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Hi guys! New to this forum, although I have been reading on it for quite some time. I was hoping you could read through my introduction and give me some feedback before I submit it to an awesome RP guild I am hoping to get into. I am not a very good writer, but RP'ing is something that I have been wanting to do for quite some time now. Hope you enjoy!
The night was consuming the land. All around Grulok the gleaming eyes of hyenas shined through the darkness. Wary from his long journey, Grulok stumbled forth. He had been directed to a small wharf town on the edge of the sea. There I will find rest he thought.
He felt his pursuers close on his trail, yet no sight or sound gave any warning of the foul people he was escaping from. Nok kept close by his side, the faithful boar he had rescued five years before. Nok sensed their presence as well.
“Three more kilometers dear friend. Three more…” Grulok whispered as he reached into his pack for a shred of cheese for Nok. Nok accepted it without breaking pace with his master, his friend.
Grulok peered up at the star filled sky. It reminded him of his past journeys. Each night spent sleeping on the ground, outside, with nature. Grulok was born to two loving Orcish parents nearly twenty three years ago. At the young age of four his parents were slaughtered on their way to the common market by a nomadic troupe of Elves. The Elves, although keen in sight, missed the boy whom slipped into the nearby brush when the first arrow hit their wagon.
Four days passed while he sat in the shrubs, starving, thirsty, half dead, before another wagon came along. Malnourished and emaciated, Grulok stumbled through the brush and immerged. Luck have it, Grulok had come upon a family of Tauren whom quickly wrapped him in comfortable linens and forced him to drink short sips of sweet smelling elixirs.
The next 15 years he lived with his Tauren family. An outcast by the school children, Grulok took homage with the adults, learning their mystic ways and becoming one with nature. The men found Grulok to be an asset on hunts, for his skill with a bow was something that they had never witnessed before. Grulok spent many nights out on the lands, learning to combine flowers into powerful antidotes and learning the ways of the beasts.
When he turned nineteen, he felt the need to avenge his parent’s death. His Tauren brethren, peaceful in nature, would not assist him. One night, he packed his things and left. He lived off the land, killing what was needed to survive and searching wildly for the elves. By the time he was twenty, he had murdered four.
He spotted the elves from far off. He could hear their heavenly music playing softly on the winds. With a closer inspection, he found them to be a hunting party. For three days Grulok watched these elves, staying hidden in trees, behind rocks, just out of sight. On the fourth day, they left their camp in search of food. They found it in a pack of boars. As the elves fired arrows, Grulok pulled out his bow, took aim, and fired. The arrow hung in the air for a brief second, before finding its mark and piercing the neck of the young elf. Quickly, he pulled another arrow from his quiver and pulled back on his bow. Taking aim, he released the arrow, sending it flying towards another young elf. This arrow deceived Grulok and dug deep into the earth at the elf’s feet..
Grulok hesitated. He could barely hear the quick words of the elves as the three remaining turned, bows raised, and took aim at Grulok. Quickly, Grulok sprinted off through the woods. Whether the pursuit occurred or not, Grulok never knew.
He spent the rest of the day and night hidden away. The following morning, he went back to where the battle occurred. ‘What a waste’ Grulok thought as he peered across the dozens of boar corpses that littered the ground.
**Grraarrrlll**
Grulok grabbed his bow swiftly and pulled an arrow taught. He peered around. A boar, larger than the rest, was squirming. Nearing death, Grulok picked him up. An elven arrow had pierced the great beasts side. Not knowing why, Grulok gently placed the beast on the ground and pulled a vial of green gel from his bag. He opened the vial and spread the oozing liquid over his hands which he placed on the beast’s wound. Grulok figured any animal that can survive and onslaught of my enemy, must be my friend.
**Graaarrlll***
Gurlok’s memories faded quickly as Nok let out his shrill call again. Turning around, he could see what got Nok’s attention. Wisps in the distance, one, maybe two kilometers away, Grulok figured.
“Faster!” cried Grulok as the boar galloped quickly along side him. He could see the wharf town off in the distance. He would be safe there. The guards would not allow the pursuers through the gates. Nok nudged Grulok’s leg. “What is it boy?” he asked. Nok nudged him in the leg again. Grulok understood. He reached into his pocket and produced a strange device. He came to an abrupt stop and placed it on the ground. He gathered some loose leaves on the ground and quickly covered up the device before sprinting off again.
By the time they reached the gates they heard a loud *SNAP* then cries of pain. It had worked. Grulok smiled as he knocked on the door. A small goblin opened the viewport, stared for a brief second, then opened the door.
They had made it. Three days had passed sine he was in the Elven town. Three days had passed since he murdered four elven children in their sleep. He was safe as long as he stayed in this town. But he knew, no matter which door he left through, the elves would be waiting. And they were stronger, yes, much stronger than he was. He would need to become much more powerful to fulfill his revenge.
Not bad....a few spelling mistakes you should brush out before you app with it, and a few confusing sentences....but overall not a bad story!
You may want ot be a little more descriptive. Like, instead of saying "tauren" why not describe them? I'm glad I didn't see "Serpent Sting" or "Aimed Shot" appear anywhere!
