The Arena

[Niderin]

Hello this is my first Fan fiction I don’t have Microsoft word so I don’t want hear any **** about my spelling. I would love to have comments about my writing good and bad to improve it. Also id like to thank my guild member who's names i used also I don’t want hear any bull from you guys.
.The main character is Niderin he is a Mage from Dalarn he fought the scourge when Arthas invaded the city he was one of the few people to escape the carnage. He now travels with a group of traveling mercenaries.




Niderin was traveling on the trail made centuries ago by trolls of the By Guribashie Empire centuries ago in Stranglethorn Vale. He was in a group of other adventures who had banded themselves together and are operating as mercenaries. They were making their way to the old gladiator arena built by those same trolls. The arena is now a a sporting ground for the Bloodsail Buccaneers to have adventurers fight over a chest filled with treasure. All of the group are veterans of some battle and are well versed in their fighting style. Jagex our Night Elf Hunter was part of the Alliances main army and left as a commander he had fought many battles in Warsong gulch, Athari Basin and Alterac Valley. He is well equipped in armor from his fighting days in the Alliance. He also has a pair of epic fist weapons he got when he was in a raid in Zul Grubb when we were higherd by the Zandalrin tribe. The fist weapons allow him to to call upon the power primal gods. Estella our human priest had been a trained by the church of Stormwind she was on the battle fronts healing and casting down demons during the Burning Legion invasion. Dibz is the groups human Paladin. He and Estella had been friends growing up together and they trained in the church. Are warrior Dreadfury (no one knows how he got his name) has been a mercenary most of his life he has worked for mostly for the Steamwiddle Cartel. I have been with this band mercenaries since i joined up with them in Alterac Mountains to get a family heirloom a iera actually for a noble who was paying handsomely for me to get it back from the goers. I myself am i powerful mage most of my armor is of the soupier class with a few of the rare epics from my raids in Zul Grub.

As we made are way down to the Guribashi arena the band was talking about some of their childhoods when a troll raiding party attacked. Dibz took a blow to the head from a trolls mace and went down. Jagex took careful aim at with his bow and shot. The arrow took one troll in the eye and went all the way up into the fletching. As I started casting a fireball at one troll fighting Dreadfury a troll jumped in front of me and slashed at me with his axe. Luckily I had cast my ice armor spell and the armor took the brunt and froze the troll a little bit witch slowed it down but I still got a long gash across my chest as he rose his axe to strike again but before he could bring it down I cast a fire blast into the trolls face its face. Its face a blackened mess it swung wildly. I stabbed it in the chest with my epic dagger it cut threw the chain mail like butter. The troll screamed and fell to the ground dead. As I got up and looked around I noticed several trolls starting the circle around the party of fighters and I realized we were out numbered. After Dreadfury finished off his troll I yelled at everyone to huddle together as the trolls gathered close eager for the kill. While they closed in I concentrated on my casting as they raised their blades a wall of pure magic burst from me it passed through the band of mercenaries without harming them but the trolls were thrown backwards like rag dolls as I had used arcan explosion using pure magic from the twisted nether to use against my enimies. Most died of broken skulls and necks but the ones furthest from the blast were knocked unconscious. We tied up the live ones and after we striped them of anything valuable and started looting the dead. Dibz turned out to be alright his helm saved him from a cracked skull. Estella went about tending to are wounds. She healed the gash across my chest and the wounds of the others. We acquired a few gold pieces worth of silver and took 2 enchanted weapons and we left. We continued are trip to the arena we debated what to do with the enchanted weapons because we knew they would fetch a fair amount on the auction house or we could disenchant them. We agued all the way down to the arena.

