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Old 06-06-2006, 04:30 PM   #1
Chells
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Ragebound Souls


“Joo got to be kiddin me!! I ain’t going no where with some bloody cow,” Greymuck hissed.

Sergeant Crunuk's face flushed in anger. “Shut it, troll. General says he go with you. So he go with you,” barked Crunuk. “I about had it with you crap, Muck. You better not cause me no problems.”

“Joo got plenty of problems already Pigface. Joo just too stupid ta see dem.”

Crunuk's hatred for the hunter was barely held in check on the best of days. As Greymuck knew it would, his insults pushed the orc over the edge.

“I KILL YOU, YOU SCUM!!!” Crunuk bellowed, launching himself around the fire pit.

Greymuck shifted his balance to one leg, preparing to sweep Crunik's feet from under him, hopefully toppling the orc into the fire. He never had a change to make his move. Both adversaries halted immediately as a powerful voice thundered from behind the troll.

“ENOUGH!” roared General Gormug. Greymuck had noticed someone had tromped into the tent at his back. Not wanting to take his eyes from the frothing Sergeant, he had not glanced over his shoulder to check who it was. Had someone tried to slip up on his blindside he would have worried about it. As a huge green fist wrenched him off the ground, by his throat no less, the scarred troll realized he had erred. An assassin was far less dangerous than a General. The massive orc let Greymuck slowly choke as he dealt with Crunuk first. “You weak Sergeant. You let this meat get you every time. If you can’t deal with Muck here, next time find one who can.”

“Yes General," the shamefaced orc replied. "I dismissed?”

“No. Just stand there and shut you up. Now as for you. What wrong Muck? You looking bluer than usual.”

The General’s arm was solid as a rock, holding the troll off the dirt floor. Greymuck knew that if he stretched he could get his long toes to the ground and ease grip on his neck, but that would just piss the big bastard off. Greymuck was always good at reading the wind. Better to choke a bit than have the General beat him to a bloody pulp.

“must be de altitude…… air bit thin up here…… sir” he wheezed.

The General guffawed and tossed the aside the troll. “One these days, Greymuck, you mouth get you gutted.”

“So joo say every time General," the troll croaked.

“Don’t push it." the officer rebuked, all trace of humor gone once more. "Crunuk gave you me orders. You got real reason for arguin' with them? I don’t count fact you just don’t like no-one as real reason either.”

“Dat I do General. How joo expect me ta sneak a message cross haf de land with a walking beef mountain on me tail.”

“Bet you be surprised Muck. This Tauren might able to sneak better then you. Now you gonna give me more crap or you gonna go and do what I say?”

"Knowin' joo, more crap still won't get joo ta see sense. Ookey but when he fall behind, I ain't gonna be a'waiting for him."

"Don't you worry. He keep up with you."

Greymuck was never very good at hiding his feelings and even Gormug flinched slightly from the waves of rage pouring off the tattered hunter. "Den joo might as well strap me ta de whippin' pole cause I ain't goin' no where with no cursed shaman."

"One day you realize Muck, not everyone around you is total idiot. You kill last shaman you travel with. You think I put you with another?"

The troll's animate brow rose for a moment before a grin twisted his mouth up behind his tusks. "Dis may prove ta be interestin'. First time for ev'rthin eh General? Ookey I go get de bull."

The glaring with unmasked hatred, Crunuk watched the troll depart. "What he mean by that?"

"Sergeant, Greymuck be pain in ass but cannier pain in ass you not gonna meet. He already figure out who I send north with him."

The orc chewed that over for a moment frustrated he could not see how the cursed hunter would know the tauren’s profession from that vague discussion. Giving up he asked the question he had long wanted answered. "So he smart but why you put with that dog? Everyone hate him. He bad for morale. He have no honor."

"Because one thing Greymuck better at than any in Horde I ever see. He survives. We cannot fail at this. To work I need meanest, subbornest wretch can get. The one who will not die."

"Fine General but when he get back, he die. Cause I kill him."

"That you choice Crunuk. But you make sure one thing if you do take him down. Cut his head off. If you don't, you best not sleep no more."



A few tents away a huge figure knelt on a woven rug. Most viewing him would think the Tauren was meditating but only one who knew his people well would notice the bestial cast of his features. Having shifted himself just enough to sharpen his senses Tohma Reddrum eavesdropped on the general with only a small touch of guilt. As much as he was loathed to spy on his allies, Tohma could tell there was much he was not being told about the mission he was to undertake. Orcs were not as easy to read as his own people. They were always so rash and volatile it was difficult to judge what was their normal passion and what was abnormal tension. Still Tohma could tell something was troubling the commanders. It was not just this enigmatic troll, Greymuck. He hoped that in the meeting to come his questions would be answered but the ancestor's wisdom told him such was not likely to be.

As for this hunter they were pairing him with, Tohma has his own reservations. "...Cut his head off..." kept running through his thoughts. What kind of brute did it take to make the mighty General Gormug nervous?

Then again what type of fiend would kill a holy shaman. As a druid the only ones Tohma truly felt akin with amongst the troll and orcs were the spiritual shamans. Unlike druids, they did not know the freedoms that come from shifting and physically becoming one with the natural world. Still the shamans had their own conduit to aspects of Earth Mother ythat even the druids could not surpass. Tohma always wondered what it would be like to hear the voice of the land and sky, to be able to reach out to the spirits of the ancestors and creatures of the wild. Though his gifts had marked him as druid, Tohma held a strong affection for those who walked the other hand of land's magic.

