I don’t understand non gamers.

[Kugan]

I know that we have quite a few of these stories on this forum, but I thought I’ll add my latest one.

Lately I’ve been growing tired of WoW, so I’ve been catching up on my reading. About two weeks ago, I had the following discussion with my fiancé.

[Him]: It’s good to see you are doing something other than playing Warcraft.
[Me]: I’m reading! *hoping he would go away so I can finish my book. I get quite moody if people interrupt me while I’m reading*
[Him]: Yeah. That’s much better than playing Warcraft.
[Me]: *Quite annoyed* I’m spending around £15 per week on books which are filling up our apartment. I’m not speaking to anyone, and I’m not sitting in the same room as you anymore. Why is it better?
*Silence.*
[Me]: … and I’ve been getting nightmares most nights.
[Him]: Yeah, I noticed. You thrash around in your sleep when you get nightmares, and I have to calm you down. Why do you get so many nightmares?
[Me]: It’s the books I read…

So last night I decided to check up on my characters, maybe level my baby Warrior a bit, when he looked at me, sighed, and said: “Not again.”

So I switched of my pc, and went back to my new book.

I had another nightmare last night, causing him to lose quite a bit of sleep. Must say, it was worth it.

[DrScience]

Been reading Speaker for the Dead for the last couple of days. That book makes me feel strange. Been having really weird dreams too. Last night i dreamed that my head was fused to the head of the main character in Speaker for the Dead, and i shared his thoughts.

But agreed. Books > WoW.

[xDarkDrifterx]

Must say, it was worth it.

lol
__________

Well, I hope that you can come to a nice middle ground so that you don't feel like you have to set aside what you enjoy to make him happy. Maybe sit down and just hash it all out and find out why he feels the way that he does? I'm guessing its the same old same old non gamer response of wasting time, being unsocial (umm guild + vent + party chat = much socializing), etc etc. I hope that you get to start having time in the day to do what you want whether it's gaming, reading, or a bit of both (without feeling like he's being down on you for doing it). I hope it works out for you.


P.S. - I didn't realize you were female, lol maybe team up with Tikki and get further vajayjay power working in your favor. :grin:

:idea: mhhmmm I bet you had the same idea that I just did . . . lol

"Honey if you really wanna do that from here on out . . . well . . . you're gonna have to stop giving me crap about my hobbies" :wink:

[piscene]

It's really no different from any 2 people with any 2 different hobbies. One loves to watch sports, the other not so much; one likes to hang out at the corner pub, one not so much...you get the idea.

Relationships are a package deal. You don't get to choose the parts you want and change the rest to suit your fancy. He's engaged to a gamer, he better get used to it.

My wife doesn't like it when I read because I tune her out completely and don't hear a word she says. But I can talk to her while I play WoW, so that doesn't bother her at all.

[HandofDread]

Lol... your fiance sounds like my mother...

Mom: Games... do you do anything else?

Hadn't played any games in four months (Broken computer)... and all I hear is... that's all you do. What?

School? Books? Movies?

Gaming is a hobby, a major hobby to be sure, but not my only hobby. I hate it when non-gamers act like we don't have any other hobbies.

[Katrala]

Haha.. when my husband sits down to watch TV I'll usually end up asking him, "Hey, honey, don't you want to play WoW for a bit? We could go do dailies together.."

[Ardani]

What really baffles me is that a lot of non-gamers who have a problem with people "wasting time" on games watch an inordinate amount of television. And all they're doing is sitting and staring at a box. They aren't socialising while they do it, they aren't required to react or interact in any way. They're just staring. At a box. But they think that's fine, whereas gaming is wasting time that could be spent on something productive (never mind that being productive 24 hours a day is a one-way trip to a nervous breakdown; been there, tried that).

No, I don't understand many non-gamers either. Fortunately, the gaming world is slowly sucking most of my acquaintances into it. Even my parents game. Watching them play car racing games together on my mother's PS3 is delightful. :grin:

[Mincemaker]

Each time someone criticizes my gaming habits, I criticize their TV habits or their reading habits (reading comics, that is), which is usually enough to shut them up. What kind of shut-in criticizes another shut-in anyway?

