towards the Kobolds. Once in view of the creatures, Raston begins to once again cast another spell.

Notice how in the first sentence, Raston 'crept' in the past tense, and in the next sentence, he 'begins' to cast a spell, in the present tense. It's fine to change tenses from paragraph to paragraph (though if done too much, it will confuse the readers), but try to keep all of the actions in one paragraph in the same tense. It makes the story seem more thought out and flows far better.

[DumbCow]

Yea good story one thing i \have to say is you have to change paragraphs when a new speaker starts and you should try to put something like blank said so as not to confuse the reader