When Tohma was a small boy he had seen his grandfather die. The rocky cliff which the elder Hohamal Reddrum had been walking upon with his young grandson gave way. His grandfather hurled Tohma to safety before falling to his death. The youth had grown sick with grief and guilt, believing it was his fault his grandfather had been killed. It was the village shaman who called forth the spirit of Hohamal Reddrum. To this day Tohma still dreams of the night he spoke with his grandsire's spirit, how there was no blame only pride and love. Healed in mind and soul, thanks to arts of the shaman, the young man grew to become a powerful druid, but a few years away from day he would be awarded one of the great kodos to ride in service of the Earth Mother.



Tohma's musings were dispelled when a pair of footsteps stopped at the door of his tent.

"Heh Druid. Joo in dere?"

"Come in." replied Tohma hesitantly. With Greymuck's ominous reputation, Tohma was expecting something other a typical troll. Even so the tauren was by no means prepared for the lanky figure that stepped through the flap. Literally from head to toe Greymuck was covered in scars. Against the grey-blue skin, ash pale ridges formed webs on what flesh was visible along his arms and legs. His face was gouged from numerous encounters. One set, most likely claw marks, ran from forehead to chin, luckily spaced far enough apart to save both eyes. His neck was the worst. As hard as it was for Tohma to fathom, the grey scar patterns told the tale of not one but at least two different hangings as well a ragged stab wound. His nose must have been broken many times. Half of his left ear looked as though it had been bitten off.

Seeking something to stop him from gaping at the mangled visitor, Tohma hit upon a puzzling thought. The general had been right; somehow the troll had known he would be a druid?

"So are joo ready ta meet with de high mucky-mucks? Dey be awaiting for us."

"Of course. Let's go."

Smirking, the troll left the tent. Instead of heading straight to the general's tent, he detoured slightly towards a heavy iron cage. Usually these metal boxes where used to hold captured members of the Alliance. This one instead held the ugliest creature Tohma had ever seen. Not a wolf or coyote, but similar and incredibly savage. It snarled and lashed out at the bars holding it. Even though the cage was close to the center of the compound not one member of the Horde came within twenty feet of the cage. Greymuck on the other hand strode right up to it. Crouching down, he reached through the bars. The hyena snorted once as the troll scratched his neck then resumed growling at the orcs milling out of reach.

"Be few more minutes, boy. Joo be good."

The beast huffed once more and then lay down. "Sorry bout dat." Greymuck told Tohma. "If I dinna settle him down he mighta chewed his way out again." The tauren was about scoff at the joke when he saw how deeply the beast's jaws had scored the heavy metal bars. Whatever the Earth Mother had planned for him, She surely picked the most unusual of companions.
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Old 06-06-2006, 04:53 PM   #2
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Hey All
This is my first attempt at writing a fan fiction. If I make any major faux-pas hopefully someone will point them out to me.
This is chapter 1 of 15. Usually when I write I just let the story carry me where it will. This time the whole concept hit me and so I know exactly where this is going to end up. Hopefully I can make getting there an enjoyable read.

Couple things I'd love input on.
First is the racial speech patterns. I like them for Greymuck (especially later on) but the beginning of the story is hard to read because of them. The story starts out very heavy with the orcs speaking broken English and Greymuck’s island drawl but it tapers off as we move on (I'm working of chapter 5 now but 2-4 need to be polished before posting). So what’s the verdict; switch to normal English, leave as is or just tone it down some?
Secondly, I embarrassed to say but I really cannot come up with a title for the story I like. Suggestions are more that welcome. Probably be better to get them one story progresses but I’ll take whatever ideas people have. There has got to something better than the dozens I’ve discarded.

Hope you enjoy
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Old 12-06-2006, 07:09 PM   #3
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Post Chapter 2


Greymuck hated these woods. He had never been truly comfortable in the deserts of Kalidor even though he had spent most of his adult life in the wastelands between Ogrimmar, Steamwheedle Port and the Shadowprey Village. They were too bright and dry. Jungles and the deep forests spoke to him more deeply. He could have come back home to tropical Vale anytime but there were too many painful memories tied to the lush jungle. Ashenvale might habe become a comfortable spot to abide but the he had not spent long there. He convinced himself the reason he left was due to the degenerate elves and ceaseless logging by the Horde. If he being was honest with himself he would have admitted he did not want to settle down anywhere. He had had a home once. One that could not be replaced.

The warped nagas along Zoram Strand were bad enough but they were a small corruption of the world compared to this place. This twisted land repelled him. While Duskwood was by no means the barren dry lands he had known across the ocean, he would have happily laid waste to it if he could. The land was sick. Cool shade became vile gloom here. The creatures of the wood had been corrupted, mutating them into monstrosities. Undeath seeped from every aspect of nature.

It figured that humans would choose to abide in this diseased forest.

"Never shoulda let dat orc talk me inta crossin' da ocean. Nothin' good ever comes to us here any more eh Aiya?”, mumbled the troll. The spotted cat at his side gave him a quizzical look. Greymuck glared back at the shifted tauren with such rancor the cheetah turned away quickly and sprinted further to the front. Greymuck scowled after him. The stupid cow had better learn soon to mind his own business.