Strangely enough, when I'm in Polytechnic, I got a question on my character, my server and my gear from non-playing classmates who aren't shut-ins.

[Tikki]

Yay! More vajayjay power!

But everyone is right- people who don't share the same hobbies as you, don't understand. The best thing that could happen is that your man gets interested in WoW. That would be wicked!

By the way, what books are you reading?! They sound like something I should pick up!

[Kodonn]

It sounds a little bit like your fiance could be a bit jealous. I don't mean the kind about you and someone else, but the kind where you have an interest in something that he isn't interested in or isn't included in.

It's the same with the whole watching sports on television thing. It's not so much about the wasting of time as it is about showing so much interest in something that doesn't include the other member of the relationship.

Everyone needs their own personal time, but sometimes during the formative parts of a relationship, it takes some time for couples to find a certain level of "comfort" (for lack of a better word) with each other.

The best thing you can do has already been said. TALK about it. Find out if he really feels that playing WoW is a waste of your time or is it that he just feels excluded when you get really into the game.

Another really good option (if possible) is to get him into playing as well. That would help him to understand your interest better and it would give the two of you another way to share your time. There are so many aspects to the game that I'm sure you could find many ways the two if you could enjoy it.

Another possibility (if he doesn't want to try WoW) is to find out what his hobbies or interests are. Then maybe you could agree on "personal" time where you can play WoW and he can devote his time to his hobby. If he's really involved in his hobby, he won't feel so left out of yours.

In any event...we wish you all the luck. Just remember that WoW is just a game, but fiance's are forever.

[Xlorep DarkHelm]

There are a lot of people who think video games are for kids, or for deeply disturbed adults.

There are people who don't understand video games, and therefore demonize them in some way.

There are people who think that if you are sitting staring at a computer all day, you are being the modern "couch potato".

What can I say, there are some seriously ignorant people in the world.

[Zendarin]

Yay! More vajayjay power!

But everyone is right- people who don't share the same hobbies as you, don't understand. The best thing that could happen is that your man gets interested in WoW. That would be wicked!

By the way, what books are you reading?! They sound like something I should pick up!

Yep - this is the answer I chose. I created a character for my wife to try and she got hooked almost right away. I set up a trial account for her and within days she came home with the game to install so she didn't have to wait for it to download on HER pc :)

2 weeks after that - the first time she experienced a patch - she called me at work crying because she couldn't log in to WOW lol.

Now we have worked out an acceptable schedule which allows us both to get game time in as well as do other things together and have an active social life :laugh:

[Elly]

My wife doesn't like it when I read because I tune her out completely and don't hear a word she says. But I can talk to her while I play WoW, so that doesn't bother her at all.

Yeah, I can't understand it how my bf can not enjoy reading. I say ....."but imagine a nice quiet afternoon, curled up on the sofa with a really good book and you lose all track of time because you're just so engrossed??" and he just slowly shakes his head saying "Nah, just doesn't do it for me." I'm agast. I also categorize my books and then line them up according to size and he gets that even less :tongue:

[Cembrelise]

I kinda feel you on the subject, but it's a bit different for me.

I've never been a gamer or anything like that, but I was curious as to what all the fuss was about, so I downloaded the trial in November. I realized I liked it, so I thought about it and decided it'd be worth buying it. But instead of spending a bunch of time online doing other crap, I replaced that with WoW, so I'm not adding another time-consuming activity, just replacing one.

My hubsand's okay with it, he doesn't bother me about playing. My younger cousin (she's 18, I'm 22) lives with us and will not shut the hell up about it, regardless of how annoyed I get. She watches Lifetime all the time. Eww. How many hours of "I'm beating you! It's building your character!" can you take? Ugh. And I've had a couple friends piss me off too - the situation that stands out to me is:

Friend barges in house, drunk: OMG YOU GOTTA COME UP TO THE BAR
Me: Dude, I'm sick and I'm saving money to go to Oregon in the spring, I can't go to the bar all the time and spend $30 on drinks and if I don't you'll bug me for not drinking there.
Him: *puts hand in front of screen while I'm in an instance group* OKAY, LOOK AWAY FROM THE GAME, YOU CAN DO IT, FIGHT THE ADDICTION!
Me: What the hell are you doing? If I were healthy and weren't saving for anything you know I'd go get wasted with you.
Him: Whatever, if you'd rather play your stupid game like a nerd and not hang out with your friends, fine. *storms out*