By the time we go there today’s fight had been over with. So we went down to Booty Bay and rented a few rooms and enjoyed eating a square meal besides the food I could conjure. As woke up in the early morning to go to the arena we meet a warrior who bought them for five gold each. With a good start to the morning we hurried up to the arena to for the chest. We got there jus in time as we sat down in the arena seats the goblin came in with the chest and set it in the middle of the arena he walked back up the ramp and yelled GO!. At that word several of the would be fighters jumped in and started killing one another for the chest. As planed the band of mercenaries stayed back to let the others kill each other off as the most of the fighters died or ran away we jumped into the fray. Immediately a group of 4 Horde attacked together. We one a undead mage cast a fireball at me I just had enough time to throw up a fire ward before it hit me. The fire wards held up strong but weakened. As it tried to cast another spell I hit it with a fire blast spoiling his incantation. I teleported myself right up to the undead mage who was still recovering from the blast and drove my dagger into what was left of it rotting stomach and yanked up ripping him apart. As I turned around I saw Jagex call upon the primal powers of the gods and he transformed into a huge tiger that was part man he grabbed an orc warrior and tore it to pieces after that he ran in to the thick of the fray of fighters ripping the all to pieces. As I watched this a troll rogue came up behind me and blinded me for a few seconds with some powder at this my instincts took over and I casted several arcane explosions throwing many fighters around. Suddenly feeling weak I grabbed my mana ruby witch I had stored some power in to help me when if ran out of mana. I turned to deal with a charging turren warrior as he closed with me I used my frost nova to encase his legs in ice I finished him off with a fireball to his chest burning it threw. When I looked around to fight another opponent I saw that all were dead or incapsitated and only my friends were left standing we went over and unlocked the chest and and found hundreds of gold we grabbed the chest and went back to Booty Bay and spent it on what else but booze and woman. It was a grand old night of celebrating. The next morning we deposited the few hundred gold left over and started are trip to Dire Maul to see what treasures we could find there. On the way out of Booty Bay one of the fighters from the arena steeped out of an alley and threw a throwing axe at Dreadfury


To be continued ……
Vote weather you want dread furry to live.
Feel free to send me an email in this story would love to get some help on this story at nick2barz@yahoo.com.

[Niderin]

You know I could be the next tom clancy if yall would help me with my writing

[Jondar]

Originally Posted by Niderin

You know I could be the next tom clancy if yall would help me with my writing

Don't worry. That won't happen anytime soon.
A) Figure out an interesting plot.
B) Proofread. Not meaning spell check, although you could use some help with that. Edit out the stuff that sucks. Rereading helps alot.
C) Make your character into someone who we actually care about.

[Niderin]

K thanks for the help

[kek]

lol@nerds w/ no life writing wow stories

[Lamer]

Originally Posted by kek

lol@nerds w/ no life writing wow stories

Location: CA

Ahh, you are American, at least now I can forgive you for acting less mature than my 6 year old little brother.

[Stigg]

Ok, before my helpful comments, I just wanted to throw this one out. Made me laugh:

most of my armor is of the soupier class

And one other thing:

Ahh, you are American, at least now I can forgive you for acting less mature than my 6 year old little brother.

Although kek is moronic and childish (search for his recent posts) there is no need to insult the rest of the American people...

The story has an interesting enough plot, but when I was reading it, it seemed as if you were just telling me from a real life perspective what your ingame characters were doing. Instead of "We ate the food I could conjure" maybe something like "I waved my hands over the plate and served up a hearty meal of mead and boar" Things like that will allow players of WoW to understand that you used your mage talent to create the food, and we will relax about correcting that you can only create water and bread...

Other things I didnt care for:

Stating the quality/ability/anems of items/spells. To the most of my knowledge people never ran around saying things like "My epic quality sword is better than your common quality sword!" It draws the reader away from the context, abruptly placing them in the game. I know I would rather read a story that allows full submersion whilst still drawing on my knowledge from the game. Fire Ward is of course a spell that absorbs fire damage, but something along the lines of "As his ball of flame grew ever-nearer I used my straining mind to place an aura shield around me that dwindled the flame to nothing more than a match"

And of course proof-reading. You excused yourself for spelling errors, but there are a lot of grammatical errors and placement errors.

Good story though. As I read through it a second time I kind of made-up my own words and the base-line was quality!

[Niderin]

I take offence to being compared to that guy since. I am American too

[Niderin]

As a replay to stigg thanks for the info i do the same thing with a story ill replace words in my mind.

[fallonquinn]

I find first person usage in stories either horridly easy to do or impossible in some circumstances. I think you could really polish this into a great piece if you added some snap to your main character. A lot of it seems to be a listing of step by step action like we're watching you (or the main character) hit the buttons on the keypad.

Even in first person you're going to have thoughts, speculation. I find that a good way to deal with that is toss some narration into the action. Find a kink in your character and exploit it. Most of the time our thoughts are that flat our pure, add some actual substance to your character. Mind you this is all strictly opinion. Otherwise it's a nifty little piece that you could really run with.

Best of luck.

Kiss, Kiss, Bang, Bang,
Fallon