Tohma loped ahead of Greymuck, keeping the troll between him and Zeabos. Greymuck alone would have made the tauren edgy. He was more vicious than any orc. His moods at best were hostile; usually they were murderous. The hunter hadn't threatened to kill hiim yet today but Tohma felt as though any error in dealing with the troll could very well land him into a fight for his life. Taurens interacted with one another far differently than their allies among the Horde. Tohma had often seen the other races bully and tussle, swearing violence upon each other. More often than not the orcs and trolls were just blustering, like young wolves in a pack. There was no such false posturing with Greymuck. If Tohma truly angered the scared tracker, which seemed far too easy to do, Greymuck would murder him without hesitation.

Even so the druid could have handled the tension between himself and the troll. The hyena was a nightmare incarnate. Twoe days ago the three of them left Grom'Gol. Tohma shifted into his cheetah form and set off in the lead. Seconds after the stockade vanished behind the trees, he was smashed to the ground. Searing pain ripped into his shoulders. Blood and saliva sprayed the trail as Zeabos tore a huge chuck of flesh from his back. A few more seconds and those jaws would have crushed his spine. Most hunters call off their partners with a command. Greymuck tackled his. The beast was clearly stronger and probably heavier but the troll wrestled the hyena to the ground, speaking in his jungle dialect the whole time. Zeabos laid not one claw on Greymuck in all the time it flailed and lunged to finish off the tauren. Eventually it settled down growling deeply but no longer seeking to resume its attack.

"Joo gonna live Bull?", was all the troll said.

"Earth Mother Preserve Me! What was that for?"

"He usually betta behaved. Zeabos know the difference between enemy an a nuisance. He was just makin' sure joo get left behind. Is my fault. I shoulda known he was gonna try someting. So you done? He took petty big hunk outta joo back. Joo head back ta Grom'Gol. I'm sure dey understand. Nobody likes ol' Greymuck an his mutt anaway."

"Rot on you, troll.", thundered the tauren's deep voice. "What you and your cur want don't matter. It was my Chief's wishes for me to go with you and there is nothing you or Zeabos can do to stop me." Tohma immediately felt stupid for blurting out such an inane response but the pain in his shoulder had swamped his reason. Greymuck on the other hand smiled.

"So joo do got some balls under dat kilt. Was beginnin' ta wonder what kinda milksop I been paired wit. Can joo heal joo wound or do joo need me ta bandage it up?"

Tohma grounded himself and felt a rush of life pour from the thick jungle. So dense was the vegetation and insects swarms he only needed the tiniest fraction from any one being. Still it took three drawings to close the wound. Even then he would need to keep applying rejuvenation to fully heal the bite.

"Joo better leech poisons as well druid. Mangy boy here got a mouth worse den a sewer.", Greymuck remarked chuckling. Tohma barely contained his ire. Druids understood the need to balance one's emotions more than any craft but this was almost too much. The troll was joking about Tohma's near crippling by his beast. Even so the tauren took his advice before reverting once more to his fleet feline form and bounding north alone.

"Well I can't say joo dinna try boy. Looks like da cow ain't such simp as we thought.

The past few days suited Greymuck just fine. Still angry about Zeabos, the druid spoke only when he had to. The hunter was more used to leading than following, but it was nice to let someone else break the trail for a change. It gave him time to think about the mission he had been given. On the surface it seemed a simple enough task. Deliver a message to Warlord Goretooth in the Badlands. Yet there were too many oddities to dismiss this as a simple communiqué run. The first red flag was the fact that Tohma and he were forbidden to take to the air. A wind rider could perform this task in a day instead of the weeks it would take the druid and he to cover the same distance. Another incongruity was that a message from a general to his warlord was being placed in the hands of two un-mounted grunts. Lastly Greymuck knew that Gormug only used him when he had some particularly dire task that needed to be performed. Springing ambushes, infiltrating enemy camps, poison supplies, assassinations, these were Greymuck’s bread and butter. Being a courier was clearly not. All this added up to one conclusion. Some enemy was looking for this packet. Someone with a lot of resources. Enough to watch the Wind Rider Masters and Airship sites and well as be able to tail mounted warriors. So what manner of missive warranted this degree of camouflage? More importantly, what manner of enemy could have spooked the Horde's high officers so?

A hundred feet in front of the troll, some of the same concerns spun through Tohma's head as he ran through the gloom-filled landscape of Duskwood. Between his thoughts and his attention on what might lurk in front of him, he did not notice the mottled form streak up to his flank. The deep growl came from so close behind his ear, Tohma whipped his head to the side only to face the slavering maw and fetid breath of the hyena. Thrown off balance, the druid's paw caught in the turf, sending him somersaulting tail over muzzle. His speed was such that he tumbled a half a dozen times and skidded along the forest floor for many yards more before finally halting. After shaking the dirt and torn grass from his ears and nose, Tohma realized the woods were filled with two voices hooting with laughter. Greymuck was doubled over, chortling madly. Zeabos wiggled with glee, yipping in such a way that it sounded as if the beast was laughing as well. More disturbingly, the hyena danced as though it might pounce any second for what it would surely consider play. Tohma had no doubt he would find "playing" with Zeabos far more painful than fun.

Returning to his true form forestalled that chilling occurrence. It gave him his voice as well. "Knock it off you two. This is Alliance lands." he rumbled. "You want a troop of them to come investigate what demons are cackling in their woods."

"Pahh, let dem come. Dat was de best laugh I had in a long time...... Whoever said kitties always land dey feet never did see joo flyin' ass over end. Dat was de most.... " started the troll before dissolving once more into peels mirth.