It's like every time I don't feel like doing something, or I'm sick, or I just want some time to myself, people start blaming the game. Oh, sorry, I should spend my "me time" staring at the TV. I do a LOT of stuff outdoors (hiking, camping, biking) so sometimes I'd like to be inside and comfortable, thanks. I shouldn't have "come out" so to speak. If only nobody knew. :wink:

[Valas Azuviir]

but fiance's are forever.

I know what you're trying to say, but this seems off somehow. :tongue:

[Mincemaker]

I kinda feel you on the subject, but it's a bit different for me.

I've never been a gamer or anything like that, but I was curious as to what all the fuss was about, so I downloaded the trial in November. I realized I liked it, so I thought about it and decided it'd be worth buying it. But instead of spending a bunch of time online doing other crap, I replaced that with WoW, so I'm not adding another time-consuming activity, just replacing one.

My hubsand's okay with it, he doesn't bother me about playing. My younger cousin (she's 18, I'm 22) lives with us and will not shut the hell up about it, regardless of how annoyed I get. She watches Lifetime all the time. Eww. How many hours of "I'm beating you! It's building your character!" can you take? Ugh. And I've had a couple friends piss me off too - the situation that stands out to me is:

Friend barges in house, drunk: OMG YOU GOTTA COME UP TO THE BAR
Me: Dude, I'm sick and I'm saving money to go to Oregon in the spring, I can't go to the bar all the time and spend $30 on drinks and if I don't you'll bug me for not drinking there.
Him: *puts hand in front of screen while I'm in an instance group* OKAY, LOOK AWAY FROM THE GAME, YOU CAN DO IT, FIGHT THE ADDICTION!
Me: What the hell are you doing? If I were healthy and weren't saving for anything you know I'd go get wasted with you.
Him: Whatever, if you'd rather play your stupid game like a nerd and not hang out with your friends, fine. *storms out*

It's like every time I don't feel like doing something, or I'm sick, or I just want some time to myself, people start blaming the game. Oh, sorry, I should spend my "me time" staring at the TV. I do a LOT of stuff outdoors (hiking, camping, biking) so sometimes I'd like to be inside and comfortable, thanks. I shouldn't have "come out" so to speak. If only nobody knew. :wink:

Well, I suppose it is a time that you start dumping these friends of yours and get some new ones. Those who do respect your hobby, even if it's gaming. Too bad about your cousin though....

[Tikki]

Well, I suppose it is a time that you start dumping these friends of yours and get some new ones. Those who do respect your hobby, even if it's gaming.

I completely understand what you mean by surrounding yourself with people who respect you; but I can't help get the feeling that in a relationship, a person who's disgruntled with a hobby isn't disrespecting you, but yet sending signals that there's something wrong.

In any relationship you need specific couple time and specific alone time. A healthy balance of both is an important part of any successful relationship. What you choose to do in your alone time is completely up to you! If it's playing WoW, watching TV, reading a book, running, etc .. it's YOUR alone, and therefore YOU decide what you want to do. Couple time together is different. It must be agreed upon. Some couples are lucky, and they are able to spend time together playing WoW, other couples aren't.

In the end I would suggest reevaluating your couple time, and pointing out that when your partner has their alone time you don't suggest/criticism/comment on what their doing.

[Cembrelise]

I completely understand what you mean by surrounding yourself with people who respect you; but I can't help get the feeling that in a relationship, a person who's disgruntled with a hobby isn't disrespecting you, but yet sending signals that there's something wrong.

In any relationship you need specific couple time and specific alone time. A healthy balance of both is an important part of any successful relationship. What you choose to do in your alone time is completely up to you! If it's playing WoW, watching TV, reading a book, running, etc .. it's YOUR alone, and therefore YOU decide what you want to do. Couple time together is different. It must be agreed upon. Some couples are lucky, and they are able to spend time together playing WoW, other couples aren't.

