My advice, even though unasked would be to slow it down a bit. I spent a bit of time yesterday reading through your pieces and they mostly seem like frenetic recitals of events rather than a compelling and gripping story.
Take the time to develop the scene - create the right mood and ambience through your words. I'm not a writer myself, but something like:
My treacherous tale begins in Stormwind on a red autumn day. The leaves in the park made a crackling tapestry of russet, gold and brown as I wandered to my favourite watering hole, The Pig and Whistle Tavern. Unadorned, the drinks were served in unbreakable wooden mugs but the wenches were buxom and friendly, the company boisterous and it had the welcoming warmth of home.
"Bolvar, you foul dog!" a loud, drunken voice slurred behind me. A meaty hand clamped itself down on my shoulder and pulled me off the bench. "What in the name of Malfurion do you think you were you doing?"
The heavy handed scoundrel was Thortok, a known drunkard and rogue with a sneaky disposition and a love of the guards' golds. A sneakthief with the morals of a snake and cheap. Very cheap. Today though he looked mean, mad and mean.
Before I had a chance to protest my innocence a leather shod boot dug into my side and then the blows began raining down ...
Like I said. I'm not a writer and English isn't my first language, but that should hopefully give you an idea of what I mean.
Linear Mode