"I'm glad to amuse you so. Now can you keep it down and tell me why Zeabos was growling in my ear."

"Joo shoulda seen jooself... Oh stop joo scowlin' 'Dere ain't much garrisoned out we be needing to worry about... Joo gotta admit that was hysterical. Okay Okay. I sent joker here up to tell ya we be campin' up on dat ridge. Follow me oh clumsy one."

Tohma shook his head and tagged along after the snickering lunatic he was stuck with. The spot to which Greymuck lead him was a deep fold in the hills. "Nobody see us here. Why don't joo go bring down some of dem wolves out dere. I'll make us a bit o fire and cook em up when joo get back."

"Fair enough." replied the tauren strangely puzzled. This was side of the troll he had not seen before. Co-operation? Still, who was he to argue with the first civility had yet received. After drawing strength from the earth, a horned bear ambled away among the trees. Greymuck was right in that not much outside the town of Darkshire was any real threat. He brought down a three wolves in moments taking barely a scratch in the process. When he return to the campsite he found Greymuck had a small fire going. The troll took the carcasses from Tohma. In moments he had them skinned and butchered. The smell of seasoned meat soon filled the hollow. Greymuck shared out the food, taking far less that either the Tauren or Zaebos.

To Tohma's surprise the food was delicious. The succulent meal was so out of place coming from the vile-tempered troll, Tohma completely forgot his reservations. "This is excellent, Greymuck. The best meal I've eaten in weeks."

"Tanks. Dis is nuting. Wait till joo try my gumbo. Now dat will put some hair on joo chest..... well in joo case, way more hair."

Tohma couldn't help but chuckle. For the next hour he managed to keep to safe subjects. About leather working he found there was almost nothing the troll did not know. He showed Tohma how he had created his breastplate from the scales of the scorpids that lived in the desserts of Tanaris. The work was impeccably done.

"I have never seen a hunter without a mount wear mail before. Why is it that you are not a rider?"

"Too much hassle, mon. Raptors an me ain't never gotten along too well. I figure I keep doing jobs for dem orcs and deh let me have one of dem wolves someday. Now that be someting, wouldn't it? Crunuk'ed have fit seein' old Muck here on one dose saggy brutes."

"I think Sergeant Crunuk would have a fit over just about anything concerning you. Why does he hate you so?"

"Dat be tale for some other day. We be leavin' early tomorrow so joo best get some rest. I'll be back inna bit."

Tohma cursed himself as watched the hunter slip into the dark wood. He had been careful to avoid any topic that might set the troll off and then had gone and asked him about the Sergeant. Dumb. The druid shifted once more into his ursine form as it was the most comfortable body to sleep in. As he closed his eyes he realized that even with the slip about Crunuk, this evening had been the amiable the troll had ever been. Maybe he wasn't such a savage after all.



An anguished scream tore Tohma from his sleep. At first the druid thought it might be Greymuck but the voice even distorted by torment was clearly not his companion's. He tried to locate the direction from which the cries issued from but the hills rebounded them into a string of horrid echoes. Double shifting always made him a bit dizzy but he needed the sharper senses of his cat form and the ability to remain unseen while spying out the disturbance might be needed. By the time he reached level ground the shrieks had stopped but by then Tohma was pretty sure he had a fix on their place of origin. He was sure when he caught a glimpse of a fire winking through the trees not a dozen yards further away.

When Tohma reached the small clearing he was horrified by what he beheld. A human was nailed to a large tree so his feet could just touch the ground though for some reason the victim was holding his legs off the soil. A dozen arrows pierced the man's arms, shoulders and even hips. Each wound looked as though it had been cauterized to stop the human from bleeding to death. Many more arrows were driven through his clothing and armor, more than enough to bear his weight. Even what attire was not pierced by arrows was tattered. The man's leather armor had sliced open revealing cuts and burns across his stomach, chest and legs. The worst was the victim's face. One eye was gone, as was his nose. Tohma could clearly see the human's rear teeth clenching and unclenching in agony through the gapping hole where one cheek had been.

"What are you doing?!!" cried the druid in his Tauren form.

"Ahh mon. Joo just in time for de best part. He goona let dem legs drop any second."

"Stop this. This is heinous."

"Back off cow!” snarled the troll. “Joo do not wanna be gettin' in me way just now. I been wid-out sport for far longer than I care te be an joo ain't gonna ruin it now."

"But ..."

"SHhh. Here he goes." Tohma watched as the exhausted man's feet brushed the ground. As the victim's boots touched down a blast of fire erupted from the leaves. The human shrieked again as the column of flames engulfed his body while the troll cackled with insane mirth. "Fire Traps. Gotta love em, ehh mon?"

"Why....? Why would you do such a thing?"

"Dat is what I do, Tohma. I make dem suffer. I kill. It's what I good at." Greymuck swung his bow off his back and drew an arrow. "It's what I live for." With a wet thunk the arrow ripped through the man's thigh and deep into the tree. "I kill dwarves cause I tired of drinkin' da poisons dey dump into da streams and breathin da smoke dey fill da air with.

"I kill da gnomes for most of de same reasons but also cause de little freaks give me de creeps." Thock.

"I kill elves 'cause arrogance an stupidity are too dangerous a combination to let dem live." Thock.

"I kill undead cause "

"You cannot!!! They are our allies!!!"