In the end I would suggest reevaluating your couple time, and pointing out that when your partner has their alone time you don't suggest/criticism/comment on what their doing.

I think you misread, my husband doesn't have a problem at all with me playing. I do while he's at work - he's a bartender, so that leaves my evenings pretty dull. ;) When he gets home, computer goes off. So it hasn't been an issue. And he also doesn't bug me when I'm sick and grumpy regardless of what I'm doing. :D

It's a couple other friends and my cousin who insist on being absolute morons about it, which I've let go since I'm an easy-going bleeding-heart type. They are really good friends in all other aspects, I just don't get this odd attitude from them. Of course, one is one of those "Omg I took a course in intro psychology my freshman year of college so I totally have you and your life issues all figured out" types. Sometimes, he needs beaten.

Badly.

LF Raid Group For Beatdown On Friend. PST.

[Kodonn]

LF Raid Group For Beatdown On Friend. PST.


:laugh::laugh::laugh: Thanks. I needed that laugh this morning. :laughing:

[Tikki]

I think you misread, my husband doesn't have a problem at all with me playing. I do while he's at work - he's a bartender, so that leaves my evenings pretty dull. ;) When he gets home, computer goes off. So it hasn't been an issue. And he also doesn't bug me when I'm sick and grumpy regardless of what I'm doing. :D

It's a couple other friends and my cousin who insist on being absolute morons about it, which I've let go since I'm an easy-going bleeding-heart type. They are really good friends in all other aspects, I just don't get this odd attitude from them. Of course, one is one of those "Omg I took a course in intro psychology my freshman year of college so I totally have you and your life issues all figured out" types. Sometimes, he needs beaten.

Badly.

LF Raid Group For Beatdown On Friend. PST.


Sorry! I totally misread!

Yeah, I have to say, none of my friends know I play WoW. It's not that I deny it, it's just they would look at me like I have a third nipple on my forehead. It's sad...my friends like to party, drink, go out with guys...they turn their noses up even if I choose to stay in and relax.

People are weird.

Anyways- I apologizes for running rapid with an incorrect impression! :)

[Cembrelise]

Sorry! I totally misread!

Yeah, I have to say, none of my friends know I play WoW. It's not that I deny it, it's just they would look at me like I have a third nipple on my forehead. It's sad...my friends like to party, drink, go out with guys...they turn their noses up even if I choose to stay in and relax.

People are weird.

Anyways- I apologizes for running rapid with an incorrect impression! :)

It's fine, I knew it was an honest mistake. :wink: Jordan can spend plenty of time looking up guitar gear/hiking gear/rock climbing crap online, so he has no right to bug me as far as my time spent online.

Only a select few people know I play - I don't make it public knowledge but it's hard to hide when people walk in on you doing the deed. :x I just don't think most of them would get it. I enjoy being social just fine, but what with the cousin being here, and playing mama to her half the time, I need people to just leave me alone so I can turn things into sheep and relieve frustration. :grin:

[Tikki]

hehehe! I totally understand! I'm lucky that it's just my boyfriend and I live alone together and that he gets just as engrossed into WoW as I do!! And if he's not doing that, he's engrossed in something else! It's really great when you find someone that you can spend time with and still do your own thing!

As for friends....some people just aren't willing to try new things, or to understand how someone else would like something totally different than they do. Perhaps that's why I'm a hermit most of the time!

[piscene]

it, it's just they would look at me like I have a third nipple on my forehead.

A third nipple on your forehead? So do you normally have only 2 nipples on your forehead? :wink:

[thorleader]

Been reading Speaker for the Dead for the last couple of days. That book makes me feel strange. Been having really weird dreams too. Last night i dreamed that my head was fused to the head of the main character in Speaker for the Dead, and i shared his thoughts.

But agreed. Books > WoW.


hahaha i loved that book
books are greater than wow yes
but
nightmares are not

[Kugan]

Sorry for not replying for a while. I’ve been thinking about what everybody said, and if it is really worth it to discuss this with my fiancé.

I finally decided that you are correct, that this is my hobby (he knew that I was a gamer when we started dating, and when he asked me to marry him), and that I’m not really willing to give it up for no good reason.