Nice, I quite liked it. As you are heading for a Roleplaying Guild, here is a little tip. Know what has happened in the history of the game. As an Orc of more than 15 years you would have lived through:
Quote:
Originally Posted by Xhar
ORCS
Here is a brief outline of Orcish History taken from Wowwiki and the books i've read. For over 5,000 years the Orcs lived in peace with both the ogre and the draenei on the planet Draenor. About 80 years ago, the shaman Ner'zhul decided he wanted more power. In a bid for said power, he struck a bargain with the demon lord Kil'jaeden. In exchange for greater personal power Ner'zhul and his Shadow Council of Warlocks convinced that Orc Chieftains to drink from the blood of Mannoroth the Destroyer, a mighty pit lord of the Burning Legion.
Grom Hellscream was one of the first to drink, and easily convinced the other chieftains and their clans to follow suit. All the clan chieftains drank except for Durotan the leader of the Frostwolf Clan. Thus began the orcs time filled with demonic energies, rage, hate, and stamina.
Filled with this power the orcs were corrupted into rampaging brutes and they cast off their old ways. To feed their demonic bloodlust they slaughtered the Draenei and many other races of Draenor.
When there was nothing left to kill, Ner'zhul's successor Gul'dan was contacted by Medivh and they brought the horde to Azeroth. This had been the Demons Lords plan the whole time.
Thus begins The Warcraft one the game and the novel The Last Guardian and a lot of war.
18 years later, with the destruction of the Dark Portal the War ended. King Terenas had all the orcs he could find rounded up and placed in internment camps. There, cut off from their demonic source and with no way to replenish their fel stamina, the orcs languished and eventually slipped into depression and lethargy. They were despondent and broken. Even when presented with the possibility of escape most didn't. That is just how broken the Orc race was.
The few orcs that remained free, The warsong clan and the frostwolf clan and a few scattered solitary orcs such as Eitigg, were still shaped by this event. They were still broken down to a large extent. They had lost the war and were in hiding. Even this free orcs had a lost some of their bloodlust.
The Lord of the Clans novel outlines Thralls rise to power after the Orcs have been defeated and put into the prison camps. Of Blood and Honor takes place one year later and Thrall is STILL in the process of liberating orcs. Starting then and in the years to come Thrall and the few remaining shaman freed the orcs and taught them the shamanic ways, of honor, integrity and the ways orcs used to be before demonic corruption. A few years after that Grom died killing Manorath and freeing the orcs from corruption. Thrall tried to convince the human alliance that the orcs were free and wanted no more war. The Alliance didn't listen and Thrall and all the orcs moved to Kllimdor.
World of Warcraft the game began only 7 years after Thrall started freeing orcs!
Why does all this matter?
Because if you are playing an orc and are older then 7 you grew up or lived in the internment camps or you had to hide in the wild. You lost the war and lost much of the demonic power that was possessing you. You suffered defeat and that is a terrible thing to an orc. You remember moving to Kalimdor and living in peace with Jaina Proudmoore (a human)., until the alliance broke her treaty and attacked And you remember meeting the Taurens and the trolls for the first time.
If your a bit older then that you went through the great wars. If your older then 25 then you remember what it was like under the control of the Burning Legion. Any older then that and you lived on Draenor/Outlands. You know how the warlocks brought Orcs away from Shamanism and sold them into demonic slavery in order to gain personal power. All of this is common knowledge to the orc race. That is WHY warlocks are shunned under Thralls rule. Your character would have lived through all of this! It will have shaped him/her. There is just NO Daddy orc that was a farmer in the Cross Roads.
Those last two paragraphs are the significant ones. Refer to this thread on the official forums for some sweet snippets on correct racial RP.
Stigg, thanks for the review! You are right...I'll have to look into putting up more descriptions.
Tanitha, Thanks for the review as well! Coming from you, "Quite liking" is just about as good as it can get! It's awesome that you mentioned Xhar, he is one of the prominent members (maybe even guildmaster!!) of the guild I will be apping for! Scary too though...do you think that RP guilds follow those guidelines that precisely? If they do, I guess I will need to rewrite!
No, not really. You've got all the basics down - just jiggle your time-frames a bit and make allowances for what you would have experienced. They're not that hardcore!
Your basic backstory is great and I'm sure you'll be welcomed into RoS without too much hassle.
Edit:
PS - I've sent you a bit of info about the Guild. If you want to know more we can talk over PM
Edit2: For example, if Grulok was a bit older when his parents were murdered the time he lived and learned amongst the Tauren would be shorter. That would match the racial timelines a bit better and might even give him a greater capacity for understanding what the Elves did to his parents, why it was wrong and gives him that little bit of extra motivation for despising Elves. I'm sure that's going to lead to some interesting experiences - as what would Grulok's reaction be to the Sin'Dorei? They look Elven and are a new addition to the Horde. Would he feel mistrust?
Excellent ideas, and I am glad I don't have to rewrite it in its entirety. You also posted a good number of questions I should consider. Thanks again!
p.s. There was just a raid on crossroads on my server. Grulok came to the rescue. Unfortunately, the previous night's run must have worn him out, as he barely escaped alive.
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