"Bah! Joo cannot be dat dim. Joo really tink dey will still be our chums when we win dis war. Tink cow. We not dere friends. We just food once de Alliance be gone."

"So what about this one? What did the humans harm to deserve this?"

"EVERYTHING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" screamed the mad troll. Froth sprayed from his lips while the deeps scars that crisscorsed his face flared crimson. Tohma recoiled thinking the berserk hunter was about to turn on him as well. Instead the troll scooped an axe off the ground. He jumped forward in spinning move that ripped the open the human's abdomen. The sound the man's entrails made when they hit the ground caused Tohma to retch. Greymuck was too enraged to stop. He finished the spin by burying the axe blade in the man's skull.

The last stroke was a mercy blow though the tauren knew it sprang from madness not mercy. , Still, the sight of the human’s split head revulsed the druid completely. He fled the glade before having to witness any further atrocities. Back at the campsite he was at a loss. He could not bear to face the gore coated murder yet he knew he was honor bound to accompany him north. Tohma stared at the smoldering embers, waiting in dread. The night inched past and still Greymuck did not return. When his heart finally slowed, Tohma found he was exhausted. Horror had taken from him more strength than a dozen shifts would have. He was determined not to nod off. There was no telling how bad his dreams would be. Worse yet the insane troll was still skulking out there. Somewhere.

Tohma bolted upright. Daylight barely pierced the murk filled woods but when he was able to find the sun Tohma realized the day was nearly half done. He rose with a groan. Through he slept the equivalent of a full night, he felt anything but rested. Then he noticed the campsite. Greymuck's gear was gone. In a fog Tohma gathered up his belongings and shifted. He picked up Zeabos' scent almost immediately. Shadowing the north-east running road, the sickened druid set off after them.
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Old 12-06-2006, 07:36 PM   #4
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Too long didn't read.


^ thats a joke, very nice and well written, I especially like the dialect for the trolls, good job with that (im half jamaican so take it from me as being good lol).
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Old 12-06-2006, 07:40 PM   #5
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I guess I wasn’t clear last time. I am looking for feedback here. Usually when my friends and I write we critique each others work, pull it apart, make suggestions and so make the whole finished product that much better. Unfortunately none of them play WoW.

I’ll post the next couple chapters here but if there is still little to no input provided by the readers I don’t see a reason to continue with the story on this forum.

Last edited by Chells; 12-06-2006 at 07:51 PM..
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Old 12-06-2006, 07:45 PM   #6
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LOL. Thx One.
Would you know that as soon as you make a post bemoaning the lack of responces, you find you've gotten one in the time it took you to write the lament.

I hope too long not a problem though. Next one is longer than both of the first two combined.

Last edited by Chells; 12-06-2006 at 07:48 PM..
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Old 13-06-2006, 10:43 PM   #7
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Greymuck is insane, isn't he?
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Old 13-06-2006, 11:08 PM   #8
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Alright, alright, I'll critique it. You aren't leaving me hanging.

First off, I really enjoy the level of mystery you have around everything, while at the same time maintaining a fantastic level of action. A person is left with numerous questions from this story. Because of this fact, I want you to finish it, because I want answers.

One complaint I do have is the number of exclamation marks you have after Greymuck's scream of "everything." I find that a person should not have more then three exclamation points. 30 is way too many.

I do enjoy the troll accent, but I do have a complaint about the orcs. Why would they be speaking broken english, and not Orcish? I just find that rather odd that the orcs would speak a foreign tongue and not their own.

My final remark is actually a few questions. Mostly, they are about Greymuck. I expect that things like why he killed a shaman, or all his scars, or how he knew that he would be working with Tohma will be answered later on.

I normally make a couple remarks on certain stories, unless they're really bad or really good. Your story is one of the best I've seen in a long time. A fantastic plot, the perfect anti-hero as its focus, and it looks like the person who wrote actually tried to use spell check. Some of the stories I've read, particularly when I first started up my account, had such abominable grammar and spelling errors I couldn't even read them. I usually don't make a big deal out of such things because it bothers me when the length of someones grammar critiques is greater then the story itself.

I hope this will convince you to a) continue writing the story, and b) read mine, and offer some critism. I swear, not one person has said anything about it, and it's driving me as insane as Greymuck.
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Old 14-06-2006, 02:43 PM   #9
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Thanks Tor Varr. Input is what makes this worthwhile (otherwise would have left on my PC and not presented it to public )

I had been reading Mr Teatime's. Hadn't finished yet so have not left him a post. I'll switch over at lunch today and check yours out and give you some feedback.

Responses to your questions and suggestions. Yeah multiple exclamation points have become a bad habit for me. Thx.

Broken English = Orcish, not exactly what I meant. I was describing the orcish speak patterns in game which is sort of broken english whereas the troll are Jamacian sounding. In the story the orcs would be Horde common.

Why he killed the shaman is coming soon. Scars too. How he knew he would be travelling with a druid was a matter of deduction. The point I was making was how fast Greymuck got there. For the reader its a bit of a cheat because the final fact doesn't show up until chapter 2 (Unmounted).

Thanks again. I should have chapter 3 cleaned up by the end of the week.
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Old 14-06-2006, 08:08 PM   #10
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Part 1
Greymuck watched the humans mill around by the bridge. For the dozenth time he contemplated how much fun it would be to kill them all. The Gryphon Master would have to be avoided. Other than that Greymuck was pretty sure he could slay every other one of the wretched creatures in a single night. The trick was to get the priests first. Not that it wasn’t fun to kill the same human twice or even three times but it made wiping out a town a lot slower. This close to the scum’s capital city he doubted he would have time to get them all if any got away to call re-enforcements.