So two nights ago, I explained to him that gaming is my hobby, just like watching sports in TV is his hobby. Hmmm. Turns out that watching sports is not his hobby, it’s just something he does, and gaming is a bad habit that I need to work on.

When I asked him why gaming was a bad habit, the reply was: “It can take over your life”. I pointed out that I haven’t played in more than a month, and that spending 10-15 hours per week on a hobby is hardly “losing your life”. Then I made a mistake, and asked him how he would feel if I told him that he shouldn’t watch television anymore.

“I’ll switch of the TV when you switch off your computer,” he told me. So I got up, went to my computer (that was still switched on because I was printing wedding invitations), switched it off, and switched off the TV. Just before the final – yes, I’m evil :evil:.

OK, I’m not that evil. I allowed (I dislike that word) him to watch the final, but last night the house was blissfully silent while I was reading my book (well, except for some annoying footsteps as my fiancé tried desperately to entertain himself).

This is not an ideal solution. I’m not even sure if this is a solution. It feels a bit silly – you take my toy, so I’ll take yours. Hardly the behaviour of two adults (especially two adults who are planning on getting married). But this might be a good thing. It might force him to get a real hobby (even if it is watching sports) so that he doesn’t begrudge me my hobby so much (yes, I am trying to rationalise my childish behaviour).

Either way, I’ll have to sort this out soon, even if it means giving up something I enjoy.


P.S. - I didn't realize you were female, lol maybe team up with Tikki and get further vajayjay power working in your favor. :grin:


Uhm. I think Tikki brings in enough vajayjay power for both of us:grin:

[jschild]

Best of luck to you on this Kugan. I hope that he is open minded enough to see things from your perspective. Most problems in marriages comes from the failure to understand WHY.

[Caderbery]

Good luck Kugan, hope all goes well for you.

[Kugan]

Thanks jschild, caderbury. I’m not sure if it will. He can be as strong headed as I am (one of the reasons I love him, even if it causes problems from time to time :azn:).

At the end of the day it’s not that important right now… but when the expansion comes out I’m going to be pretty upset if I can’t play it – especially since I’ve already pre-ordered it.

I guess that computer that I’ve saved money for is out of the question as well :cry:. Maybe I’ll spend it on chocolates. LOTS of chocolates... :grin:

[AnejoDave]

I had the following discussion with my fiancé.
Well there's your problem right there. Getting married. I did that once. I don't recommend it to anybody.

As for your current problem, it has a very simple solution. Go have wild passionate sex for hours on end. You can thank me later:laugh:

[Kodonn]

So two nights ago, I explained to him that gaming is my hobby, just like watching sports in TV is his hobby. Hmmm. Turns out that watching sports is not his hobby, it’s just something he does, and gaming is a bad habit that I need to work on.

When I asked him why gaming was a bad habit, the reply was: “It can take over your life”. I pointed out that I haven’t played in more than a month, and that spending 10-15 hours per week on a hobby is hardly “losing your life”. Then I made a mistake, and asked him how he would feel if I told him that he shouldn’t watch television anymore.


I'm sorry but it sounds like he is just arguing semantics and that there is something else behind his "objection".

Anything can "take over your life", if that's his way of referring to something that a person feels passionate about or really enjoys. And that includes sports. (i.e. Ever see those guys in the stands who dye their hair and paint big letters on their beer-bellies so it spells something when they all manage to stand up together?) :rolleyes: Besides, what is the point of "life" if it can't be about doing things you enjoy? Not everyone has the same perspective or expectations.

If he wants to stick to that as his objection ("that it will take over your life") then work from that. Set up some time slots that are just "me" time when you can play and he can do whatever. And agree to some concessions where you can/will forego your "me" time if something special involving the 2 of you comes up (such as a night out with friends or just a special dinner). That way you can show him that WoW doesn't control your life and that there is plenty of room for him.

I'm not a licensed councelor and I don't play one on TV :grin:, but it sure sounds like there is more involved here than just WoW. Use this as a "test case" so the 2 of you can learn how to mesh your lives together, because I can almost guarantee this won't be the last time he thinks you need to give up something because it's "taking over your life".

Like everyone else, I wish you the best Kugan and I hope that you find a solution here that works for BOTH of you.