Unfortunately the genocide of Lakeshire could only be a pleasant dream. Greymuck was no bootlicker like Crunuk but he followed those orders he knew were important. The packet for Goretooth obviously was one of those commands that ranked high on the "don’t screw around" list. Besides if for some reason Lakeshire was more than he could tackle, he knew he shouldn’t stir up a hornet’s nest before the druid made it through.

Thinking about the tauren a few leagues behind him dropped Greymuck’s spirits again. “Damn de cow.”, he growled. Greymuck knew who he was and he was fine with what he had become. Remorseless, merciless; a perfect killer. Yet the druid kept making him feel ashamed somehow. It had to be the bull’s overwhelming naive sense of … what. Honor …maybe. Not the orc’s bogus honor codes. Those were just tools for obedience and self-gratification. No. The tauren actually cared. He was, of all things, decent. Why they had paired such a child to one like him defied logic. Even accounting for the inanities of the High Command, one did not yoke a sheep and a wolf together. It distracts the wolf.

Greymuck felt his anger building. He should have let Zaebos shred the big ox. If anyone had a reason to torment the men of Azeroth, it was he. No damn tree-hugging, fur-faced, milk-sop was going to make him change. Even as Greymuck seethed, the scarred troll knew he was full of dung. The stupid moose was getting to him. Greymuck turned away from the town. “Damn de cow.”

Miles away Tohma had also chosen to rest for a moment. He knew was far more tired than he should be. Despondency was slowing sapping his strength. He had reached the strange transitional region between the dry lands ahead and the warped forests of Duskwood. Here on the cusp of the Redridge Mountains the land was healthy. The grasses were bright and green. A gurgling river sparkled in the setting sunlight. The dispirited tauren drank in the vibrance but still his mind lay wrapped in a cocoon of dull misery. "How could I be tied to such a monster?" he asked himself again. That question had been running over and over through his mind since he had witnessed the troll's brutalization of the human. Tohma understood they were at war with these men and their allies. Battle was one thing. The gruesome torture Greymuck had inflicted was by far something else. Someone more self-absorbed than Tohma might not have gotten past the thought of why they were bound to such a fiend. The tauren on the other hand had seen there was more to Greymuck’s story than just his psychopathic rage. So every few minutes a second question tumbling across his mind, one which he knew he could never ask. "What could have made him hate them so?"

Deep within the earth, the great spirit of world felt the young druid’s pain. The Earth Mother had drawn him to stop in this place of natural beauty for She knew it would ease his heart, if only a fraction. In time the noble tauren would heal and She wished greatly She could lend speed to that time. To know Greymuck's tale would do much to help Tohma understand. With understanding would come acceptance for his harsh companion.
In many ways it was not Her tale to tell but to each broken thing there must come a time to mend. The druid would never be able to do so in time without Her. Slipping into Tohma's meditiations, here is the story She unfolded to Her young disciple.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

In the teeming jungles of the Stranglethorn Vale exist the trolls of the Bloodscalp clan. Dwelling among the ruins north of Grom'Gol and west of Lake Nazferiti, they built their homes and lived their lives on the steep terraces of that region. Among them grew the youth who one day would become the hunter Greymuck. Even as a babe, the child then known as Jal'zua was somewhat different from his peers. Like his great-grandfather, Rukyshka, his skin was a dark dusky blue rather than the bright-sky shade of his tribemates. It was said that a number of his other ancestors also had been born with the deeper grey blue flesh. Each of them had become a powerful WitchDoctor. When Jal'zua was a child, the WitchDoctor of the clan was named Nezzliok. He was skilled but did not have the depths of power Rukyshka or any of his legendary forefathers had. He came to see the troll-kit as a threat, one who would someday usurp his place as the spiritual leader of the Bloodscalp trolls. At any opportunity he would ridicule Jal'zua, making him look weak or incompetent. He spread poison tales into the ears of Gan'zulah, the clan chief. His venom turned the other young unblooded trolls against the boy. Even his own parents began to spurn him, eventually evicting him from their hut. Soon Jal'zua was virtually an outsider to his own tribe.

The only exception was Kio'Aiya. She and Jal'zua had been born the same day. Her father was the leader of the clan's headhunters. Early on when Nezzliok first began his plot against the youth, Hari'vaku forbad his daughter to associate with the outcast, but Kio'Aiya had a way about her. Time and again she showed that Jal'zua was not what the WitchDoctor portrayed him as. He was strong and able. He was smarter than any of the unblooded. Hari'vaku finally saw she spoke truly. While he would not cross his tribe's mystic leader directly, he let his hunters know that Jal'zua was not to be treated unfairly. As the headhunters were the most powerful warriors in the tribe, the lesser bands were leery of tormenting the boy too thoroughly. So while Jal'zua was never welcome in any of their homes, at least he was not in danger of being slain by his clanmates.

Before Jal'zua had reached the age of adulthood he left the ruins of Zul’Kunda and stealthfully made his way up the river. For three weeks he avoided the crocolisks and the sharptoothed frenzies of the Vale, the coyotes of Westfall and the wolves of Duskwood until he reached the Elwynn Forest. There he stalked the gnolls that lurked in the southern fridge of the human lands. He watched the shaggy brutes fight with the pale humanoids and learned their strengths and weaknesses. Three days later he stood over his first kill. First he bound his wounds. One of these would be the first of many scars he would one day wear. The gnoll having been much stronger than the troll-kit had landed a punishing blow to Jal'zua upper arm just as the youth drove his knife into the creature's heart. He cut the head of gnoll from its body and wrapped it tightly in an oilskin. Once he was sure no blood traces would leak to attract the southern predators, he returned to the rivers and his people.

He was now a blooded member of the clan and so could join one of the bands and choose a wife. Nezzliok was outraged. No troll made that journey at such a young age and never in the tribe’s history had a kit done so alone. Unusually a band of scouts would lead a troop of youths into Westfall or Duskwood to make the kill of a humanoid or undead that would make them an adult. By separating Jal'zua from his parents, who would have forbidden such a foolhardy act, Nezzliok had actually increased the kit's stature rather than diminish it.

So great was Nezzliok ire that he decided once and for all to rid himself of the threat Jal’zua posed. The next day the WitchDoctor summoned the young troll to him. Standing on the edge of the highest terrace he asked to see the blade that earned the boy his trollhood. For so long Jal’zua had hungered for acceptance from the WitchDoctor that he pushed aside the suspicions he felt and drew the dagger for the mystic to see. No sooner had the hunting blade left its scabbard than Nezzliok cried out. “How dare joo challenge me, joo impudent whelp!” The trolls all turned to see Jal’zua banishing a bare blade against the WitchDoctor. Many of them felt that, given the youth’s heritage, such a challenge was due someday but all were appalled that a mere child dared to confront Nezzliok at such a foolishly young age. Nezzliok unleashed a torrent of black flames that hurled the boy off the wall. The WitchDoctor leapt down after him, fully expecting to find a charred corpse. To his horror not only was the boy still alive, his mage fire had barely scorched the wretched youth. That blast would have killed a full grown adult. Already the outcast had an instinctive level control over the voodoo magic. Nezzliok attacked relentlessly. He battered the young troll all across the ruin yet he was unable to crush the whelp’s heart.

In the end Gan'zulah called WitchDoctor off. Jal’zua was bleeding and in great pain but still the boy managed to stand before the chief. Gan'zulah finally accepted that there was more to the youth that he had ever given credit to. Regardlessly there were only two recourses open to him. Either Jal’zua would have to be put to death or banished. Any other day the choice would have been easy but after seeing Nezzliok unleash his greatest might and still fail to slay the troll Gan'zulah declared Jal’zua exiled. The young troll said nothing. He merely bowed his head and turned to gather the few belongings he had stashed in the hollow he had lived in for the past few years.

As he turned to leave he found himself face to face with Hari'vaku. “Would joo have asked for her?” the headhunter asked.

“Yah Hari'vaku, I would have. But not now. She deserves better dan dis.”

“Are joo calling my daughter weak, joo little runt!” the red-haired troll bellowed. “Joo thik any child o’ mine could not survive. Even paired to a wretched mongrel as jooself?”

Jal’zua, for the first time in his life, was truly dumbstruck. He knew Aiya was the strongest willed troll he had ever known but was her father really willing to thrust his child into the harsh life of a cast-out. He looked to his only friend as saw in her eyes that she too loved him as much as he always had loved her. Still he had little hope he could stay alive without the protection of his clan. He would rather die than see Aiya come to any harm.

Before he could speak, Hari'vaku whispered to him. “Do not cross karma, boy. Joo two were meant to be.” So the young troll masked his features. He turned back to Hari'vaku and spat out, “Fine if she can keep up she can be me wife.”

Hari'vaku flattened Jal’zua with one blow but it was only for show. The youth knew had the headhunter wanted to, he could have maimed him with that punch. “Kio. Joo goona go wit dis trash, joo best not let meh see joo face ever again. Go joo two. Joo not welcome in Zul’Kunda no more.”

Kio'Aiya’s only regret was not being able to hug her father for give her her life with Jal’zua. The two headed north. Jal’zua taught her to avoid the basilisks and crocs. Higher and higher into the mountains they climbed. Time and again the two were turned back from a slope they could not surmount. Living off parrot meat and snake eggs, they kept searching until finally they found a pass. On the high cliffs, woven into the very top of the jungle canopy, Jal’zua and Kio'Aiya built a home.

For the first time in his life the troll belonged somewhere. Aiya was his equal in all things. They learned to hunt together. They wove the rugs that made up the bed they shared and hung on the walls to keep out the chilly mountain air. The hut, anchored in the trees as much as the rocks, was built by them side by side.

This is not to say that neither had strengths the other did not possess. Merely that they meshed their skills so fully that together they were more than a match for the predators that stalked the Westfall plains on the other side of the their mountain. Someday they would be able to tackle the greater beasts that dwelled in the jungle below them, but that day was far off.

Kio’Aiya was a truly gifted in the ways of healing. This was good since at first Jal’zua rarely made a kill without getting himself fairly battered in the process. Her hands sealed his countless wounds and invariably her healings ended in passion. She saw no reason to stop touching her lover once his pains had eased.

Jal’zua on the other hand had a gift for reading his prey. His instincts were uncanny. He could sense when animals or men were close by. He could stalk even the sharp nosed coyotes without alerting them to his presence. In time he fashioned a bow for himself and found he could lure his prey into traps. His favorite trick was to find a near inaccessible perch and draw his opponents to himself with a steady stream of arrows. By the time they were too close for the young troll to use his bow anymore, they were so badly wounded the youth had little trouble finishing them off.

Before long the two outcasts be came three. Mer’Ja was born with her mother’s beauty and her father’s dusky skinned legacy of power. She was the joy that finally healed the wounds Jal’zua had suffered from his people’s rejection. He swore he would never treat her the way his kin had treated him. She would be loved and she would know always that she was wanted.

The brother that joined them shortly after was just as loved though the little monster did everything possible to test that bound. Queekek was sweet and caring child without an iota of common sense. He climbed out into the jungle canopy when he was just two years old. Jal’zua found him dropping leaves and watching the spiral down hundreds of feet to the earth below. The kit was perched on branches so thin his father could not even come within ten yards of babe. His favorite toy finally enticed the toddler back; though not before his mother suffer several near heart attacks. No crib could hold him. No barricade could prevent him from the fire pit or his parent’s weapons. No leash could keep him close. The only reason the little fiend lived (beside his parent’s inconceivable patience) was that kismet must have truly loved the kit as well. Queekek had the luck of the gods.

And so the four trolls were complete, hidden with each other at the top of the world. Were in not for a single act of kindness, Greymuck would never have existed and Jal’zua would still be the father who loved his family more than all the stars in the night sky.

When Queekek was six years old his father would often take the kit with him when he patrolled the cliff passes that lead down into Westfall. For more than a decade now no-one had figure out the tricks to reaching his sanctuary but once a week the father and son would look for signs that any humans or gnolls had tried. The western most edge of the peaks looked down on a small farm. It was barely more than a garden and small house tucked onto a ledge overlooking the ocean. They had no livestock but they seemed to live well enough. The male worked with metal while the female tended to the garden. Quite often though, the man would travel with his wares leaving the woman alone.

While there was no way to climb up from this point, Jal’zua often spied down on his only neighbors. Mostly for curiosity but in a strange way he had a soft spot for this other pair of loners. Besides he did owe them a small debt. Most of the plants grown in Aiya’s little vegetables patch came from seeds swiped from these humans, a few at a time over the years.

That one day the troll knew something was wrong long before he reached the edge. He ran to the precipice to see a pair of gnolls battering at the door of the farmhouse. There was no way to could get a shot at them from his vantage point. He yelled a Queekek to run home and tell his mother before leaping to a ledge below. Two more bounds and he was down. He stayed out of sight of the human and began to shoot. One of the brutes charged him but a gun shot through the window grazed its skull stunning it. In tandem Jal’zua and the woman reduced the gnoll to a bleeding corpse. The second creature had almost sundered the front door. It reached in through the break, trying to fish the bar off its staples. Its efforts yielded only a blast from the woman’s gun right to its nose. Jal’zua laughed and began to fill its shaggy back with arrows. So enraged was the creature that by the time it realized the troll was doing far more damage to it that the woman had, it was just about dead.

Jal’zua quickly realized he had best vanish. He dove behind the farm’s water tower, nearly skidding right off the edge of the cliff and into the ocean below. A final shot rang out and the gnoll dropped. The woman, who was called Daf’ni by her man, stepped out of the house.

“Hello?” she called. Jal’zua had no idea what it meant. He just hoped he could remain hidden. For a long time the female prowled around but as luck wound have it she never ventured more that a few yards from her home. She looked at his arrows and found the spot where he had jumped down from the cliff. When her eyes turned upward, Jal’zua’s heart sank. Eventually she returned inside and the troll sprinted for hills that would hide his departure.

He threw himself over the first rise grateful to be out of sight when he heard the sharp retort. A blast of pain and force slammed into his shoulder knocking him from his feet. He turned and saw the human woman he had just saved looking at him venomously as she reloaded her weapon. Jal’zua did not hesitate. He ran as fast as he could, sweat from the pain pouring off him along with the blood from his wound. He sprinted past an old mine entrance and skirted the edge of the human bandit town. He wanted to cover as much ground as he could before turning towards home. He was tempted to try and make the treacherous climb behind the gnoll encampments but one he worried that the brutes might pick up his blood trail. Also he doubted he could make it with just one arm. So he kept going until after he had passed the tower with its horrid undead patrols. There in the grassy strip by the river he finally began to ascend. Weak from blood loss he made it to the huge tree that marked the boundary between the jungle and the plains and realized he could go no further.

He awoke to find Aiya's warm touch leeching the pain from him. "Don't cho move Love. Joo be in baaad shape." His wife poured strength into his body while she told him of their search for him. "When Quee told me joo had gone jumped off dee cliff I almost dinna believe him. Stoopid joo be, Me Love. So I left him wit his sista an came a lookin' for joo. Got plenty worried when joo was not at any of the passes. Joo would be out here all night if not for Ja. She told me right where to find joo. Her juju be gettin' stronger everyday. When you not such a mess we gonna have to talk about findin' her a teacher."

"Not Nezzliok," He muttered still a bit shaky.

"Oh course not Nezzliok, dolt. But dat means we need to find us a tribe dat will take in a family of Bloodscalp exiles. Dat enough will be a chore. Now let's get joo home." Kio'Aiya helped Jal'zua up the first rough stretch and then merely held his hand in comfort the rest of the way to thier cottage in the clouds.
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